Holy Jesus in a taco, January is boring. It’s only five days old and already I’m all, “When is it not January anymore?” and “when’s the next holiday?”
To celebrate the new year I made a new painting. It’s been a while, I’ve been letting my painting mojo sun itself in the Mojo-Caribbean or wherever mojos go when they’re not making you do something productive, so the last few months I haven’t painted anything at all. Figures that when I do finally get back to it I produce something that looks like someone swallowed a day-glo paint stick then threw up their lunch and graffitied all over it.
what the fuck, eh?
As some of you know, I normally paint actual things in a slightly abstract manner, but with clear obviousness as to what it is. I do not normally paint a giant mish mash of nothing in a very abstract manner, like someone filled me up with Red Bull and amphetamines and gave me a paint gun.
I don’t understand abstract modern painting. I like it. It can be tres jolie! It gives me pleasure without knowing quite why. But I don’t GET it. I don’t look at it like some frowning artists who dress in black and tweak their tiny beards and adjust their berets and say, “Oh, this represents the mind’s confusion and chaos over complicated and erroneous judgments and the guilt of the aura when confronted with societal free falling and anarchy!”
No, I’m all, “This says I had an accident in a paint factory and mushed everything up real purty!”
I showed it to my sister who emailed me back the following: "I imagine the walls in hell must look a little bit like this." Well fuck yes.
So that’s what I painted and I enjoyed the hell out of it too. Something about making a free form mess on canvas and adding more crazy over the top just appeals to my sense of liberalism. It’s not anything. It’s a big, colourful burrito of trash, kind of like the inside of my head. And I’m ok with that.
It also needs a suitably pretentious name, so I welcome all suggestions, even filthy lewd ones.
Hell, especially filthy, lewd ones!
I actually really like it. If this is your first abstract work, consider this comment a big vote in favour of doing more of this!
ReplyDeleteWhat's the medium?
Also, title suggestion: 1100 silent songs of the pterodactyl
Thanks dude, and yeah it's the first time I've gone all out freaky on canvas without any aim in mind. I hope to get better and more focused at it. Like I said I just like the way it looks, it doesn't mean a lot at the moment. Haha, I laughed aloud at the title. It has all the rings of pretention while actually being funny as well. Plus Pterodactyls are fucking cool.
ReplyDeleteNude Descending Staircase
ReplyDeleteor
Miasma - The Issuing
or
Lumpy McDump Thumps Bumpy Rumps.
It suggests all these things to me.
*beard tweak beard tweak*
I like it. It makes me happy and punchy all at the same time. Like my face wants to smile but my fist just wants to punch. Which one will win? Only time will tell...
ReplyDeleteYou're a pervert, TJ but you're my kind of pervert. All very excellent suggestions, I particuarly like the pretentious nose of Miasma - The Issuing. In fact it makes me laugh hard. "Here is my new work, MIASMA: The ISSUING. It's self-explanatory really..." :)
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA Nicole! It's making you punchy and stabby. Maybe I should just go with "Let's get stabby!" or "Bloody Punch Induction". :)
ReplyDeleteI would suggest "LiLo's Crotch" because that is what springs to mind when I think of a "big, colorful burrito of trash"
ReplyDeleteWHOA TOM! Slow down buddy. You'll have Michael Lohan beating down your door with a subpoena! :) Although having said that I cackled like a witch and gave you a giant thumbs up at that, because that is just perfect.
ReplyDeleteDude, that looks like my life right now on canvas. I like it.
ReplyDeleteDude, if I paint another lighter coloured peaceful looking one, can that be your life on canvas instead? Maybe I can influence your life by my paintings?! OMG imagine the power. :)
ReplyDeleteI like it Veg...it's like a kaleidoscope of colour :-)
ReplyDeleteFar better than most of the stuff hanging in London's Tate Modern!
See, this is why I like you, Nat. I whine about how you're the most travelled person I know because I AM NOT BITTER AT ALL and you cock block me (I don't have a cock) by being all NICE and complimentary. :) You bitch. Haha! Yes, the Tate would love me. They'd surely find a good pretentious explanation for that painting, possibly involving words I don't even understand.
ReplyDelete"Vaginal walls as per mushroom consumption"?
