Friday, September 23rd, 2011 – feels like Saturday, slightly hungover, hair like rabid woolly mammoth, there is not enough cheese
It’s cold. Technically it’s really not cold, it’s 15 degrees Celsius, which means it’s really bordering mildly warm, unless you’re a total pussy, which I freely admit, I absolutely am. But last night I slept in some big, thick, nasty-old, cosy sweat pants because clearly my body has already gone into some sort of winter nesting mode, where it craves warmth all the time. All of which reared up to bite me squarely on the ass when I woke up SWEATING, blankets all over the place and my bum hanging attractively out of my sweats, because they’re too big, revealing an alarming plumber’s crack type situation, which I’m sure the window cleaner, who showed up at 7:30am this morning REALLY enjoyed. Note to self: curtains are there for a reason.
So yes, hi! I’m a touch hungover, I can’t lie. Long vodkas and wine will do that to a person. I get the distinct impression vodka and red wine are probably not the best of friends, judging by the atmosphere inside my head this morning and the fact I downed about a gallon of water before I even properly woke up. And last night I was up watching bizarre movies and being social with alcohol and some friends, as none of us had to be at work today and well…if that’s not a recipe for being belligerent on a week night, I don’t know what is.
It’s come to my attention my hair is reaching Defcon 1 status in terms of looking like it belongs on some feral animal. When I accidentally (on purpose) forget to brush it, it’s starting to look less loose beachy waves and more “I spent the last week sleeping in the forest” therefore, pretty soon serious measures will need to be taken. But you all know my luck with salons by now. It’s an oil and water sort of thing. I’m terrified of them and they enjoy humiliating me. I go in all hopeful, clutching fantastical ideas of what I’d like them to do and they nod and concur and placate me then I come out looking as though I asked them to, “make me look like Helena Bonham Carter after a lost weekend in Amsterdam”. It’s just safer for me to take care of business on my own.
I’m actually supposed to be doing some design stuff today but man, I don’t feel inclined. Plus there’s a giant, treadmill-induced blister on the sole of my foot that needs some serious attention. Ouch. Send help. Or cheese.
Mmmm, cheese…
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
I'm not hungover today, but that's because I was distracted by a thing last night and when I realized it was already 11:30, I decided against trying the whatever cider The Wife picked up for me yesterday (one 22-oz bottle whose maker I can't recall right now) and just took an Ambien instead.
ReplyDeleteI think you need a wheelchair. Broken toes and blisters.
I need a big, padded, astronaut suit. :) And you need a cider. Ha!
ReplyDeleteCider is good. It just is.
I'd asked her to grab me Strongbow because I couldn't remember Kopparberg to have her look. Apparently the place she went doesn't carry Strongbow anymore because of some chemical. The only thing I can think of is because it was a Whole Foods type of store and they object to the use of albumin and casein during filtration. Speaking as a vegetarian, I find that ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteObjecting to albumin I can kind of see but casein is ok. I mean it's not VEGAN but it's fine for vegetarians. Having said that I don't know enough about albumin really, doesn't it have to do with plasma and blood? And if so, EWWW! :)
ReplyDeleteNo, actually it IS kinda cold! My fingers have been cold since Monday, and I'm actually wearing leggings today.
ReplyDeleteAck. Here it comes...
Pearl
Depressing, isn't it? Once you realize winter really IS coming. BAH! Time to launder all my scarves. :)
ReplyDeleteAlbumin is a protein, and while it is found in blood plasma, it is also found in egg whites. However, the term albumin refers to any protein that is water soluble, moderately soluble in saltwater, and loses its structure under heat.
ReplyDeleteWow, so what was their problem with it? Are they going for pure vegan foods only? That's ridiculous! Man, I could not live without dairy products! Not being a meat person either I need them, damn it!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to call them over lunch, so I'll let you know if I hear anything.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'd be interested in their reasons! Seriously!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the window washer dude sports his own plumbers crack often. So no worries.
