My hair just keeps getting longer and longer, which...well, I'm told that's what hair does, don't think I'm unaware, it's just that it seems to do it way more regularly than I'd like. Sometimes it's okay on the longer side and it feels good to swish around all free and easy, like a ginger hippy princess.
Some days I wake up having slept just right and I look like I have cool, effortless beach waves and hey, check me out, I just woke up looking this awesome. These days happen about as often as you catch a glimpse of a porcine figure with wings floating past your window.
On the other hand, most days I wake up looking like Janis Joplin on a bender, with a head full of bees.
But as discussed ad nauseum for years now, I never seem able to get a good haircut anywhere. I've tried. So. Many. Times. And I should probably point out, it's not the haircut that's bad usually, so much as my ability to wear it or style it myself without looking like I did it with a snow blower and too much enthusiasm. That's good and well when you're twenty and everyone's like "Check out that chick with the crazy hair, she must be COOL!" Nowadays it's more, "Jesus, check out that obvious cat lady who got dressed in the dark and probably has a family consisting purely of mannequins that she keeps in her basement!" That and frightening small children in the supermarket.
Which, when you think about it, is the one up side to all this.
However, it's not the look I'm going for. The trouble is I hate safe, boring soccer mom kind of hair cuts, that's not me. I want to walk in there and go, 'give me funky rock chick hair only a little more age appropriate so I don't look like a total asshole.' But somehow I never do as I'm pathetic and inarticulate.
I'm also trying to partially grow out my fringe a bit (that's 'bangs' to you American folks) and I don't know about you ladies out there, if you've ever tried this, but I'd put it right up near the top of my "Sharp Things I'd Rather Impale Myself On Than Do" list, right after "Licking Donald Trump".
It's such an unfulfilling, labourious, esteem-sucking nightmare. In my opinion anyone attempting this should be allowed to just not leave the house for nine months till it's rectified itself or your head's imploded, and during that time people should bring you all the food/wine/chocolate/tequila you require until it's safe to go out in public once more.
At least I have coffee again.
Ugh. Hair. I hear you. I have days that it's nearly effortless. But more often there are days where I think my hair has come to life and is purposely fighting me just to be a shit.
ReplyDeleteCora: Dude, seriously, it's some kind of conspiracy plot by the hair gods to remind us who's boss! :)
ReplyDeleteAt least you have coffee. WHen I moved, it took three hairstylists to get one I liked. It sucks to have bad stylist. I have the lion look due to humidity because of my curly hair. Then static sets in and it sucks ballz. It could be worse...your hair could look like a bag of dicks. Then that would be something. :)
ReplyDeleteMomma: There are days when looking like a bag of dicks would improve it! :)
ReplyDeleteIt's all about the product! I use some stylin cream with a keratin oil to calm the frizz that started in my mid 40s - right when the grey hair creeped in.
ReplyDeleteI luckily don't have a frizz issue, it's more volume. I have a lot of hair. I need to go get it thinned out and shaped again so it falls right! Makes a huge difference. Dude, it's hard being a lady. :)
ReplyDeletefringe - thanks a new slang definition for me.
ReplyDeleteMy theory is our mind's eye differs completely from all other eyes regarding the impression of our looks. This perception problem includes hair, makeup and 10yr old t-shirts.
You are correct. No one cares how we look except ourselves. But our views still count, right? I can't be friends with myself if I look like a total crazy person now can I? Or can I? Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteLol! Never thought I'd get a laugh with hair!!! :D
ReplyDeleteStay away from bangs!!! When you get tired of them (which is usually quite soon) they're a nightmare to grow out! Of course I realize this comment is months after the post so useless but... There's my 2 cents!
Bad haircuts and avoiding a hassle in the morning is exactly why I keep my hair LONG! It just run the brush through it in the morning and it's fine. Hot out? Up in a pony tail or a clip and neck is nice and cool. Cold? Down long and it's an extra scarf! Thing is, when short my hair tends to poof up like a mushroom, so would take long time in the morning to make it look decent. And every extra minute spent sleeping in bed is very precious to me! ;o)