Hey Extroverts...Don't

You know there's a difference between being introverted and being anti-social.  That's what I tell myself.  I don't consider myself anti-social - I get on with people, I have friends, I'm fine at conversations and small talk if the need arises, I like hanging out with small groups of friends at a bar or wherever.  I just prefer not to go out in large groups, partying or clubbing or doing fantastically extroverted loud things with lots of people or groups because I don't have any particular love for it and I don't see the need.

Therefore, I don't see why people are all up in your grill in public places because they think that it's socially okay to quiz you like a Jeopardy contestant.  Take the laundry room.  I'm totally fine with saying "good evening" or polite claptrap about the weather, or the holidays - just enough for the wait not to be cloaked in a silent stew of awkwardness.  But I don't know what gets into some people who seem to think that occupying the same space at the same time stipulates they can get all kinds of familiar.  What's your name? Where are you from?  What apartment do you live in? Have you lived here long? What do you do?

DIE IN A FIRE, that's what I do.  I just met you, dude, while I'm washing my smalls, you can't ask me anything personal.

I'm not sure how to deal with such over abundant questions I don't feel like answering from someone I don't even know.  I thought maybe I'd try one of these:

1) Pretend to be Bulgarian or something and speak some made up language.
2) Stare at him without blinking, like a serial killer, not saying a word.
3) Shout, "MY NAME IS VEG WHO ARE YOU, THANKS FOR ASKING" at the top of my lungs so that he gets confused and runs away in horror.
4) Say, "Do you want to put my underwear on your head?"

What is the proper etiquette for such things?  I'm not sure I'm qualified.

Cyber Funday!

Monday, December 2nd, 2013

Well hello, Cyber Monday!  Nice to see you.  And it's nice you are doing your sweet thing on a Monday because Mondays are just pointless otherwise aren't they?  Dragging you out of a nice, warm bed way too early to scrape cold shit off your car before you can go anywhere?  Horrible.  Anyway, here's hoping everyone in the entire world listens to Scope and comes out to play.

Anyway, I hope the blogosphere responds because man, I miss all my old buddies, who're no longer out there and the rest of us who are when time permits, which isn't as often anymore.  I've had so many laughs out of this place it's been unreal.  Nowadays everyone's all "Tweet me this" and "Facebook me that!" and it's sad because is that all our attention spans are now?  Little bite sized chunks of information.

Plus dudes?  "Facebook" is not and should never be, a verb.  Or indeed a thing.

I like Instagram though, which FB owns, but shhhhh don't tell anyone.

How are you all this fine Monday? For me, this weekend was spent being too ill to celebrate my stupid birthday, then trying to fit insanely large Ikea furniture in a less insanely large car, putting together said furniture (always such a fun, fun occupation, though immensely improved with the addition of an alcoholic beverage) and trying to jettison this damn flu thing into orbit or anywhere that isn't in me.  I've half succeeded, but the death rattle cough remains.  My neighbours LOVE me.  Soon as I'm horizontal, [insert hideous rasping cough straight from some hell demon, here].

Next week I start a new painting for my living room because I'm sick to death of staring at a blank wall that needs a giant-ass Airstream on it so that means a trip to the art store (yay!) so I can lovingly finger canvases and special paper and tweak the ends of brushes, all without fear of arrest.

So as I sit here, in my pleasant smelling John Dies at the End t-shirt and hair that hasn't seen a brush since Saturday, I bid you a gigantic, resounding HI! And I hope to see some of you either here or at your place or around because, wouldn't that be fantastic?  I miss you guys!