The Meaning of Life

You know what I haven’t done in a while?  That’s right, a meme!  I can virtually hear the crackles of excitement rippling around the Interwebs in anticipation. 
Or was that you all logging out?  You fuckers.

Anyway, the delightfully perky miss Cora - I don’t know how she maintains her perk really as I am a bubbling pit of growls before about 2pm and she’s all sweetness and light because she’s flying high on the fumes of love and crystal meth (or something) – tagged me to do this meme where I have to list seven traits about myself that are evident in my blog.   I’m still trying to decide what that even means, but you know me – not knowing anything worth a damn on a subject never stopped me from actually doing it.  As if!

So here you have it.  Seven blog traits about me.

1)  Well let’s address the elephant in the room shall we?  I like to swear.  I like to swear a goddamn lot.  Some of you will remember that a while back I tried to cut back on the swearing.  I tried to save those special words for special occasions where they would be effective and cutting and have just the right amount of spice.  That worked for oh….five days or so before I thought, “Fuck this shit!” and decided that in my life, swearing was a necessary decoy to me killing things and the world should just thank me for it.

2)  I am a touch paranoid.  I think the whole insect world is out to get me by either infiltrating my food or plotting to stage a coup by entering my body through my ass.   I admit it, I’m a freak. 

3)  I’m fairly creative.  Mainly when it comes to describing things “that mosquito was the size of a fucking dinosaur!” ( actual: that mosquito was maybe the diameter of a dime but it was really quite frightening and I have to justify me running around flailing my arms like a windmill) but also physically.  For example, I post my paintings because I am insecure and need validation and confirmation that I am the greatest human who ever lived.

4)  I’m a bit grouchy if it’s before noon.  I don’t feel I have to defend this, it’s merely that I am normal while people who are full of joy in the mornings are on drugs.  Just say no, kids.  This is also why, if you say something nice to me before noon I might reply, "Go die in a fire."

5)  I’m an insomniac.  That’s why I’m constantly posting entries at 4 am and leaving people comments at ungodly hours, that make no sense.  Some may argue that comments I leave at 3 in the afternoon make equally little sense, but to that I say, “screw you, hippie”.

6)  I have an unnatural devotion to pie charts and flow charts.  To be fair though, I’ve done fairly few lately.  I used to be all about the charts.   Then I hit rock bottom and did a Venn Diagram one time and everything just fell apart after that.  I’ve been through chart rehab and it won’t happen again.

7)  I might be just a tiny smidgeon sarcastic.  Someone said I was anyway, I hadn’t even noticed.  I’m pretty sure you’re all sitting there in silence now, too shocked to speak.  But it’s true.  If you go back and read a few entries you might find my well hidden and discreet sarcasm lurking between the lines.  I don’t think it’s obvious or anything, I think I got away with it.  

I’m supposed to now tag a bunch of people to do this but you all know me by now, I’m far too lazy to pick people out so I say you all just do it and knock yourselves out.