My Head Would Like An Off Switch

Thursday, January 20th, 2011 – cross-eyed with the tired, hunchy, sniffly - kill me now

I always think there are two occasions you should never attempt to post a blog entry.  One would be when you’re rubber-faced drunk and two, when you’ve had no sleep whatsoever and are nine different kinds of delirious.

Oops!

You know how sometimes you toss and turn and don’t sleep at all?  I mean hardly a single wink, let alone forty of the suckers?  Then when you wake up you feel like you’re in some sort of parallel reality where things look normal but you feel like there’s a wood sprite in combat boots dancing around in your skull and you can’t quite focus properly on things?  And you have to read sentences about six times before they make sense?  And when you look in the mirror you see some hybrid, heinous, hell-spawn of a zombie and Tara Reid, the morning after a marathon orgy of cheap champagne and penises? 

That’s sort of how I look right now.   I’m all stuffed up and my sinuses sound like they’re crying.  I ran out of congestion pills yesterday and forgot to buy more so now I feel like someone got inside my head pumped it full of air with a big pair of bellows.  

On the upside, I bet that’s the only time you’ll see bellows mentioned in a blog entry today.  Go me and my uniqueness!

So I consoled myself by pouring a big glass of ginger ale even though it’s only 6am.  You see, ginger ale is my bitch.  It eases all ills.  I look forward to it.  And since I weaned myself, kicking and screaming, off of aspartame, I will drool on my own chest thinking about sweet Canada Dry instead.  I really want coffee but any hope of an hour’s sweet napping will be blasted to kingdom come if I get near that. 

I hear some people like to start the day with tea but despite my British roots I never saw the appeal in it myself.

Not that this is surprising.  There are a lot of things I don’t understand the appeal of - digital photo frames, line dancing, Twitter, Nicolas Cage…  I could spend an entire week listing things people like that I just don’t understand. But instead I’ll just suck down this glass of golden nirvana and try not to plan any murders.