Last night I spent an enjoyable half hour shoving Lindor chocolate truffles into my pie hole in a joyous, chocolate procession, while loading 707 episodes of my favourite TV shows (yes really) onto my shiny, new, external drive, to save my computer from expiring under the weight of them. I also moved 97 movies and copied a metric fuckton (official U.N. measurement) of back-up photos and music. Oh it’s so light now. My little computer is a slim, dancing diva, freed from the weight of all my media, its happy little quad cores daintily flitting around like M and Ms, bouncing inside Oprah’s belly, on a spring morning. I will say this. USB 3 is a fine invention. Holy crap yes. Because who has 2 hours to sit and wait for a bunch of files to transfer? Not I. These ones zipped in. I have the attention span of a small, excited fish, therefore, this is paramount.
I also bought a new mouse. A tiny, chrome coloured, mini-mouse that fits precisely in my delicate lady hands rather than my last mouse which was like clutching a dinosaur egg with buttons and obviously made for someone with transformer-sized hands who eats steaks the size of a table top while burping battle songs
As a side note, Google-searching for terms like “lady mouse” and “sexy mouse” can only bring nightmares like a mouse I found shaped like a vagina. Find it yourself. You’ve been warned.
That lady mouse would go really well with my co-worker's Hooters mousepad, which also comes with breasts.
ReplyDeleteJesus Christ. Men will turn anything into boobs.
ReplyDeletei'm so glad your computer's little quad cores are flying free.
ReplyDeletethose are some of the brightest pink nips i've ever seen. i kinda dig the polka dot thong though.
I want a man mouse.
ReplyDeleteHaha, ladymouse... Why did they call it a mouse originally, why not a rabbit? Heh, ladyrabbits.
ReplyDeleteUSB 3, you yanks are going way to quick for me...
ReplyDeleteI'm still saving my data on wax scrolls
Current estimate, using 54 highly trained clerics is, just 4 years and 22 seconds to copy my fine collection of 54 etchings and 12 brass rubbings….
Something’s you just can’t rush….
WTF……
5 years and 3 months …..
Damn I think one of the clerics just snuffed it….
I wouldn't recommend buying that lady mouse. For some reason it only lets you touch it 2 to 3 times a week, and while you're gone it clicks itself and does online shopping w/ your credit card.
ReplyDeleteI apologize in advance for that comment.
I don't understand the mouse pictured. I mean, if a person is gonna paint boobies on a mouse, why hold back at all? Panties? Really?
ReplyDeleteIt fills me with glee that I've been gone for months and the first post I read of yours mentions one of my favorite posts. Kismet. So kismet has to do with mices. And yes I used mices. I like to pluralize plurals.
ReplyDeleteOMG! You made harddrive transfer sound like so much fun you wordsmith you! Awesome post! Truly entertaining!
ReplyDeleteMegs: Hahaha really. Martini is right - men will put boobs on anything. Or would like to. :)
ReplyDeleteMartini: See above, ladyfriend!
Patty: They're flying free with the wind in their hair. Or something... And yes, realism wasn't big on the mouse's manufacturer's list I think...
Penny: LOL. I'm trying to figure out how that would work. Oh wait..I already have an idea.
Eric: Uh huh. I'm going to pretend that made sense while backing off slowly.
BlackLOG: I'm sure all the Yanks over here are fist pumping right now. I'm not a Yank though, but still. I'm a NINJA. That wax scroll business sounds torturous and all that running around by your clerics must interfere with their robes, no? Never mind. Technology will reach you some day.
Brandon: I apologize in advance for all the comments YOU'RE going to get after that. :) Haha!
Mama: I don't know man. If it didn't well - that might be OFFENSIVE. Unlike those honking great bangers it has.
Lola: Well I did it just for you, you know? I've been plotting it for months. :) Maybe.
Rita: Wordsmith! There's something no one's ever called ME before. Usually the adjectives used for me have letters that are replaced by asterisks and symbols.
I do hope Baxter is alright. :)
ReplyDeleteYou infidel. Sticking up for THE MOUSE. Sulk!
ReplyDelete"inside Oprah’s belly" wow that's a jolly image.
ReplyDeleteI had not seen that type of mouse before. I can't figure out why it didn't become a big hit. Maybe the boobs started to sag with use?
I think I'll save the asterix and symbols for another time...right now..WORDSMITH about covers it. Bask in it!
ReplyDeleteLisleman: OH, you and Brandon should get together and fend off the infuriated ladies. :) Although maybe I laughed and maybe I didn't.
ReplyDeleteRita: Thank you! I'm going to right NOW.