ReplyDeleteI'm shaving all my hair off in about 2 weeks :)
"It’s just safer for me to take care of business on my own"
ReplyDeleteAfter all these years, your hands and fingers have GOT to be tired.
Oh Jesus. I should've known someone would lower the tone. :) And if I had known, I'd know it would be YOU.
ReplyDeleteIf you were taking care of business yourself, no wonder the window washer was there at 7:00 a.m.! It also explains why the sweatpants were down!
ReplyDeleteYou dirty beast. You and Ed should just go have a party somewhere. :)
ReplyDeleteWe have to seek strenght together and go to the hairdressers. I was really not sure about if I should cut my hair this morning, now that I got home from town, I am. Seriously. Nothing less attractive than fall-winded, a little unclean hair that just lays around everywhere combined with a wind-induced 80's set of bangs. Better go get this fixed soon, but I'm so afraid!
ReplyDeleteOh oh! I'm drinking Kopparbergs tonight! Not the 7% one though, because we have wine too. Chicken. Out.
YUM! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes on the hair. Stupid thing getting all caught up in things all the time. And the tangles. OMG!!!
ENJOY YOUR NIGHT!
I've been offline for a while and haven't visited. I know...shame on me. I like the new heading, especially since it makes it look like the zombie you is picking a wedgie. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteHey Charlie, well you HAVE been busy writing your book... I'll let you off! Also, knowing me, zombie me IS picking a wedgie. Ha!
ReplyDeleteI think you should just take the day off.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that I can properly comment until I have seen pictures of the plumbers crack sweat pants and hair.
ReplyDeleteStrictly for the purposes of being thorough you know... (ahem)
Oh yeah...that is SO never happening. :) EVER. ANYWHERE. HA!
ReplyDeletesweat pants, vodkas, red wines, bizarre movies, feral hair - are you sure no one took a movie of you. Could be a youtube hit.
ReplyDeleteLisle: I am pleading the fifth on that one...oh yeah.
ReplyDeleteIt sooooo was not cold last night. You've been away from the UK too long! :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing on a treadmill with your freaky giant toe, lady? You're supposed to be on the couch with carrot cake. Have I taught you nothing?!?!
ReplyDeleteTrying to be able to continue to eat pizza and cake while still fitting through doors, lady! :) My toe's good enough to get in a shoe now and walking's no problem it's just still a bit on the large side and hurts if you touch it. But the treadmill's not interfering too bad! SO there!
ReplyDeletePenny: And we should all totally just retire super early to the Bahamas or something. :)
ReplyDeleteP: Yes, all those American summers made me SOFT. Ha!
ReplyDeleteI did read once that jennifer A's hairdresser sprays sea water on her hair to make it more bedheady and tousled. Sounds like you are already there!
ReplyDeleteSadly though, she looks styled afterwards whereas I just look MENTAL. :)
ReplyDeletemmm, cheese, is right! With some wine to wash it down. (sorry)
ReplyDeleteI can't exactly remember the last time I actually brushed my hair before going to work. They expect me to be there far too early. Besides, that's what lunch breaks are for. To straighten or curl the tangled, tragic mess we try to pass off as hair. I fail to see the problem.
ReplyDeleteElenka: Oh no no no! Don't be sorry. I agree. Wine is NECESSARY. Wine on its own, wine with cheese...it's all good. Just make it red and smoooooooth...
ReplyDeleteVixen: I sometimes don't brush mine from the minute I wash it to the next time I wash it. It's the only way. Either way, it does its own sweet thing in between.
The hair thing is not really a problem for most guys. I've gotten the stink eye more than a few times from my wife for how easy I can get ready to go out (especially when no shaving is required).
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the hair just yet. It's not quite at the point where it needs to be caged.
ReplyDeleteGood booze skillz, btw.
