New Tech Is Pretty

Thursday, March 24th, 2011 – surrounded by chaos, urge to play mariachi songs

Last night I spent an enjoyable half hour shoving Lindor chocolate truffles into my pie hole in a joyous, chocolate procession, while loading 707 episodes of my favourite TV shows (yes really) onto my shiny, new, external drive, to save my computer from expiring under the weight of them. I also moved 97 movies and copied a metric fuckton (official U.N. measurement) of back-up photos and music. Oh it’s so light now. My little computer is a slim, dancing diva, freed from the weight of all my media, its happy little quad cores daintily flitting around like M and Ms, bouncing inside Oprah’s belly, on a spring morning. I will say this. USB 3 is a fine invention. Holy crap yes. Because who has 2 hours to sit and wait for a bunch of files to transfer? Not I. These ones zipped in. I have the attention span of a small, excited fish, therefore, this is paramount.

I also bought a new mouse. A tiny, chrome coloured, mini-mouse that fits precisely in my delicate lady hands rather than my last mouse which was like clutching a dinosaur egg with buttons and obviously made for someone with transformer-sized hands who eats steaks the size of a table top while burping battle songs

As a side note, Google-searching for terms like “lady mouse” and “sexy mouse” can only bring nightmares like a mouse I found shaped like a vagina. Find it yourself. You’ve been warned.

Speaking of mice, I haven’t seen Baxter in months, thanks to those of you emailing me to ask about him. I assume he and Maybelline are living it up somewhere warm for the winter and not hiding under the dishwasher taking incriminating video of me, red faced and puffing, in yoga poses again...

Short, Random, Good Smelling Things

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010
Random Thing 1: Woe is my crampy lady belly. Holy crap, it’s like Mother Nature put a porcupine in my tubes while I was asleep and told it to find its own way out. All because Eve ate that stupid apple. Or something.

Random Thing 2: Today, since ‘Bath and Body Works’ were out of my sacred, signature Black Raspberry Vanilla body cream (seriously, WTF, how am I to continue smelling like the Queen of All Awesome Things without that?!) I had to content myself by buying something from their new Summer Vanillas range – namely the apricot body lotion which smells so good on, I might shut myself in a closet and lick myself later. I might have to get the lemon one too, sometime. I’m a fruity gal, what can I tell you? I smell goddamn delicious.

Random Thing 3: I have to confess something. Usually, I’d keep such a shameful admission to myself but I have to come right out and say it. I love “Wipeout”. I know, I know, I’m an avid game-show hater but that show just hits me right in my funny bone. You might say it gives me a funny boner (you might not). Really it’s all about the Big Balls. The Big Balls are the tits (so to speak). You can’t sit there straight-faced and tell me seriously that grown-up people of all ages, sizes and ethnicities, aren’t effing hilarious when covered in mud and being bounced mercilessly into icy water, off of gigantic red, wobbly balls. Don’t even try. You can’t. If you want to see what I’m talking about GO HERE. You laughed, right? Of course you did. Or else you’re dead.

Random Thing 4: “Lost” is over, I’m in mourning, Tuesday nights are a void not even “Glee” can fill (Is it just me or has “Glee” lost some of its sizzle after that three month hiatus it had in the winter?) For those of you who asked, yes I did like the ending to “Lost” – even more now than I did when I first watched it on Sunday, when I loved the island part of the ending but frowned a bit and thought “Seriously?” at the sideways part of things – but I think once I thought about it and figured out what was what, properly, I approve!

Don’t go discussing it in the comments though, I know a couple of people are watching it from the start who haven’t seen the show before, so you know….don’t be an asshole. That’s my job.

Random Thing 5: I have a new friend. His name is Lefty and he’s a cow, in a stylin’ necklace (supplied by some little Mexican guy on a beach – don’t ask). 

Now some may say, “Wow, Veg. He’s a freaking COW therefore, do you think maybe, he might be a SHE?” And to that I reply, “Bite my bum, I make the rules because I am my own Jacob and this is MY island.” (See? That was totally a “Lost” joke. I’m topical.) Besides he has horns. Men are horny. That’s how it goes.

On that fascinating note, I’m going now to have a beer. Goodnight.