A Chocolate Cake You Say?

Those of you who don’t want to bake a cake and who came here looking for a real entry, you'll find it below this one or if you're really lazy you can just click this sentence. Fly like the wind my friends!

Hey my little charmers! I’ve had numerous – yes really, numerous – emails and comments and things from people saying “post your chocolate cake recipe, or die motherfucker!” (or at least words to that effect), so I decided I better comply so I can live a few more weeks at least. Just for you guys (the rest of you can go play outside till we’re done). I hope your waistlines enjoy it very much because it’s not exactly slimming.

Veg’s Stupdendously Moist, Uber Decadent, Super Simple and Resolution Busting Chocolate Cake

Note: I roll imperial but I will convert to metric as well to keep everyone happy. How nice am I?

8oz. of Self Rising Flour (225g) If you must use All purpose flour use a teaspoon and a half of BP and a teaspoon and a half of Baking SODA also. SR is the best though if you can get it.
12.5oz. regular granulated sugar (350g) Caster would work too but hey I am never that posh
3oz. cocoa (85g)
2 large eggs
9oz. of 1% or skim milk (250ml)
4.5oz. canola oil (125ml) I imagine other oils would work too but Canola is my favourite I think
9oz. boiling water (250ml)

*I have to admit for the dry ingredients I do ounces and for the wet I use MLs. This is because I'm schizo.

Method: Throw everything except the flour and boiling water into a bowl. It works no matter what order you throw the stuff in even if you forget and put the flour in first – it is just harder to mix that way. No need to beat the eggs in advance or anything. Just throw it all in. Mix the shit out of it with a whisk. If you’re posh and have an electric mixer, knock yourself out but I mix by hand. It should be sort of sticky and thick and gloopy. That’s ok. In fact that’s perfect. Then add the boiling water and mix some more till it’s thinner. Don’t worry if it seems too thin – it isn’t. Add the flour gradually and mix that baby up till it’s good and battery and the flour is absorbed. It might still be fairly thin but no worries, it works just fine, I assure you. Once this is mixed do the following:

1) Get two round 8 inch or approx. cake tins
2) Line with wax paper and grease on top of the wax paper with margarine (this is important as this stuff is sticky later)
3) Divide mixture between the two tins
4) Put the tins into a preheated oven at 350 degrees F/180 degrees C/if you’re cooking with gas it’s Mark 4 (I looked it up, I swear)
5) Bake for 30 minutes. This may vary by oven (if you use gas you might want to check after 25 to be safe) but 30 minutes was perfect for me with my old ass, seventies looking electric oven.
6) Lick out the bowl of chocolately goodness – it’s a shame to waste it, right?
7) Lick the whisk/spoon too
8) Laugh at all the mixture you got on your hands/face/floor/countertops
9) When 30 minutes is up, pull those suckers out and leave the cakes in the tin on the counter for maybe five minutes or so
10) Using the edges of the wax paper ease the cake halves out of the tins and rest them on a plate/rack/other surface that isn’t a dog or child, to cool
11) After maybe 20 minutes, gently lift the cake halves and rest them top down on the palm of your hand to peel off wax paper. It should come off easily. Wait till cakes are half cooled to do this or you’ll end up with cake stuck to your hands. Replace cakes on surface to finish cooling. If they’re more than half cooled I usually stick ‘em in the fridge to finish.
12) When cool fill with your favourite filling be it fresh whipped cream or a delicious buttercream as follows
.
Chocolate Buttercream: Put a metric buttload of butter or a decent margarine spread in a bowl. The amount is up to you. If you don’t make enough you can add or make more. You can use low fat versions but they’ll be thinner. I use an olive oil based spread and it works just fine. Add a trainload of powdered icing sugar and blend thoroughly with a fork. Sprinkle in a little cocoa to taste and blend again.  Add a little milk if you need to thin it out. Spread on one half of cake, top with other half. Sprinkle some virgin icing sugar on top of cake. Eat the fuck out of cake and moan ecstatically. (you can leave out the cocoa for a plain butter cream if you prefer)

Note: This thing should stay good and moist for a good three days in the fridge in a plastic container.

I believe even a chimp could make this. You guys have no excuse. If you make it, let me know how you make out.