Winter is definitely on its way... I know this not just because of the slight nip in the air, but because the Christmas stuff is already hitting the shops! For heavens' sake... it is SEPTEMBER! Now I have to get all Bah Humbugish extra early...
ReplyDeleteAfter going to the same stylist for nearly 7 years I was really worried about finding someone new when we moved. My trick to successful hair salon-ery is to pay way more than I am comfortable paying and (more importanly) let the stylist be in charge. They most likely will not rape your head. If you go to a good stylist they typically don't want you to leave the salon in a cloud of tears and death threats.
ReplyDeleteI just say look at my face and cut my hair to make me look as pretty as humanly possible. I use the word "edgy" to describe what I like to look like but also say that I need to look polished and professional, so please no root perm, mohawk or dreads. I tip huge too so that they look forward to seeing me next time.
People don't point and laugh at me while I'm tooling around in public (at least not to my face) so I think my method works. Now - go out there and get that wig busted!
I don't have many problems with my hair, though the one on the right tends to get stroppy when I don't cut it right.
ReplyDelete(Cheese on its way. Want port with that?)
There is not enough cheese.
ReplyDeleteThere is NEVER enough cheese.
Hung over? Well you were surely celebrating James Spader's new role on prime time television and how everything is positively affected by that.
ReplyDeleteVinny: Ha, you're lucky. If I could just shave it all off and go I'd be thrilled. I'd look like a mental patient though. It just doesn't suit me. But I love short hair!
ReplyDeleteTJ: Hmm not yet, but it's CLOSE. :)
Nat: Don't even say that word to me till at LEAST December. Ha! Jeeze.
Martin: Haha! I got my gong out and hit it after that joke. "My gong" isn't any sort of euphemism...
Eric: Yes. Yes I am. Because I hate the Spader and I hate The Office so it's a match made in heaven as I will never watch it. HA!
See now that's my kind of movie. I'd watch that even without the alcohol or social bits. Mind you I watch a lot of late night movies on our local multicultural channel, and some of then make Rubber look like Disney-style treacle. And I'm not saying anything about your lack of maintaining your ginger forest (hmmm that sounds wrong)as my haphazard grooming skills have left me with an asymmetrical fringe. Tip for the day don't sneeze whilst chopping own fringe because your pissed and the hairdresser would require you showering and driving for 5mins.
ReplyDeleteM: Hahaha, my ginger forest thanks you. :) Although I'm not above hacking at parts of it to keep it under control. Preferably, sober, yes. Also my mind is boggling about what the HELL you might be watching down there....
ReplyDeleteHaha. You made me pee my pants. I think reading your posts gives me a bladder problem.. oy. I thought that I wouldn't have to worry about that until I was 90.
ReplyDeleteAnyhairdo, I had to get mine done the other day. I had a squirrel attached to my head...actually two stuck in there. LOL.
Weather? I didn't you know you were such a ginger? :)
Take care and stay warm.
Are you sure you're not bombed, Momma? Seriously? :)
ReplyDeleteNicki: NO! NO THERE IS NOT! :)
ReplyDeleteAs a loner trapped in an extroverts personality, I can really dig #10 : )
ReplyDelete#4. Have partaken of Banrock Stn, and liked it quite fine, next time I'll go for the reserve though, purely on your say-so.
Do it Powdergirl! The Reserve is tasty! Plus it's wine. What's not to like? :)
ReplyDeleteOh yes. I am all about the solo this and solo that. Also? You're stealing my "bikini biscuit," and I am totally stealing your "Jesus Chrissy."
ReplyDeleteThat is SO a deal, Dawn. :) Hee. Bikini biscuit. Still makes me laugh.
ReplyDeleteRubber, eh? Now, that IS bizarre.
ReplyDeleteDude, it's about a tire that wakes up in the desert and goes around killing people by making their heads explode. Yup.
ReplyDeleteI feel you, girl. I was growing my hair long this year but finally cut it off again because I was tired of the tangles. That shit is weak.
ReplyDelete