Wow, am impressed with your tech know-how and such-like (see can't even find the words to describe all your up-loading and down-loading). I am such a luddite that i wanted to make a comment on this post and wondered why everyone was talking about eyebrows...does your wee mouse have eyebrows? Anyway we had mice too - without eyebrows - but I was not sweet enough to name them - am terrified of them! - but now if I see the little beggers again - I will name. Give fear a name.
ReplyDeleteYou know, you can give fear a name but you will still want to bludgeon it. :) I think they're cute, I just don't really want them in my apartment. Especially ones who talk and sass me. As for the eyebrows maybe he does! Maybe he's a Liz Taylor fan! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm very impressed with your technical abilities being that I don't understand half of what you described doing. Very cool lady mouse ...although sitting here and pondering the male version is giving me the heebie-jeebies, and that is coming from someone who is a big fan of the ding dong.
ReplyDeleteYeah either way it's just creepy. :) And thanks for making me contemplate that.
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew how to go about transferring files to an external drive, and what an external drive is; my laptop would probably run much faster.
ReplyDeleteIf I ever saw someone using that mouse, I would never talk to them. Ever. There'd just be no reason to.
ReplyDeleteNote to Penny: A man mouse is also called a joy stick...
ReplyDeleteWhen I was shopping for a laptop I remember you gave me your specs and they sounded impressive. I also remember you telling me about your laptop...
Heyyyyyoooo!
Mmmm, Lindor. But who really believes in a austrian chocolate research center? I mean really. The austrian makeup research center totally didn't exist so why should the chocolate's!
ReplyDeleteAnywho, I'm getting an extra 500 gb harddrive installed by bf (he had one laying around, wtf?) so I can move all my very legally copied movies and TV-shows onto that and save my poor C: It needs it. Mmmmm... space. Room for another 40 gig of images!
Where did you find that photo of me and why did you photoshop out my head?
ReplyDeleteEva: Haha, it's easy. It's just another hard drive except it's outside your computer (it's mobile) that you can store stuff on to clear up space on your computer's hard drive. There you go. Lesson.
ReplyDeleteJUST ME: Agreed. I might throw paint balls at them.
Skypop: Ha, I remember! I needed something that can handle excessive graphics and editing software. I love my baby. Stroking it lovingly. I hope your new baby is good too!
Wynn: Mmm Lindor. You lost me after that. :) Haha yep those extra drives sure help. My external's a 500 as well. I went for a Terrabyte which is way more than I need, but this one was so cheap on sale I thought 'screw it' that's all I need.
Elly: Dude, if your boobs are big and round and perky like those, no one cares about your head. :)
I had a friend who had a remote shaped like that. We stole it from him and sent him pictures of it at various places in Mpls: bars, parties, at the lake, taking in a Wild game...
ReplyDeleteI wonder whatever happened to that remote...
Pearl
That mouse is pretty dang funny.
ReplyDeleteMmm. I love those Lindor truffles.
Pearl: Hahaha! Now THAT is the correct thing to do with such an item. Plus it was asking for it really. :)
ReplyDeleteWW: I know! It's lucky they're so damn expensive or I'd be buying them every day! Yum. My mouth is watering.
I sooooooo want that pervy lady mouse! How much fun would that be to use out in public somewhere?!
ReplyDeleteThat's almost the exact same mouse I have.
ReplyDeleteExcept mine is a vagina.
Which gives "clicking the button" a whole new meaning.
Cora: I nominate YOU to try it out in public and report back. :)
ReplyDeleteEd: Mmm. I saw a vagina one for real when looking for that picture. So you might not even be bluffing. Who knows?
Oprah is thin now!
ReplyDelete-According to oprah.
LOL. I did the same thing with my pie hole with Cadbury cream eggs. Oy.
ReplyDeleteNice mouse. That girl should put on some clothes...what a slut...:)
I couldn't read the rest of this post, because I couldn't get past the drool that was produced by reading - yes, that's right, just reading - about Lindor chocolates. Must go wash my hands.
ReplyDeleteCan you do that thing you do to my computer? I'm an idiot and also afraid to touch anything. Anything. Including a mouse.
ReplyDeleteI think there is a lady mouse under my bed - it is the mice ladies that have babies isn't it?
ReplyDeleteYou must have a sexy version of google. I googled it and a cute little old lady mouse came up.
ReplyDeleteOh, I have just recently seen the vagina mouse. How the hell would one get anything done without being hypnotized by the lewdness before their eyes?
ReplyDeleteP.S. I have a new platonic blog crush here. You're dripping awesome sauce, sister.
I'd have to assassinate that mouse. That's just wrong! Although my son would probably like one for his birthday. (But be horrible humiliated if I actually got one for him.... that alone, would make it worthwhile.)