ReplyDelete"The boxes are metaphors"?
"I'm not on my period"?
I'm not really any good at this. But I like it! And I draw those little boxes all the time. So fun!
See the thing is, Al, it was all wonky colour and crazy and I thought "What this needs? Is GEOMETRY!" And so I gave it bad geometry. The idea of calling a painting "I'm on my period" is cracking me up because a) I WAS and b)it does kind of look like the PMS rage I see in my head a few days prior TO my period.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure the boxes ARE metaphors though....:)
If the walls in hell look like that, sign me up! (well, I'm already on the mandatory list, but hey. Why don't sign up too?)
ReplyDeleteI love your hell painting. It makes it seem less bad that I'm going there someday.
ReplyDeleteAlso? January is a kick ass month because my birthday is in it. Just thought I'd drop that here in case you want to get my a birthday present or something. *cough* hell painting *cough*
Wynn: Well I guess I'll be seeing you there, girlfriend! Might as well make it pretty, huh! :)
ReplyDeleteMiss Y: Holy shit, you're freaking me out, I swear I was just leaving YOU a comment right now as yours appeared. WTF? Birthday huh...well I will get you a big cup of my undying love, how's that?
A Vagina, In Pieces. With Cubes.
ReplyDeleteMan, you people have some weird assed vaginae! I fear for your anatomies! :) And well, people who dissect vaginas and fill them with cubes? Just YOU, Just Me.
ReplyDeleteHow about: "A Portrait of PMS." ?
ReplyDeleteHee, you know after Ally's comment I did think about just calling it "PMS". :) But you said it more eloquently, of course.
ReplyDeleteIt's fantastic!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I like to imagine your painting mojo sunning itself in the Mojo-Caribbean whilst drinking mojitos. Indeed I do.
And I like the way you think as always.I'm kind of on the fence about mojitos. There's a big conservative part of me that thinks mint does not belong in drinks because it's plainly wrong and goes against all the laws of nature (in my world) but another part of me thinks they're kind of delicious and the lime cancels out the offensiveness... Hmmmm. Research I think.
ReplyDeletei'm going to suggest "Meth Sisters in Hell" and "Fuck Your Face, Rainbow Brite".
ReplyDeletethink about it and let me know.
Hahaha, I was just having a nice ginger ale (because I'm hardcore) when I read "Fuck Your Face, Rainbow Brite" and just about snorted half of it right up my nose. Because that honestly, says all it has to about that painting! :) I love it.
ReplyDeleteI like it!
ReplyDeleteI have zero talent and/or imagination in this area. but I know what I like!
Well thank YOU, sir. I think you have a talent for compliments. :) Does that count? And making me jealous with your ocean dwelling location.
ReplyDeleteGoing with the PMS theme I was thinking something along the lines of "Step back or I'll cut you bitch. Part One". I think the 'Part One' adds all the class.
ReplyDeleteABSOLUTELY, it suggests it's only the tip of a very large PMS iceberg. You'd be quaking waiting for the sequel really right? :)
ReplyDeleteI would actually really like to own that painting. Seriously. For sale?
ReplyDelete(Yes, that is exactly what the walls here in hell look like)
Call it "The nine sades of herpes."
ps- January isn't boring- it is the glorious month in which I was born!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Other than that it does kinda suck though.)
Well if you were born in it, Kimmie, then hell, it's a FINE month. :) So when's the big day or is it a state secret?
ReplyDeleteWell Tom is the big winner in my book, but just in case you still need more may I suggest, "I Didn't Ask for the Anal Probe?"
ReplyDeleteI love it! There's a substance to the abstraction that most abstract art doesn't have, or doesn't seem to have anyway...
ReplyDeleteIs the 29th (I'll be forty-fucking-one) You shall be able to hear the cheering throughout the world.
ReplyDeleteHmm, it looks like you painted a portrait of someone in a bright red sweater, and then touched it up just ever so slightly.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and ten transparent cubes.
x
i'm going with: fertile.
ReplyDeletethat's right short, sweet and to the point. and who says eggs are round, it's abstract. and i like it!
Elly: Haha, anal probes certainly would produce some sort of colour explosion in your mind so maybe you're onto something.
