Me, Myself and I

Sunday, October 30th, 2011 - An introspective random rant


I used to think maybe I was a bit odd, however, lately I've revised my over critical analysis to read, "Veg is the epitome of normal and it is the rest of the world that is out of sync".  Because the biggest barometer a person has for what constitutes "normal" is themselves, no?  Everything else you decide is based on that assumption and is rated by comparison.  I may not think like you, but that's okay.  I may be exceptionally compassionate, I may be nice, or have moments of insanity, or fuck things up spectacularly, or be an evil monster, or just be all of the above.  Every one of us is a composite of ideas.  It's really okay.

I read a lot of blogs.  Theoretically, at least.  In actuality, I read a lot of blogs when time permits or general apathy hasn't rendered me a totally useless dullard.  I read all sorts of blogs too.  Some of you I've known a long time and I consider you actual friends.  I enjoy keeping up with your doings because your doings have a place in my life, they amuse or interest me or keep me sane when things are far from it and they complement a good cup of coffee well.

Some of you are interesting because you're not like me at all.  For example, you might be a corporate executive or gay or religious or a Republican or a serial killer or a mom or a nun or the anti-Christ or someone who embraces push-ups like an old friend.  It makes you interesting, your not being like me.  Because if you were all like me, well holy hell that would be boring.  I'm boring.  I see me every day.  I know how I operate.  You?  Not so much.  I don't mind difference.  I only mind intolerance.

I'm a very liberal person.  I'm not fond of rules.  Now, I didn't say I don't follow them - hell I've lived long enough to know that in these first world lands of the free, you are anything BUT.  But I'm liberal IN MY THINKING to a great degree. If I want to build a liveable tree house in the woods and exist there, I should be able to without anyone's PERMISSION.  I think the tax system is fucked up and that we all pay far too much of it, but it doesn't mean I don't do it.  I think gay marriage should be legal everywhere.  I think prostitution should also be legal.  I don't think I should have to pay taxes for things like schools when I don't have kids.  I think all people should be entitled to health care they can afford.  I should never have to account for myself to anyone unless I've committed a heinous crime.  Other than that, leave me alone to do my thing and I won't get in your way.

I don't like kids either.  I tolerate them. I have severe indifference towards them. They don't make me gooey with adoration or concerned or happy in any way, at least until they get to a respectable age.  They just exist much like I do.  You can't have a decent philosophical discussion with them about the meaning of life or the zombie apocalypse or why we seem so damn afraid of letting them see anything sexual, yet will happily allow them to watch car chases and madmen and bloody gun battles on screen.  Plus you can't send a kid to the store to buy you gin or tequila. They just seem like expensive, hard work.  I like sleeping late when time permits and drinking coffee in a leisurely manner and drinking wine on Friday nights and not driving small people all over the city to sports events.

But I will happily read about you doing it.  Because I don't mind if YOU like kids an awful lot.  I respect that.  Kind of like gratuitous body piercing.  It's not for me, but I certainly support your right to stick a pin through whichever orifice or fleshy part you want in order for you to be "you".

So basically you can be whoever you are and I will most likely approve, regardless of your beliefs.  Unless you are intolerant of people who are not like yourself, then I probably have no time for you, or, for that matter, you for me. If you hate people who are different from you purely because they ARE different from you, then we have a problem.

Them's The Rules

Monday, October 24th, 2011 - What is this early darkness and late lightness thing?  

Quick question:  What does it mean when you wake up singing a Nolan Sisters song from the 1970s, inside your head, in a really exuberant manner?  Because that's happening to me altogether too much lately.  If it's not them it's goddamn Tony Orlando.  I sort of get that though.  I actually LISTEN to Tony Orlando.  Tony Orlando is a smooth, '70s' Casanova of a dude, with muchas body hair and who croons unbelievably cheesy ditties that I like to pretend I'm singing on a giant, velvetty stage in a dark, questionably sleazy lounge bar in Tijuana, surrounded by people with non-ironic moustaches and a glint of deviance in their eyes, instead of in a sweaty heap on the treadmill as I continuously rearrange my bra and make attractive sweat rings on my t-shirt while trying not to die of exhaustion.

What am I talking about?  Who the hell knows?

Anyway, it's almost Halloween and believe me when I say, I like Halloween!  I do.  It's fun in a "I don't do anything particularly for Halloween but I light candles and carve a pumpkin and maybe drink some extra wine" type of way. I like the IDEA of Halloween, I guess you could say.

Also, on the subject of Halloween, I just have to say here, that I enjoy the dress up aspect.  HOWEVER, please people, if you are going to a Halloween party where you're supposed to go in costume, please go as a gnarly old witch or a grim reaper or some chainsaw wielding, in-bred, red-eyed idiot dripping blood or a dark, terrifying demon.  I love that kind of stuff. That's what Halloween is about. Scaring the shit out of people in a controlled manner.  Grossness.  Unease.

Do NOT (if you do not want a kick in the ging gang goolies from me) - and I'm aiming this at the ladies here, in particular - do NOT, go as a sexy school girl, or something "scary" that involves wearing an eye-covering cat mask and an ultra short skirt because I am sick to death of this nonsense. That's NOT Halloween. Here's an easy key for you to remember:

Halloween is about gross and scary.
Halloween is NOT about dressing like a slut

See?  There are no tits on Halloween unless they are zombie tits, all decomposing and nasty.  Dressing as a porn star nurse?  Sexy? Maybe. Scary? NO, NO, NO.  So please stop that.  No matter what boys tell you.

There, those are the rules, now follow them.

Wow, turns out I'm a bit grouchy today, who knew?