ReplyDelete'My little computer is a slim, dancing diva, freed from the weight of all my media, its happy little quad cores daintily flitting around like M&Ms, bouncing inside Oprah’s belly, on a spring morning'
ReplyDeleteThat left me in stitches.
They look more like eyes than boobs to me. Maybe my boobs just need to look more like eyes.
ReplyDeleteRahul: She is? Good for her! Poor Oprah. We're all so judgmental. :) Or maybe just mental?
ReplyDeleteMomma F: Cadbury Creme Eggs...YUM! Yes, the mouse could have at least worn a bra.
Tenny: It's ok, man. Same thing happens to me. Those things are SO GOOD. That chocolate shell. That smooth, cool interior. Oh yeah!
Edie: Sure. I'll do that thing and pretend it's hard then you can think I'm cool, how's that? :)
Lulu: Uh...usually, yes... :) Aw you could have a whole family of them under your bed. Maybe that's where Baxter went?
Sarah: I have Google Raunch. :) Bad Google!
LilPixi: You're drunk ladyfriend. :) Oh but the vagina mouse is just wrong. I mean it only has one button for a start. WTF?
Boom Boom: Yeah. It might be slightly weird for a mom to buy something with giant, naked boobs for her son. :)
Martin: Well it WAS a very happy computer. And I suspect Oprah does enjoy the occasional M&M in springtime. Allegedly!
Nicki: If you have big round popping eyes with pink irises then yes! Also? You might need to see an ophthalmologist, I'm just saying. :)
At work, we have tea time every Tuesday afternoon (my boss's wife is English) and this week, the boss and his wife brought in LINDOR TRUFFLES! It's hidden away in one of the cabinets, but I grab one whenever I get a hankering for chocolate.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, that mouse is very disturbing to me. Couldn't you find a classier one? Like one with lace panties instead.
I had a mouse once, but the RSPCA always itervene and spoil our fun, uh.
ReplyDeleteThis is a fun post, with a capital F.
Have a fun weekend (with a small f), Boonie
I admit, I love new tech gadgets only when it's intuitive and I don't have to read the instructions to get it to work. Yeah, I'm a smuck.
ReplyDeleteI am reading a book about a woman moving from NYC to the country and all her mouse problems and I immediately thought of you and Baxter. How weird that you mentioned him.
Oh get you, with all your talk of the latest gadgetry.
ReplyDeleteI'm talking myself out of buying an iPod Touch. I like shiny, shiny toys, but my credit card isn't talking to me.
Lindor chocolate = love. I had mice in my last house. I spent a lot of time trying to talk to my dog about his utter apathy. This is a dog who lives to chase squirrels and chipmunks. But a mouse? Running across the kitchen? RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS NOSE? Barely merited an eye twitch.
ReplyDeleteYour mouse looks like a Muppet raised near toxic waste. Or is it just me?
ReplyDeleteWell I totally just responded to all these recent comments and Blogger ate them. I am AGGRAVATED. Needless to say, you guys are all lovely, the end. Damn. I hate this thing sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you got a lady hands mouse. I would totally get one too. If I ever got a table for my house.
ReplyDeletehaha i'm currently on the floor with my laptop so I hear you. Oh the indignity.
ReplyDeleteA tata mouse? Of course someone created that thing. I'm glad you found a mini mouse to use. I'm still using this dinosaur egg-esque sized thing which is probably to blame for my arthritis at 33. In related news, we have my auntie send us every Cadbury goodness she can find a few times a year. I figured you'd appreciate such a thing.
ReplyDeleteVeg, you tell that mouse that those red-faced puffing yoga-poses photos and/or videos would not be incriminating to you in the slightest! Rather, they would stand in testament to your commitment to kick-assing. You tell that blackmailing blackguard of a rodent that it is the lazies and the lay-abouts who ought to feel ashamed of themselves, of their slouching about in slovenly fashion, of their couching indolently upon their couches of indolence! Tell that mouse he's got the wrong idea of what people should be ashamed of! Tell him to put me down for a copy!
ReplyDeleteFor inspirational purposes. Nothing shameful about it.
I've seen your name on comments at other blogs I read, so I thought if you like them, I may like you. Guess what? I do!
ReplyDeleteWill come back for another snoop around soon.
Meow: MMMMMMMMM Cadbury goodness. Thank god I'm in a place I can get Cadbury goodness. YUM!
ReplyDeleteTrish: Hi! You flatterer you. :) Once I get my act together I will quietly stalk YOU too. :)
Dog: haha, I will tell that miserable rodenty little bastard. I will. And I will tell him you said to tell him. :)
ReplyDelete