You can all stop asking me now why I haven’t mentioned my Bloggies nomination thing. I’ll tell you why I haven’t. Firstly, I’m not really into the vote trolling thing as I’m shy and I get all bashful and start blushing and hiding behind stuff and itching really badly in my moist areas, and secondly, I didn’t know about it till recently, when Buffy told me she’d voted for me. And I was all delighted even though I had no idea what she was talking about. I just thought she was high, you know?
So basically I didn't really know, because sometimes – and don’t faint here or anything – but sometimes, I’m a little late to the party. And I’m usually a beer short of a six-pack.
Then other people kept emailing me or commenting that they’d voted for me too. And because I wasn’t born yesterday I thought, “What the hell IS this Bloggies thing anyway?” as I’ve been blogging for years and I’d never even heard of it. If it’s not cake or about ways to acquire cake, it’s not really on my radar.
Then I forgot all about it again because I have the attention span of a piece of toast. Until Mr. London Street congratulated me on making the finalists last week sometime. And I thought, “WTF, I’m a finalist at something?”
Because let’s be honest here, I’m usually only ever a finalist in police line-ups.
I’m totally kidding. I’m not a criminal.
You’re not a criminal till you’ve been caught.
Tonight the lovely Miss BeckEye demanded to know why I hadn’t been pimping myself out for votes and I thought, “Hot damn, maybe I need to look into this Bloggies business in case it’s important or something. Maybe it’s expected of you and if you don’t do it you’re a substandard human being?”
So here I am. Asking you to go on over there if you feel like it and maybe vote for me for “Best Canadian Blog” which is my category. I just checked their site for the first time tonight and it seems voting ends on Sunday. I don’t mind if you vote for someone else, I’m totally fine with that. I’m completely secure in my Blog skin, whether you all appreciate my fabulosity or not. I will not have a giant purple-faced tantrum or threaten to kill you or hold your babies ransom or send you poop in the mail or tap your phone if you don't do it.
I might tap your ass though. It’s a fine ass. Don't worry, I'm not hiding in that tree outside your bedroom with my binoculars. Not till the ankle bracelet comes off anyway.
Anyway, I’d like to thank all you people who inexplicably did vote for me to get me this far. Whoever you are, thank you. And say hi or something. And I’ll sew all your lovely photos onto my favourite pyjamas so I can be near you even while I sleep.
Did that just cross the borderline into Creepyville? Well that’s what I’m all about, baby.
I’m going there now to see if any of my peeps are nominated for anything so I can vote the fuck out of that category for you. (I should clarify I mean the Bloggies, not Creepyville, I'm already there.)
You guys…
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
Ok, ok, ok... If it will stop you from falling out of the tree in my garden I'll pop across and vote!
ReplyDeleteOh your shy and retiring fabulosity is well and truly appreciated by the universe. I may even be ale to pluck my apathetic arse up off the couch, move my finger three millimetres and press the little vote button, just cause you are so fabulous.
ReplyDeleteNow even though the likelihood of me overcoming my 'meh' is high (well higher than me getting off my arse to put my festering socks in the washing machine) you are welcome to my two, 12 and 15 year old babies as I am over motherhood and want a refund. You may be able to use them as barricades against your monster mouse and bug problem. Or you may be able to swap them for something neat on ebay.
Done...but it's going to cost you! You have to keep the funny stuff rolling out at least four times a week :-)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations and since I am in to cake as well, will I get cake if I vote for you???
ReplyDeleteCongrats on nomination, I don't know what they are, but I'll vote for you.
ReplyDeleteDude, I nominated you for that and have voted a LONG ass time ago!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm not entirely convinced that there's anything in it for me, but I voted for you anyway, because, well, you never know. There may be one day when I'm lying trapped in an overturned car in a ditch, and petrol is leaking from a ruptured fuel tank towards the hot exhaust, and then someone sees me and pulls over. And it's you, and you stand there, ready to free me from the tangled of my seatbelt before I'm engulfed by flames, and you'll pause and say "Did you vote for me?" And I want to be able to say yes without my lying voice giving me away.
ReplyDeleteYou have my vote.
