Tuesday

This week I finally bit the bullet and bought a new phone. I'd had my trusty old one for four years and loved it to bits. Everyone I know seems to have had about three phones in that period, but not me. I loved my old lady and she was all I needed. However, lately, in her senility, like some sort of rogue robot, she decided to develop a personality.

It was little things at first, things like connecting to WiFi only when she felt like it, refusing to let me talk to The Google, and taking pictures that looked like someone had dropped a camera in a vat of porridge. Gradually, she started to move things around in my cupboards and drink all the wine in the fridge while propositioning all my friends, so I figured maybe it was time to just let her do her thing and retire to some mobile island some place tropical where she could relax on a beach oogling all the hot, naked, little Samsungs and Sonys, while I got myself a new mobile servant.

I forgot what a bitch setting up a new gadget can be. Logging into accounts and authenticating things and re-downloading apps and getting a different sized SIM card and blah di blah. But at least it works on my terms and doesn't turn itself off for no reason when I'm in the middle of something. It also refuses to fit in the pockets in most of my bags because it's the approximate size of an apartment block. It's nice to talk to The Google again too, even if it's just to say, "Okay Google, tell me how much Apple products suck!" Because I'm an Android girl forever, in case that isn't already clear.

In other news, the tree from the restaurant next door keeps leaking all over my car. It looks like it has the measles. Little specks of rusty-coloured, sticky crap everywhere that I cannot shift with any cleaner, even a scouring sponge like you use on the dishes. Every time I go to the supermarket, all the cars in the lot are shiny and clean, and my car looks like it just ran some obstacle course through an apocalypse. Gah. I'm getting there slowly with a slightly winning combination of "Goo Gone", WD-40, car cleaner, a pot scourer, and a pressure washer. Need to get either a car cover or a canopy in the driveway or lose my sanity all together.

This makes a good case, I believe, for wine.

The Returned

I've just returned from a sixteen day vacation to everywhere. I'm pretty sure vacations aren't supposed to be about returning more exhausted than when you left, but somehow I managed. It was worth it, however, due to the amount of stuff I got to see and the surface area covered.

During that time I enjoyed mountains, desert, ocean coastline, forest, cities, desolate highways and a whole lot of roads. A lot. Some of the time I wore sandals and sweated in 100 degree temperatures, others I wore a winter coat and boots.

That's how much distance was covered!

From northern Washington state and Oregon, to Northern California, to Southern California, Nevada, Utah, Idaho and Montana. Crazy!

Now I'm home and a little brain dead trying to get back into the scheme of things. It's like my creative brain took a vacation with me. Need to oil those cogs! For now, until I recover sufficiently to post something that isn't mind numbingly boring, here's my favourite photo from the trip because it makes me so warm and happy on this cloudy day! From Joshua Tree National Park.

See you all later.

Progress

Today I managed two marvellous things. 1) I got a semi decent night's sleep for once, and 2) I made a Tres Leches Cake.

Tres leches might be my favourite cake in the history of cake, but I never attempted my own till now so yippee for me I guess! Haven't tasted it yet, it's in the fridge, but all my extremities are happy knowing it's there waiting... If you've never had tres leches cake and you see it someplace, seriously - try it. Unless you're lactose intolerant or something in which case, it'll probably kill you.

The morning today started off really nicely. I was up early, it was sunny out, I had a drive by the ocean then picked up my cake ingredients on the way home. I grabbed a coffee as well from the evil S. and the second I got home, it rained! Well. I guess it's a four seasons in a day type of day. Now I'm hard at work (well, clearly NOT) so I guess rain's ok. It's so nice to see the million blossom trees everywhere at the moment. Lovely that is, unless you're my poor car which is covered in sticky crap ALL the time. It looks like I just drove through a hedge. Ugh.

What's up for the rest of the day? Work, eating cake and listening to Tom Waits singing his pretty little songs about messed up shit. It's all good.

Insom-maniac

I'm an insomniac by trade.

Well not by trade, although, if I could make money out of it, sure, why not? I'm pretty good at it. Experienced. I could probably get a fancy-assed degree in it. With honours!