ReplyDeleteBrigid: Thank you! Are you sure you're not on some substance yourself? :)
Kimmie: Yay for us babies born on number 29! And yay for the upcoming birthday craziness in BC!
Eric: Tex, put the hookah pipe down. :)
Walls of hell, eh? I like your use of color here.
ReplyDeleteAs for those frowing artists in black, you made me laugh thinking about my former boss (an art collector) who used to go to galleries and flat out make fun of the pompous collectors who would spew that sort of drivel.
And oddly enough, amphetamines, red bull and a paint gun sounds like a jolly good way to spend the day. Party anyone?
http://rantersbox.blogspot.com/
It looks cool and jolly (just like you....), so how about you call it Jolly Cool. I know it sounds a bit like a Boney M record, but hey, what the heck! Live wild and dangerous - that's what I say.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your comments about abstractionalismicism. I once abstractly represented a tin of coke. It didn't look like Jack Shit until I snorted a line of it. Then w-w-w-w-o-w-w-w-w....
Have a nice day dudette, Boonie
Great Great Art. I want a piece for my living room. I'll barter! Regarding a pretentious title for that painting, try "Satan's ass on a lily pad # 5" (The #5 adds gives it that "artsy" vibe. Oh BTW check this out.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCHV2I_Xog0
ReplyDeletePatty: Fertile! Holy crap though, I wonder what sort of life would come out of that mess.:) It'd be colourful I guess.
ReplyDeleteEmpress: Yes, there's nothing funnier and worthy of ridicule than people who seriously spout nonsense like that. I think drugs may be involved...
Boonie: This explains a LOT, Sir. :) I'd say have a good day but you seem to already be having one. Shine on!
Israel: Satan's Ass on a Lilypad is profound. I think Hell is the theme going on here again. And you're correct, adding the number adds arty pretention. Especially since there were no numbers 1-4. Ha. Dude, you ain't artsier than me! :)
ReplyDeleteHow about...."A Self Portrait"?
ReplyDeleteToo lewd?
How about... "Lindsay Lohan's Vagina, On The Rocks."
On the rocks because I see ice cudes in the painting.
Lindsay Lohan's Vagina because its lewd, red, slightly vagina-from-hell shaped, and psychedelicy looking like it's strung out on crack.
Still, all characteristics of a self-portrait too.
P.S. Would be an awesome Stained-glass window design.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure that's the head Nazi at the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
ReplyDeleteI call this one "Stained Glass Window Bathed in Vomit, No. 21." I see others are also aware that the number is the most important part of the painting. It doesn't matter if there was only one. The trick to becoming a great artist is to name your paintings with relatively high numbers and then tell everyone that you shit on/burned/destroyed in some other violent manner during one of your usual drunken rampages.
ReplyDeleteHow about City Inferno?
ReplyDeleteThe cubes kinda suggest city buildings and I can sorta see people passing each other in the foreground and does it trouble you that I like this?
Ed: a) It's only a self-portrait if YOU painted it and b)I'm seeing Lindsay is a recurring theme in here. I'm not sure I could bear putting her name on something I did. It'd make it instantly dirty. But I thought of the boxes as ice cubes too. Sort of a satanic cocktail. Sort of an absinthe murder frenzy. Stained glass design FROM HELL.
ReplyDeleteMooooog: And...more proof that you should never do drugs kids. Just say no. Look at Mooooog. :)
Beck: Yes, that sounds impressive. Destroyed in a drunken fit of rage and passion. I'll ignore "usual", don't let it happen again. Vomit is a horrid word. Makes me think of...well...vomit. Yet it's icily appropriate too for this painting I feel.
L.E.T.: Look at you with the sensible name that doesn't flame La Lohan or Nazis or bodily functions. At least one person round here gets a gold star. I guess it could be city like . If you know, it was a demented city full of demons and barbed wire and fire or something. I like that you like it. It proves that despite this sensible answer, you have a deviant inside you. Proving the Evil part of your name.
"Walls of Hell" works for me! though "Abortion in a Gin Jar" might actually generate some lucrative controversy....