ReplyDeleteI'm not nominated but I'm pretending I am while wearing Veggie Assassin face pajamas.
ReplyDeleteYou ain't got nothin' on MY creepy.
"if you feel like it"
ReplyDeleteTell you what. Give me those other five cans of lager and I'll pop over there...
They ARE chilled right?
only because you make my frickin day, everyday.
ReplyDeleteI just voted for you!
ReplyDeleteHell yeah I'm voting for you. I was one of the first to nominate you stupid ass.
ReplyDeleteYes, I voted for you. No, I'm not jealous. At all. Not a bit. Sob.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you made the finalists. Congrats, Veg!
I'm really bad at the voting thing. It just seems so complicated. But for YOU, I will make the effort! Good luck! - G
ReplyDeleteMs. Distracted: Damn, I was so looking forward to that as well. I like trees. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteRusty: It's ok, you can keep your babies. I'm bad with babies. You'd probably get them back with holes and complexes. :) Thank you!
Nat: To keep doing that, I'd have to START doing that. See my problem? Thank you miss Nat.
Vodka: Of course. I mean it will be mythical mental cake but cake nonetheless. :)
Eric: Right? I was baffled too. Obviously everyone else is a lot more alert that us! And thanks.
Jules: Thank you man. That's what a bunch of people said because you are all clearly insane. But I appreciate your insanity! :)
Simon: Well, there's the not photographing you through a window in your underpants for one. Isn't that worth it? And you're correct I am everywhere, therefore, that car scenario is entirely plausible. You make a good point. :)
SG: Thank you, Sir. Blackmail. It always works.
Moooooog: It's when my face shows up on your jock strap I start to get a little cautious. Until that happens, I say go on with your bad self.
Mo: Lager. Yours. I just stuck them outside the office in a snow bank so they should be good and icy. :)
P: You don't get out much, do you, P.? But thank you! Ha!
Eva: THANK YOU! I just called you "SPLENDID!"
Ed: Aw. Aren't you nice? No wait. STUPID ASS? I'll have you know my ass has won prizes from MENSA. It's the rest of me that's a dumb shit.
Ms. OWO: Oh, like they MEAN anything. Pfff. I'd have voted for you for funniest blog if you were in there. Maybe if I knew about these things earlier I could nominate people. You definitely win "funniest vagina doctor post ever". And best band aids.
Georgina: Thank you! I am effing terrible at such matters too. It's like my attention span turns into that of a hyperactive minnow. They do seem sort of straightforward though, like they knew I was coming.... :) Thank you!
your blog is a divine mess of words, so glad i stumbled across it (nowhere else, but at the bloggies nomination thing). there i voted for your blog, even before ever cyber-stepping into it! THAT'S how rad your blog is :)
ReplyDeletecheers, -C
Hi C! And thank you very much! And it's nice to know your crazy mental disability hasn't stopped you functioning in life. :) And I hope you stay.
ReplyDeleteWhee, I just voted for your fabulous ass!
ReplyDelete: )
Hold on a goddamn second, A. My ass was nominated too? Well...it is a pretty nice ass.
ReplyDeleteI'm kidding. I don't have a donkey.
Dude, that's awesome! I just voted for you. I'll email you my address, to which you may mail the payment we discussed.
ReplyDelete'k dude. Just let me know when you've enlarged your mailbox enough to fit that life sized, anatomically correct rubber Michael Moore doll and we're good to go. Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is really awesome. I just voted for you. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Amber! It's a pretty silly thing really but wouldn't it be good if say they sent out say, really good chocolate cake to the nominees? You can bet I'd whore for votes a lot faster if that were the case. :)
ReplyDeleteOkay I went over and voted for you for best Canadian blog. Not hard considering you're the ONLY Canadian blog I read, but they didn't ask that did they?
ReplyDeleteExactly! I mean I don't know if anyone goes over there all serious and checks all those blogs out. No, they just get cajoled into going over there and voting for someone who's threatened them (or just someone they've heard of) and that's it. I really should get all serious and check out my competition and like...Photoshop them doing lewd things to chickens and put it on the web. Thank you Cassie!
