Friday night – September 30th 2011 – there is a Gnome in my head
I always say, “People, even if you may think it is the awesomest © of all awesome ideas, do not blog while under the influence of narcotics or alcohol!” and I totally stand by that 100%, even though I don’t really always say that, in fact I’ve maybe only said that twice before and both times I TOTALLY lied.
Like now. Because…I’m doing it anyway. And I have faith in my “blogging while a touch smashed” abilities, thank you very much.
Hi! Several strong gin and tonics and some fizzy white wine and I feel a little like someone disconnected my tongue and my toes and maybe my fingers a little bit and they’re all now working independently of each other, in some sort of global conspiracy against the rest of me and it’s a big old MAYHEM of chaos right here, right now. But that’s okay. I’m entirely on top of matters. Entirely.
Besides. What’s a little intoxication among friends? Huh? Nothing, that’s what. Even though I’ve already corrected about 529 typos, I persevere. Because I can do this. I can do THIS. And if I gave up now what sort of message does that send? That I’m a quitter? That I have perhaps drunk myself blind? That I really need to pee? NO!
So yes, it’s true I’m a little drunk. I have the distinct feeling if you pinched my cheeks really hard right now I wouldn’t even feel it. My face cheeks that is, not my bum cheeks. I’d feel my bum cheeks, if you pinched those. That hurts, damn it, I don’t give a fuck how inebriated you might be.
I can also taste garlic in quantities probably only legal in NASA experiments. Oh boy. Ick.
Is this the wrong time to tell you how sexy you are all looking this evening? Because you do. I would absolutely feel you up in the cab on the way home!
Smooches!
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
Thank you, I bet you look sexy too, with those little-drunk eyes peering down my bathrobe. I know you do.
ReplyDeleteI... I don't understand.
ReplyDeleteWas there garlic in the booze?
Cuz that's just gross, dude.
You are the only person in the world I trust with my housewarming party.
ReplyDeleteSarah xxx
I feel truly honoured that you've finally admitted that I am worthy of you feeling me up in a cab. Who says alcohol is a bad thing?
ReplyDeleteOu dear, someone is going to feel bad in the morning.
ReplyDeleteSo let me say a ...
BIG CHEERY HELLO!!
SHOUTING ME, NO I AM NOT SHOUTING .
I love this. Also, I wasn't felt up in the ca on the way home, you just passed out. Such a tease.
ReplyDeleteAh, being felt up by a garlic-y drunk whose digits are in conspirical chaos! It's like a Harlequin romance up in here!
ReplyDeleteI may have said that twice. I'm drunk too.
ReplyDeleteI THOUGHT I heard music and laughter coming from that direction!
ReplyDeletePearl
you're hilarious, but the garlic worries me. How did it get mixed into the alcohol?
ReplyDeleteWhoa! Hang on! I need to catch up with you on the alcohol front!
ReplyDeleteYou are very good at drunk blogging. Brava. My drink is vodka tonic with a twist.
ReplyDeleteSmooches...and if you're now hungover, SMOOOOOOOOCHES.
ReplyDeleteWynn: It's like you can SEE me...
ReplyDeleteMama: Hahaha yes. Garlic cocktails. THE GARLIC WAS ON THE PIZZA.
Sarah: So long as I'm the only person there and get to nurse the bottle of gin I'm fine. So maybe someone else might be better.... ha! :)
Rusty: Hahaha! Now you have always been worthy miss M!
Joe: No hangover, so na na na na na. Meanie.
Joshua: Well you were lucky. Cos I don't even remember BEING there. Yikes, drunker than I thought! :)
Tumbleweed: I didn't want to say but since you brought it up, HA! And yes. I am just romance in human form really....
Pearl: Damn right! Did you hear that fruity song about the queen and some panties?
Gen: NO NO NO NO. PIZZA. It was separate. Although..... NO.
ReplyDeleteMacy: I have a feeling you could manage.
Penny: I will have one for you. Try a Long Vodka if you want a delicious drink. OH YES.
Martin: Ha! I am NOT hungover. I am fresh as a daisy. A kind of tired daisy, admittedly but still. FRESH!
Are we downing garlic gimlets? marinara martinis? Booze and garlic....maybe it's a great combination. Who knew?
ReplyDeleteI'd feel you up in the back of the cab too...and I'm sober. Feel free to grab my boobs. They like it. Mostly.