Being an insomniac much of the time means I often end up getting up in the night and sitting in the living room staring out at the water or watching the quiet street till I start to feel tired enough that I might actually sleep. Sometimes you get the odd person out wandering or riding a bike at 3 am and you can watch them, sneakily, without their knowledge, as they slink on by the front gate, scratching their butt or picking their nose, happily figuring no one knows. Well I know, fella! But it'll be our little secret.

Last night I winded up watching a creepy old episode of "Supernatural" on Netflix when I couldn't sleep, as TV makes me sleepy. It worked, but ironically, when I climbed back into bed, I still couldn't sleep because every little creak or bump made me sit upright, listening for serial killers or demons to burst through the basement door. Thank goodness I have one of those crappy little chains on there like the ones you slide onto the front door before you open it to a stranger.

Because, yeah, I'm pretty sure those are demon proof...

Thought for a Tuesday

Today I paid almost five bucks for a cabbage, how is this possible?  You used to get fourteen cabbages to a dollar surely? Good God. I was, however, able to get a large chocolate fudge doughnut for 99c so you know...balance.

This makes it more efficient for me to eat doughnuts than cabbage.

And they go better with my coffee.

Mi Car Es Su Car

I quite enjoy breathing, so yesterday I had to go pick up an allergy prescription from the pharmacy, so I could continue to do it for the foreseeable future.

While waiting for the pharmacy to fill the prescription, because it apparently takes 35 minutes to lift a bottle of nasal spray off a shelf and put it in a bag, I sit in my car, nursing a Starbucks Americano and an almond tart because why not? The sun is shining, the car is warm, I'm sleepy as all hell, sitting back, relaxing, looking uber-cool in my high class sunglasses with the rhinestone bling, when I hear this noise. It's a familiar sound but I can't quite place it right away. 

In a couple of seconds it hits me like the stench from whatever mutated plankton lives inside Kanye West's decaying brain. That's exactly how my keys sound when I'm trying to get into the trunk of my car. I swing around puzzled, squinting through the rear windshield, and I see this man, about 65, sort of cheery, rotund like Santa but less elf-rapey looking, trying to open my trunk. With a key, no less. The trunk, unsurprisingly, is not cooperating.

He keeps taking out the key and looking at it astounded, like it's turned into a giant finger or something, then he tries to open it again.

What the eff, non-bearded-Santa?

Around about this time he looks up and catches my eye. His expression is not dissimilar to someone who's just opened his bathroom door to find Hitler taking a shit in his sink. What in the hell is some kind of reddish-blonde headed chick doing, brazenly sitting in his goddamn car drinking coffee, is he going to have to administer an ass whoopin'? 

He looks away from me, looks back at the car, then looks at me again making this face:

Then he steps back and glances at my license plate and well...you know in "Futurama" when Fry wakes up and finds himself in the 31st century? His face looked sort of like that.

Because, no, that is not his license plate.

He proceeds to turn a shade of crimson not generally found in nature and he mouths the words "I am so sorry..." and does that creepy cartoon burglar walk of shame back to his own car which was happily sitting two spots down from mine, laughing its ass off, and identical to mine down to the strategic bird crap on the windshield. 

I very kindly let him go on thinking he was a giant confused dufus however, and I definitely didn't tell him that ten minutes earlier, when I entered the parking lot from the pharmacy, I had nonchalantly approached his car, thinking it was mine and rested my coffee cup on its roof while fumbling for my keys, before realizing my mistake and strolling off nonchalantly like I'd known all along. 

The moral of the story is, he didn't see me being a giant clown's ass, so I win.

Yeah...

What the hey, old blog world, are you still there?

Man, I've been busy. And lazy. And non-involved in stuff. And I got a new computer and once again, lost all my blog subscriptions and am now scratching my head in confusion as to how to find everyone again. Hi, I haven't changed AT ALL!

I'm considering doing this again here and there. I miss it. Sometimes. I don't know if anyone's still out there though and well. It's never going to be the heyday of the early thousands right? Everyone's Facebooking their asses off nowadays and I'm still NOT doing that, and only embracing the continuing joy that is Instagram while trying avidly to avoid their constant insistence that I might like to check out Kim Kardashian's latest nude celebration of self (um...no?) or other some other vapid fame whores I care nothing about.

Wasn't there a cyber Monday recently? Did anyone blog? Am I delirious? Don't even answer that.

If you're there, say hello. If you're not there, I'll just send you vibes.

Good?