ReplyDeleteThat's so cool! And well-deserved!
ReplyDeleteI just voted for you.
Good luck!
xoxo
Well thank you! I like to know you can be blackmailed. :)
ReplyDeletevoted. for you. does this mean you will or will not tap my ass?
ReplyDeleteAGAIN? You are insatiable woman.
ReplyDeleteThanks :)
I voted for you the other day, and I will so again!!! You're fab, woman!! And if that is you in my tree, could you untie that shoe i through up there when i was drunk?
ReplyDeleteAw but man, that is where I planned on keeping my stash. :(
ReplyDeleteThank you for the vote. You rule crazy lady.
Woo hoo! We are not blocked!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your big nomination! You totally deserve it, but will Canada be pissed if a foreigner wins their award?
It might! :) But I think I consume enough maple syrup for it to forgive me. And yay for the block lift. I must be using less words about narcotics nowadays.
ReplyDeleteThere's more than one canadian blog?
ReplyDeleteI learn something every day.
No there are only four or five of us. We all made the finals. That explains everything. Idiot. :)
ReplyDeleteCongrats! I probably wouldn't have known anything about it either, if I were in your place. I think there's a certain grace to being oblivious of the larger blogworld.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm the most graceful person on Earth then! But I do think you are right. It doesn't do to start thinking these things matter. They're nice but really that's it.
ReplyDeleteWell... after reading a steady diet of food blogs yours is a grab you in the chest kind of read.
ReplyDeleteI came to your site via the bloggies and saw those dear little vw buses and stayed to read a post or two.
in my mind ... east coast or west coast... also, your cussing, it works for me.
good luck at the bloggies.
Is it bad that I'm kind of pissed off at you for being a finalist when I wasn't, even though we wouldn't have even been in the same category? Nah, it's okay. I'll just go ahead and be pissed off. Then I'll you tap that ass.
ReplyDeleteI feel dirty all of a sudden.
Powderate: You know, those little buses are just there to snare you with their cuteness! :)
ReplyDeleteMiss Y: You are a dirty lady but that ass needs tapping. I'm just saying.
I voted for you. You make me laugh more than virtually anyone else I read on here. I thank you muchly for that :)
ReplyDeleteI was over there voting for someone else and saw you were a finalist and voted for you and wondered why you weren't saying anything, and I decided it's because you were just that cool. Award? Meh. Nah thanks, guys. I'm good.
ReplyDeleteI could see that.
I voted! I voted! Congrats on the nomination!
ReplyDeleteBloody hell, Veggie Ass, that's *huge*. Seriously *huge*.
ReplyDeleteYou need to get out there and start pimping yourself out!
Wow, I'm in awe!
I shall dedicate the rest of this Bloody Mary I'm drinking to you.
There's not much left, but it's the thought that counts.
Natalie: Thank you! For being insane. In the nicest way. :)
ReplyDeleteSteamy: Yeah I wasn't even going to mention it, but I keep getting pestered so I thought I'd mention it so I didn't seem ungrateful to all those people who had voted for me, by not acknowledging it. What to do? I don't know.
Cat Lady: Thank you pussy lady! :)
Rich: Is that sarcasm I hear? Not that I'd mind. If you make that Bloody Mary a Daiquiri or a Bellini or something deliciously fruity I'll take it. :)
Funny! I already voted for you a while ago. Somebody else was pimpin' their nom, and I took the opportunity to voice my insistent yet resoundingly creepy-free V.A. love.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'll say this, too: you've got the bewitchin'est avatar of anybody nominated. Across all categories. Boo to the Yah, I said it.
ReplyDeleteI am late to the party, so I will now go vote! The Bloggies! LOL!
ReplyDeleteOh wow. What perfect timing! The big exam was on Friday and now I can finally catch up on blogs. Congrats, Veg!
ReplyDeleteI voted. Hope you win!
ReplyDeleteYou could win in the category of best exiled Scot blog. I am so behind with reading blogs, it's like I'm a proper grown up person these days. Hope all well. Vote early, vote often.
ReplyDeleteWow, you are fabulous AND humble!