ReplyDeleteYes! The "let's use scandal and controversy to garner publicity, fame and moolah". I like it. Although...ewwww. Dude! :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, I suck at art but how about "Winter Vagina on Acid"
ReplyDeleteWinter Vagina on Acid huh. There seems to be a general "this is some sort of vagina" thing going on in these comments, which makes me wonder what sort of mutant freaks you guys ARE! There's definitely a suggestion of acid though, I'll give you THAT Mrs. T. :)
ReplyDeleteThis is so obvious.
ReplyDeleteVagina and The Vagina Color Dreamcoats.
Done and Done. I expect royalties.
I don't know why but "Vag of Destruction" sort of popped into my head.
ReplyDeleteAwkward, as this is my first time here.
But um...there you go.
- B x
Thanks guys. I'm not sure what about it screamed "VAGINAS!" to everyone but there you are.
ReplyDeleteRahul: That's profoundly uh..vaginal! Royalties huh. I pay in gum. That ok? Used gum.
Barreness: Well there's no real way to introduce yourself better than "HERE'S MY VAG OF DESTRUCTION" so you just go for it, lady! Plus I kind of like it!
Vaginas? Man, I gotta get me a hand mirror...
ReplyDeleteEcclesiastic Acid Trip. There. I said it.
Pearl
Ack! What keeps happening to my comment?!
ReplyDeleteOh. :-) Never mind.
ReplyDeletehee hee
Being a lover of the female form allows me to pick out a shapely ass in almost anything, so thank you for that lovely painting of a badonkadonk.
ReplyDeletePearl: Haha, I just let you go on getting sillier. :) Comment moderation. You have to love it. And I'm with you. I don't know what sort of vaginas these guys see regularly but I feel inadequate. Also it would like a title I can PRONOUNCE. :)
ReplyDeleteSkypop: There's a giant badonkadonk in that painting? Well you learn something new every day. I guess that does sort of look like a big old crack down the very center for a bit there...
I don't know why everyone sees a vagina when they look at that painting. Peculiar. Most peculiar indeed.
ReplyDeleteTo me it looks more like someone stepped on Spongebob's pink star fish friend, Patrick, and wiped it off in shag carpeting.
The vagina idea is better. Clearly.
Wow, I just did an internets search for vagina and it took me here.
ReplyDeleteNever you mind why I was searching.
I'm with everyone else. I think it's great. :)
ReplyDeleteCora: Uh huh. Well psychotic though that sounds, it's a nice change from anatomic lady parts!
ReplyDeleteEric: I wouldn't dream of asking, dude. What you do with your crazy time is entirely up to you.
FreeF: Thank you! Not a great VAGINA by any chance?
'Vegical Distortion'
ReplyDeleteThe first master piece in:
The Geovomiting Series
=]
OMG Sweet Cheeks! GEOVOMITING! My new favourite word. Everyone needs a geovomiting series, no? :) Thank YOU!
ReplyDeleteGood lawd, I love it!!! That's exactly what the inside of my liver looks like. How'd ya know?
ReplyDeleteFer realz, love. Love, love, love!
The sad thing is, I'm not even doubting you! :) Lush lady!
ReplyDeleteIf the walls of hell look like this I definitely wanna go - In fact i think my place there has been prebooked. At least I know I'll have nice stuff to look at!!
ReplyDeleteAnyway Misses - I'm back! I look different to last time but I told you I would tell you when I start blogging again and here I am!! If you remember me shhhhhh, I am anonymous again.
Looking forward to catching up on your shenanigans :)
I love it!
ReplyDeleteLet me put my creative writing degree to some use...you need something pretentious and of course, it has to include an element of social commentary.
How about 'The Irony of Hegemony'?
You can tell I went to an art school can't you?
Looks like a melted banana sundae. With lots of flake.
ReplyDeleteSD&B: To make up for the gap in communications, I expect some special "You" mayhem. See to it please!
ReplyDeleteRoses: See, all those years studying creative writing pay off by being able to give paintings pretentious names. Who could expect more? Of course, it would be perfect if someone PAID for that service. Me, I pay in Skittles and the occasional manic hug.
Madame:Of course it does. Uh huh. Do you have a thermometre? You should think about taking your temperature, ASAP. :)
It looks like I imagine the walls of hell, except I really like it and can't stop looking at it.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I hate about abstract art: I'm really terrified about what it says about me.