I should probably point out that I don't actually put limes in my Shepherd's Pie, but after all that cooking I will want a goddamn cocktail (that's where the limes come in).
On a nice morning I usually head to a place we call "The Point", where there's a glorious view of the ocean and the still snow-capped mountains, where I sit in my ancient car and contemplate life while spilling coffee down the front of my t-shirt, because I haven't mastered how to put a Starbucks lid on properly yet.
[I tried to insert a photo of The Point here for your visual entertainment, but Blogger won't let me]
Guy, that's not what serene, beautiful places are for, you dirty skank. And just because I laughed for like...fifteen minutes, doesn't mean I condone such blatant exhibitionism. I didn't know whether he was honest and confident and secure in his public flatulence, or just a douchebag with no manners. Then I noticed he was wearing those stupid ass running shoes shaped like feet, with toes and such and I had my answer.
That is so funny! As far as the guy goes, I'd say he was a first rate DB.
ReplyDeleteI guess the seagulls were just doing what they do best. One splatter on your car would be bad enough, but three on your windshield? I hope you didn't try to clean them off with your windshield wipers. m a j o r s m e a r . . .
I got it! Cause and Effect!
Aren't the words "vegetarian Shepherd's Pie" a major oxymoron? Also, weren't you on your way to buy the ingredients for said oxymoron, when you:
1. Spilled your coffee?
2. Witnessed the guy farting
3. Suffered the three seagull shits on your windshield?
It is all a simple matter of "Cause and Effect."
You caused it all by planning to make vegetarian Shepherd's Pie.
The spilled coffee, farting db, and triple seagull shits on your windshield, were all part of the effect. Or if you prefer, an instantly doled out trifecta of karma.
One time, I was staring up at the Washington Monument and a seagull crapped right between my eyes. Some of it also got in my eyes. It really burned (not as bad as fire-sticks). I wonder what I did to cause that?
We have to be careful out there. Now snatch the pebble from my hand...
That was the most enjoyable thing I've read today. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes: you had your answer re: douchery when ya saw the shoes!
Pearl
Pat: You are seriously over thinking this, Sir. :)
ReplyDeleteAlthough you are correct about it all, naturally.
As for the veggie shepherd's pie - I make it with a soy based minced "beef" called "Beanfeast" which my mum sends/brings me from the UK, and it's FANTASTIC. Honestly! And I didn't laugh AT ALL at the mental image of your Washington Monument um...mishap.
Tonight I'm dragging out the power washer and hosing my car down. No seagull's going to get the better of ME! :)
Pearl: Tell the truth now, P, it's the ONLY thing you've read today! Ha!!! Hope you're well!
Ha, could have been worse. Matey douchebag could have jumped out of his car, sprung up onto your hood and added a fourth splatter then jumped down and ran away.... there's no way you could have caught him what with him sporting Lycra and foot mittens!
ReplyDeleteNext time shoot him...that's what you guys do over there isn't it?
At least you got limes, praises be to home workers happy hour , 9am-midnight.
"blatant exhibitionism" yes seagulls are known for that. I've noticed blogs will blatantly discuss farts too. I've written about these natural acts of our digestive systems. It's one reason to have a dog around. Just don't let a blatant fart ruin your day.
ReplyDeleteThe shoes were DEFINITELY the douchebag clincher!
ReplyDeleteFirst he farts and then he wears the douche-y shoes? The nerve! He's got problems.
ReplyDelete