ReplyDeleteAnd here I thought I was the only one!
Great post!!!
JFC, now i must research bloggies so i an vote for you if i am not too late..but then if i am too late that might be cool b/c then i don't have to do anything. 1:14a.m. and PFT!
ReplyDeleteDone my bit. Now good luck to you. The wrtiing here is great and deserves an award.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I said that.
Deal with it.
Dog: Aw you're a nice man. Don't you listen to people who tell you otherwise. :) My avatar thanks you. When it's not shooting carrots that is.
ReplyDeleteOtie: Put down the vodka dude. :) And thank you.
P: Congrats to you on the big exam being over. Of course you aced it, right? OF course you did.
Dame N: Thank you Dame. It's not like being dame-ified by the Queen but still.
Tgoette: No, we're BOTH fabulous and humble it seems. Mainly fabulous though! :)
Magda: Drunk again huh. That's ok. I know the feeling. Clicking the provided link is just not challenge enough for you. I like to take the scenic route myself.:)
Dan: You did say that. But it's ok because not all drugs are bad. Whatever you are on, I want. Thanks dude. :)
YAYAYAYAY!!! Veggie is going to win the Oscar of the blog awards!! Can I be in your enterouge? (how the fuck do you spell that?)
ReplyDeleteAw you're so cute! I won't be winning it, but it's nice that you nominated me and stuff and so I'm using it as an excuse to party in my head all day anyway. :)
ReplyDeleteDone and done. Voting is now complete, m'dear. I look forward to my picture gracing your pyjamas. It won't be sewn onto the crotch though, right?
ReplyDeleteNot unless specially requested, no. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you miss C!
You know, for once I actually wasn't being sarky! I'm geniunely impressed!
ReplyDeleteBut this is a one-off, I promise you. Normal service will resume shortly. :)
Well that's a relief. I am happy to hear that all those Mike and Ike's have not gone to your brain cells and disabled your snark. :)
ReplyDeleteInteresting...I've been blogging nearly four years and have never seen your blog until now. Still...I do recognize at least four other bloggers that commented here that have been to my blog. The bloggy world is big...but connected...
ReplyDeleteI know! I'm constantly amazed by the people I encounter that turn up in a multitude of other places. I always wonder what the chain is that brings someone to your corner of the world. :)
ReplyDeleteI voted for you.
ReplyDeletePimping oneself out for votes is the way to go. Heck, I do it every damn Tuesday the past few weeks.
Thing is, Little Ms. B, you don't even have to because I've already critiqued your uh...Showtunes and I can honestly say, I have never heard anything quite like it. And I foresee a win in your future.
ReplyDeleteReally? We actually debated redoing this at the end (I think you hear us talking) but as you can see, we said screw it and went as is.
ReplyDeleteI don't think Otie is playing this week so I wonder who Bridgette is going to vote for.
Otie's a chicken. :) He's scared of bruising his masculinity with show tunes. Haha!
ReplyDeleteI can honestly say, it was scary, but you all excelled. In a truly horrific and entertaining manner.
Dreich was a little subdued, but he's had a bad week apparently.
I voted for you even before you called me "lovely."
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking, in that case, that the beer in your hand in your avatar there, had some influence. But hey, thank you! :)
ReplyDeleteBloggies?
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts exactly, dude.
ReplyDeletehey, this is awesome news! Sorry I missed the voting part. What's the prize? I hope it's cake!
ReplyDeleteUm..The Bloggies?
ReplyDeleteYup, I'm late to the party too. I would have voted for you and your bad self, for sure.
Love that you got nominated and to see your name on the ballot. I voted for you the day it came out and would love to see you win!!
ReplyDeleteNow, back to the reading the Idol comments. LOL.
Kat: Cake is ALWAYS the prize, dude, you know that. Who cares what the prize is, the prize is all those lovely people voted for this nonsense. I don't need to win. I don't even care.
ReplyDeleteCandy: I know right? The what? :) I swear I'm last to know everything.
Jenny: Thank you miss J. I hope your ears are enjoying a nice soothing balm of some sort after this week's Idol. Holy crap.