Happy new year my little party monkeys! I hope your New Year’s Eve was a hoot and a blast and didn’t involve too much tucking your dress into your panties (especially you boys), dropping burrito crumbs in your cleavage, or bending over random gutters watching your dinner reappear in liquid form. Not that I wish to suggest any of MY celebrations have ever ended this way…
Well, they don’t allow such behaviour at the nunnery.
Me? I was spending New Year’s here in cold-assed Canada, having cramps of the lady variety and feeling grouchy, uncomfortable and like I possibly had some small, rabidly violent, martial-arts-practicing ninjas living inside my boobs. This resulted in my welcoming 2011 by sitting on the couch, scowling and ingesting Kraft cheese slices while watching Toronto and NYC basking in most unseasonal, balmy sweatiness, causing Dick Clark to almost have another stroke.
For those of you wondering why I didn’t go and take my succubus-like sexy talents out on the town to mesmerize the local male population (you can call me “Lost Girl”), it was –24 degrees C. here (minus 11F), thanks for asking. Minus twenty four. Even if you wanted to go out and bounce around festively in the snow, you couldn’t, unless you actually wanted hypothermia and frostbite, in which case, it would have been your lucky night.
I lit some candles and sat there in my pajamas making lame fun of Ryan Seacrest and the vast plethora of boy-bands trying to entertain at new year’s TV extravaganzas. Particularly New Kids on the Block, who are yet to learn the delicious definition of irony. Maybe they should just suck it up and change their name.
“Slightly Creased Kids on the Block” or “40 Year Old Bankers On The Block” are my suggestions.
“Slightly Creased Kids on the Block” or “40 Year Old Bankers On The Block” are my suggestions.
I didn’t even have a drink. Yes, you heard me correctly. No alcohol passed my lips. No wonder I was grouchy, right? Cramps, Ryan Seacrest, aging boy bands, no cake, copious slobbery close ups of delirious couples kissing and no alcohol. What is this fresh hell?
I hear ya veggie! I was not in the getting sloshed mood last night, and therefore there will be no night notes in regard to NYE! But wasn't it delightful to wake up hangover free. Now that is an interesting start to the new year for me!
ReplyDeleteHa, "Creased kids on the block." Nice one!
Happy New Year my friend!
You know Julesy, you are right, no hangover = awesome. And I actually kind of enjoyed just hanging at home in my PJs being bitchy at the TV. What's not to like there? Happy new year!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year, lady! Dude, NKOTB+BSB=insane make my head hurty-ville. But then, I watched Bette Midler in concert on HBO last night so WTF do I know about cool, amirite?!
ReplyDeleteHappy new year, dude! They make MY head hurtyville too. Bette is at least original. :) You might have started a trend.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of glad NYE is over. I had fun, but it's a lot of pressure...I MUST HAVE FUN THIS NYE OR I AM A FAILURE.
ReplyDeleteHere's to a luscious 2011!
I like that! Luscious new year. I'm going to totally have one of those, thanks! Happy new year.:)
ReplyDeleteHow come the cartoon looks a wee bit like you pissed on your couch? Just asking. I spent the new year in jail...working, not as a guest of the state. I sat at my cubicle, crying slightly, because the guy I had made out with 30 minutes earlier wouldn't even wish me a happy new year. Yup...made out with him at work while he was on duty. Good times.
ReplyDeleteWe old people here in Maine didn't even stay up untile midnight! I meant to have a drink, but forgot. (see how it sucks to be old?) Your breakfast sounds delish, however! Happy New Year, Veg!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year! I too stayed home in my pj's but I did manage to drink copious amounts of cocktails while listening to my non-politically correct friend make fun of Dick Clark while Ryan Seacrest sat waiting patiently for the old codger to finally retire once and for all. And you are right. Those boy bands do lean a bit toward the sucky past use-by-date. If I am going to stay in on NYE with my 'gay husband' at least give us ladies some real man candy to salivate over.
