Short, Random, Good Smelling Things

Tuesday, May 25th, 2010
Random Thing 1: Woe is my crampy lady belly. Holy crap, it’s like Mother Nature put a porcupine in my tubes while I was asleep and told it to find its own way out. All because Eve ate that stupid apple. Or something.

Random Thing 2: Today, since ‘Bath and Body Works’ were out of my sacred, signature Black Raspberry Vanilla body cream (seriously, WTF, how am I to continue smelling like the Queen of All Awesome Things without that?!) I had to content myself by buying something from their new Summer Vanillas range – namely the apricot body lotion which smells so good on, I might shut myself in a closet and lick myself later. I might have to get the lemon one too, sometime. I’m a fruity gal, what can I tell you? I smell goddamn delicious.

Random Thing 3: I have to confess something. Usually, I’d keep such a shameful admission to myself but I have to come right out and say it. I love “Wipeout”. I know, I know, I’m an avid game-show hater but that show just hits me right in my funny bone. You might say it gives me a funny boner (you might not). Really it’s all about the Big Balls. The Big Balls are the tits (so to speak). You can’t sit there straight-faced and tell me seriously that grown-up people of all ages, sizes and ethnicities, aren’t effing hilarious when covered in mud and being bounced mercilessly into icy water, off of gigantic red, wobbly balls. Don’t even try. You can’t. If you want to see what I’m talking about GO HERE. You laughed, right? Of course you did. Or else you’re dead.

Random Thing 4: “Lost” is over, I’m in mourning, Tuesday nights are a void not even “Glee” can fill (Is it just me or has “Glee” lost some of its sizzle after that three month hiatus it had in the winter?) For those of you who asked, yes I did like the ending to “Lost” – even more now than I did when I first watched it on Sunday, when I loved the island part of the ending but frowned a bit and thought “Seriously?” at the sideways part of things – but I think once I thought about it and figured out what was what, properly, I approve!

Don’t go discussing it in the comments though, I know a couple of people are watching it from the start who haven’t seen the show before, so you know….don’t be an asshole. That’s my job.

Random Thing 5: I have a new friend. His name is Lefty and he’s a cow, in a stylin’ necklace (supplied by some little Mexican guy on a beach – don’t ask). 

Now some may say, “Wow, Veg. He’s a freaking COW therefore, do you think maybe, he might be a SHE?” And to that I reply, “Bite my bum, I make the rules because I am my own Jacob and this is MY island.” (See? That was totally a “Lost” joke. I’m topical.) Besides he has horns. Men are horny. That’s how it goes.

On that fascinating note, I’m going now to have a beer. Goodnight.