ReplyDeleteDang and darn it. Smooches anyway.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the 21st century! Where drunk-dialling has been replaced by drunk-blogging... to hilarious results! ;o)
ReplyDeleteHow's the hangover today? :p
i found myself in some mayhem of chaos this weekend, too. sadly no one tried feel me up in the cab. but my boobs did get pinched and lemme tell ya, i'd take an ass pinch over that anyday.
ReplyDeleteEva: OK that made me feel quite queasy, thanks a LOT. :)
ReplyDeleteAmanda: Uh huh. I'll do that. Pencil me in for Saturday.
Martin: Haha, thanks.
Cris: Drunk blogging. It's a bad thing. Hell, at least I still was able to mostly contain the typos. I'm a clearly superior drunk blogger.
Patty: OUCH! I hope a swift kick in the groin ensued for the pincher????
Bah, my most well loved, commented and viewed posts were always the "Holy crap I drank multiple bottles of whiskey" posts. My impassioned bitterness seems to come through best through drunken writing. Heh.
ReplyDeleteBesides, if you stuck to the rule, you'd never blog at all.
ReplyDeleteThe closest I ever got to drunk blogging was when I blogged under the influence of really lovely, warm and fuzzy pain killers after surgery. *le sigh* I still miss good ol' Roxicet.
ReplyDelete*sniff*
There's a gnome in my uterus. Still. And would it be weird if I just sniffed your alcohol and garlic oozing skin for a moment? Tried to get a contact buzz? Is that awkward? You know, overly?
ReplyDeleteYou and I should have a garlic-off.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. Who can eat more garlic? Only the strong will survive.
Take care of your liver! All else is not as important.
ReplyDeleteI knew I had no drunk radar for people in person. Now I have proof I have no drunk radar for people's writing.
ReplyDeleteEloquent and thoughtful as can be!
Lord: The cry of a true alcoholic. :) Actually I'm kidding. The word of a true alcoholic is the idiot who says "Oh I drive BETTER drunk." Because someone needs to boot that guy in the nuts and hide his keys.
ReplyDeleteEd: Oh ha ha! I have a little tipple on Friday nights, rest of the time I'm perfect. You know that. You just won't admit it.
Cora: Awwww! Now that would have been hilarious.
Elly: It's the fourth now. Is the gnome still there? Isn't he getting his boots on about now? YIKES! :) Luck dude.
JUST ME: Girl, you best get training because you have your work cut out. :)
Olga: Yes ma'am. I tread it like a KING. Except Fridays. Fridays is boot camp for my liver.
Ash: Hahaha, cheque's in the mail miss dude. It's a big cheque...
Wait, awesomest is copyrighted? DAMN IT.
ReplyDeleteAnd how come every time I come here I want pizza? Even unholy garlic-filled pizza?
I also now want some fizzy white wine, but that's just an everyday occurrence.
Nicki: Well no, you can use it. I was just covering my drunk ass using a non existent word. :) If it helps I want pizza constantly. Lucky I have some will power I guess. Ha!!! With you on the wine though.
ReplyDeleteWasn't this the topic of a "very special" episode of Punky Brewster?
ReplyDeleteNow, if it wasn't, it surely SHOULD have been. :) Punky would've made a kick ass blogger. Maybe...
ReplyDeleteYou're not too intoxicated to blog until you're spelling it "intoshikated".
ReplyDeleteIf it's really worrisome maybe you could have one of those breathalizers installed where your computer won't turn on unless you blow below a .08%.
Yes, that might be an idea. Or I could just drink MORE till I can't find the "on" switch. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat the fuck is fizzy wine? I got stuck there and you tasting lots-o-garlic, but being drunk and blogging is normal? Isn't it?
ReplyDeleteThat's it! We absolutely must get together at some point and do a drunken vlog. Seriously. Get your ass to Utah, now!
ReplyDeleteSwing by Indiana on your way to Utah, for I, also, would like to partake in the drunken rumpus.
ReplyDeleteAm I using that word correctly? Rumpus?
I definitely laughed right out loud when you told us we are sexy. /struts around. ^_^
I also lol'd at "mochaine."
I also consider you my secret blog buddy. Cuz you read me. And I read you. And we like each other. And it makes me happy.
I probably shouldn't be leaving comments on A.D.D. Wednesday. I'll stop now. <3