ReplyDeleteCheers to a fantabulous 2011!
http://rantersbox.blogspot.com/
I woke up with a hungunder.
ReplyDeleteMuch higher degree of difficulty.
Ha ha, well this is really a better New Years Eve than going out. Yes, even with Ryan Seacrest. How are your ninja boobs now?
ReplyDeleteLest you forget about blue-lipped Ke$ha who told Gaycrest her resolution for 2011 was not to become a douchebag. Uh, too little (brain cells) too late, honey.
ReplyDeleteI dunno, your New Year's sounded perfectly lovely to me, except for the cramps and lack of alcohol. Any night spent warm and snuggly on the couch in front of the TV sounds pretty good to me.
Happy 2011!
Happy New Year to you too Veg. May the year ahead be filled with RV cake and recession margaritas.
ReplyDeleteI too spent my eve of newness with my post-Christmas insulated saggy arse on the couch with a bucket of marsbar slice on my lap. We had 40C and I got to make fun of the orange skinned toothpick with Tori Spelling boobs on our telecast. Good times.
I loved me some NKOTB back in the day. I was convinced I was going to marry Donny. Now watching them strutt their aged and sad stuff I am convinced that I may have been suffering a sustained concussion during those years of youthful stupidity.
well obviously I was spending nye with my girlfriend with the cup between her boobs, but I was sober enough to get to see dick clark stumble through his lines.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe it's so cold where you are, today all the snow we had here was melted away and it was beautiful out.
We went to some friends house for a little while, came home and were sawing logs by 10:30 in bed.
ReplyDeleteIt is pretty action packed around here, try and tone down your jealousy, will ya?
I pretty much stuck with the Twilight Zone marathon, but managed to catch the end of the New Kids/Backstreet medley. Good Lord. I loved that "All you people can't you see, can't you see/NKOTBSB." See how clever that is? They combined their acronyms into one name, like Bennifer or Brangelina! That makes them still relevant!
ReplyDeleteOther than the cramps, it doesn't sound too bad. We can get hammered and vomit any time we want!
ReplyDeleteGREAT drawing!
Here's to a Happy New Year for us all!
Happy New Year!!! - sounds like you had a really er, er, er, - well a really....
ReplyDeleteWe stayed in too.
Re, "....causing Dick Clark to almost have another stroke": Are you sure that you got the word order right there? Dick having a stroke on New years Eve sounds most unsavoury.
Yours is my favourite blog. I love it. You're so witty and mischievous. Please keep up the good work.
Oh, and have a nice day....
All the best, Boonie
At least your igloo didn't melt? I was busy drinking with a select group of alcoholics and watching Kathy Griffin make Anderson Cooper giggle like a schoolgirl which is somewhat disconcerting to see. The alcohol helped. A lot.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I was impressed that Joey McIntyre could still hit those high notes on Please Don't Go Girl. I mean, what is he, fifty? Isn't it creepy to hear them talking about the same girls they were talking about like thirty years ago?
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with being an in-shape freakishly strong 40 year old banker with lots of money?
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, if the 40 year old bankers are dancing around with other guys while they sing on national television, that could be a problem.
I think I love you a bit for using Roman numerals for the year, well done.
Yay! I see what you're doing there Veg... you're having a stinking New Year so the rest of twentyeleven just has to get better. So, erm, Happier New Year obviously!
ReplyDeleteDon't you just hate it when your lady innards decide to do the cha-cha without the rest of you?
ReplyDeleteI spent NYE partying virtually (no adult content involved). A ridiculously fun way to spend the evening and I got to sleep in my own bed. My stomach was my friend.
Happy New Year my dear!
The new year starts with a Veg cartoon. I feel stellar about 2011. And my new socks. Which will hopefully last through all of 2011. I won't wash them just to make sure.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Veg! Hope you're feeling better now.
ReplyDeleteI spent NYE at a rather nice hotel in a coastal town in Wales. I drank a tad too much mulled wine washed down with rum cocktails...nonetheless, I was doing quite a good job of appearing more sober than I was,that is until I broke the heel of my left shoe and spent the rest of the night perfecting the one-legged hop.
I'm glad you joined me. I drank a beer past midnight, otherwise it was a sober event, filled with fever and snot and feeling cottony and you know, trying to avoid talking about my mom with drunk people that showed up. At least the fireworks was pretty.
ReplyDeleteAnother funny post, VA. You kill me.
ReplyDeleteAnd weather wise? You win! Four below zero here -- practically BALMY compared to what you're in...
Pearl
Happy New Year Veggie-K!!!!
ReplyDeletePanda: That's so weird because when I drew it I thought "It looks a bit like I peed the couch but no one will notice." That showed me I guess. :) You little cop seducer you.
ReplyDeleteEva: Happy new year to you! I hear if you stay up till midnight in Maine you turn into a pumpkin anyway, so better off in bed. Yup.
Empress: HNY to you to Empress. Cocktails anytime is good but during a NYE celebration and making fun of Dicky is even more fun I'm guessing.
Moooooog: Me TOO! I was so unhungover I was practically PERKY. Happy New Year, dude.
Miss Homebody: The ninja twins are recovering nicely now thanks. I think I doped them with ibuprofen and they calmed right down. Silly boobs. :)
Robin: OMG that was Ke$ha huh? I was all "Who's the chick with frostbite?" (I tuned in a bit late) Someone needs to tell her there's only one Lady Gaga. Happy new year New Jersey!
Rusty: Same to you missy. Now I need to see this orange toothpick with the Spelling boobs, she sounds CLASSY. Isn't half of Australia under water right now? Were those boobs anything to do with it? Happy new year Donny Walberg lover.
Mr. C: Yes, I fail to see how your new year's could suck with that lady. I mean what CAN'T she keep in her boobage? There are probably soldiers that went AWOL in 'nam in there. She's lovely by the way, congratulations!
Skypop: I'll try man, but honestly I'm pissed at you having all that fun without me. Anything with power tools is good times by me. Happy new year!
Beck: Tell me they had the green dude on the plane episode because it's ALWAYS my favourite whether it's Lithgow or Shatner doing the freaking out. As for the name combining thing, yes, it's MENSA stuff right there. My brain exploded.
Pat: Same to you! Well, not the cramp thing. :) But a fine 2011, my man.
ReplyDeleteBoonie: Staying in is good when you have the tres sexy Mrs. S. around, no? Poor Dick Clark. I'm sure he was really just drunk as a skunk. Do skunks drink? Best to you!
Dale: Well I bet yours did. Poor Toronto and its little heatwave. Kathy is trying way too hard with the gay gentlemen. I think she has the penis envy thing.... She totally wants to convert Anderson to the ginger muff. Yes, I did say that.
Nova: It is a little disconcerting, yes. They all look like they should be going to the opera with their rich wives. Not cool really is it? Happy NY crazy westie.
Eric: Hahaha, NOTHING. Nothing wrong with a 40 year old banker AT ALL but like you say, if you're supposed to be a rock star pre-teen magnet not to mention the dancing with other boys thing, maybe it's not so cool to look like their dads...
Macy: You sussed me again. Start on a low note so the only way to go is up. Damn you woman. Damn you. Happy Hogmanay I hope?
Roses: Yes, I do hate it. Stupid lady innard with their pain and their messiness and their "I will keep you awake all night being stabby!" Happy new year to YOU!
ReplyDeleteElly: Well a lame cartoon, yes. But you know my stabby abdomen was demanding I not do anything at all taxing. I got socks too! Big-assed, every colour of the rainbow socks. You know you want them. You know it. Now I need to go watch you and Isabella as I haven't had a chance yet.
Nat: HNY dudette! Coastal Wales is pretty nice anytime. I say that with authority even though I've only ever been to one small town I can't recall and Aberystwyth. The one legged hop takes practice. This is where I never party in heels, only flats.
Wynn: Ugh, feel better! Snotty sniffle schnoz (that should be your new nickname incidentally!) is no fun at all especially on a damn holiday. Pfft.
Pearl: Yes, balmy Minnesota. Wait, really? What the hell happened there?
Mo: HAPPY NEW YEAR, MOZIE! Hope you guys and Sher had a fun one. You were in 2011 a whole day before me! That's just creepy...
You still had more fun that I did. And I went to a party...
ReplyDeleteWell now, that is quite sad :( Clearly you should've been hanging out with me, swearing at the TV! Because THAT is not sat at all. Hapy New Year Libster.
ReplyDeleteI agree with what you say.
ReplyDeleteRe Skunks drunk: I don't know, but I've never seen a judge sobre, so who gave us this sobre as a judge nonsense? - or pickled as a newt, etc....
Boonie: I think probably people who know things the rest of us don't. A secret club of thing knowers! The elite! :)
ReplyDeleteI was exceedingly embarrassed for New Kids on the Block. That was just cringe-worthy. Not a good way to start off the new year, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteGreat, today is day 1 of my low-carb diet and all I want is chocolate cake. Thanks a lot!
ReplyDeleteI agree about January being such a crappy month. One thing I have to look forward to as your image reminded me) new episodes of Jersey Shore. Sorry, it's like a train wreck that I can't look away from!
Cora: I know, it makes you want to bury your head in a cushion. Which made me finally figure out exactly what throw pillows are actually FOR! :)
ReplyDeleteAlly: Let's face it, it makes us all feel better about ourselves doesn't it? No matter how bad things get we're not Snookie.
I hear you on the lady cramps and ninjas in the boobs - I think we had similar new years! LOL We had houseguests though. Friends visited. Lots of them showed up around 1030 to ring in the new year with our family.
ReplyDeleteYay, at least that would take your mind off the ninjas in your boobs! :) That and the drinks. In fact, ninja boobs are a good reason TO drink! Happy new year!
ReplyDeletenow with pro-biotics - bwhahaha! i stay away from pro-biotics, pre-biotics, gluten-free, omega3s, and superfruits. i try to stick with moist and chocolately as all fuck and salty and cheesey as all get out.
ReplyDeleteStop that right now. Salty, cheesy and chocolatey are three of my middle names. And fizzy too. Why can't those things be good for you? It's so unfair. Why do I have to eat spinach when there's perfectly good cheese? WHY?
ReplyDeletethe other day a friend was hit by a dvd while in Walmart.
ReplyDeletenothing of note every happens to me when I go into a Walmart.
but I tend to stay away from the stationary bikes...
I bet it was a discount DVD too. :) I try to stay away from Walmart but the allure of cheap shit wins every time. :)
ReplyDelete"Eat cake but eat slightly less cake," is one of the most genius resolutions I've ever heard. I hope you don't mind, but I'm adopting it as my own.
ReplyDeleteAlso, stop going to to Wal-Mart. It's like shopping in someone's dirty underpants.
Oh you can have it. Have at it. And I agree about Walmart. But I clearly like my stores ho-filthy, it reminds me of how superior I am. :)
ReplyDeleteUm, I can't believe I'm the first one to ask this.
ReplyDeletePLEASE!!! Oh pleeeeeaseeeeeeee!!! Can we have your chocolate cake recipe?
Pretty please?
Hedge
Well Hedgey, that's because you're not. In fact several people have. I am a bit surprised! Maybe later in the week I will post it just for you crazy folks. I'll tell you now though, I made it again yesterday and IT WAS SO EFFING GOOD! Yup. Stay tuned.
ReplyDeleteLooks as you are recycling this post. Seems odd since it's a New Years post and we upon Valetine's Day. It wasn't a mistake was it. Hey it was a new post to me. BTW we had a grandchild born on 1/1/2011 so it was special New Year's Day.
ReplyDelete