Well hi! It's me again. Please don't pass out, I know it's only been two days and everything, yet here I am again, taking up space in your update list or whatever the hell you people use to find new bloggy things.
I should tell you right now that I have had some beer. Just to make it clear in case service is somewhat patchy or possibly grammatically illegal.
Lovely, cold, icy, fizzy, golden beer. I am obviously a pussy, because even a few beers seems to make me all fuzzy and warm and a little bit disoriented. Gone are the days of drinking all night, dancing to embarrassing songs with a traffic cone on my head and puking in the cab on the way home. No Sir, I am a grown up lady with dignity. I keep my top ON.
It's weird though. I'm drinking Coors Lite, for Christ's sakes. You'd think that wouldn't make a mouse drunk! Well it just goes to show doesn't it? Upwards and onwards.
Anyway, I was going to tell you about these awesome key lime cookies I found today, but I really can't be assed. Although I sort of just did. Well, they're really delicious, anyhow. Let's leave it there. Your mind can do the rest.
You know what else happens when I've had beer? I sound all Scottish. As I was just telling someone earlier, I sound like Groundskeeper Willie and Gerard Butler had a baby. But a really sexy baby. And I'm not even Scottish!
OK, yes, I am. But it would be much funnier if I was say....some other nationality that isn't Scottish.
I've also painted two more little canvas boards. I know, I know. This blog's become all about memes and me telling the world I am an awesome painting machine lately and it's really quite sad. I agree. I truly do.
So yes. That's what I've done this evening and last. Painted things and drank beer and gone grocery shopping and eaten a Subway BLT (minus the "L" because lettuce, my friends, is for rabbits. So it was really more of a "BT". Only you know...not British Telecom). Oh! And I clunked my elbow getting out of the car and said a new bad word. I said, "son-of-a-fuck-knocker!"
I know what you're thinking too. You're thinking, "Why did you even bother posting this nonsense?" and I will reply with, "Because I can." And that should suffice, crankypants. See you all tomorrow when I refuse to have a hangover. Nighty.
Update: I had a little hangover when I got up at 7am. A little man with a jackhammer in my brain. Lesson learned.
Update: I had a little hangover when I got up at 7am. A little man with a jackhammer in my brain. Lesson learned.
Plane spotting AND lite beer... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO... Now seriously, if we are going to be friends you have to sort it out. Call yourself Scottish?
ReplyDeletePS Cider is for hangovers, oh and a fatboys breakfast ;0)
God damn it woman I only just commented and now I have to do it again, sheesh! Only for you. Luckily you provide great information in your posts. So now I know that whilst I may well be a serial killer, I am not a commie kiddie fiddler. Phew! Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteI will now return to my role of blessed lazy bastard.
You'd be surprised what makes a mouse drunk.
ReplyDeleteI have a list.
ED: I seem to be a constant source of disappointment to you this week. I consider my work here done. :) 1) it was on sale, 2) it was all I had in the fridge, 3) I mourned the lack of Sol. OK?
ReplyDeleteRusty: You know, I posted just to make you work harder. Again, my work here is done. But I'm happy to put your mind at ease about the serial killing.
Moooooog: You know what wouldn't surprise me? That you have that list. Yup.
I'd totally hit on someone with an accent that sounded like the child of Groundskeeper Willie and Gerard Butler. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteBeer is only good when there's no other choice. Period. Actually, even then it's not really good...it's just necessary.
I love the cityscape.
You can knock all these out in one evening? Fast, talented, AND productive - just like my baby's daddy.
Bahaha! No comment, missy. Actually, I knocked those out in two nights. That city one took forfuckingever. But I'll pretend I'm that awesome. Yes.
ReplyDeletehaha I always sound kind of british when I drink. Or a slurred version of british. Or maybe I kind of do that on purpose. LOVE YOUR ART!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you just have a little Englishman inside of you? Um..not LITERALLY. OK that's just nasty. Visions of Hugh Grant...
ReplyDeleteWow, you have a very steady hand for someone drunk on Lite beer! Cool pix. - G
ReplyDeleteBeer gives me an immediate headache, so I always order it when I'm out with a boring dude so I can have an excuse to LEAVE.
ReplyDeleteI drink Labatte Light occasionally too and one can makes me fuzzy. Gerard Butler, mmmm, could listen to him talk all day. Love the artwork, very nice.
ReplyDeleteI thought REAL people from Scotland said they were "Scots" not "Scottish". J'accuse!
ReplyDeleteBut just so you don't label me a pigfucker (love that word), I will say that I like the paintings a lot. Color is my favorite element in art.
After reading the title, I thought maybe you were going to have "a valid argument against" me. Beer. PS. I will work "son of a fuck knocker" into my vocabulary today. Thanks for that.
ReplyDeleteAh, the rich malty goodness of a light beer... Some of my best art, billiard playing, and public speaking happens while drinking beer.
ReplyDeleteHope the daylight doesn't bring a headache, it *was* light beer...
*distracted by the pretty colors*
ReplyDeletePass me a beer, please.
I think lite beer is for folks who just like to pee.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, this after a couple of beers? We so need to get you lashed and on blogging about what REALLY goes on in your head.
ReplyDeleteActually, thats probbaly not such a good idea.
Hope you're well my Veggie chum?
Don't you hate not being able to get wasted at the risk of dancing with a traffic cone on your head? I've cut waaaay back myself. I mean, I feel better hangover wise on a daily basis, but your know.
ReplyDeleteGreat paintings!
Georgy-Girl: Well to be honest I did the painting BEFORE the beer drinking commenced so you know. Probably wise. :)
ReplyDeleteJust Me: You know what I appreciate? Someone who's obviously in charge of matters and thinks things through. That is just a great idea!
Melissa: I'm happy it's not just me then. And thank you, lush! :)
Words: NOT TRUE. We're Scottish. We're Scots too but hey. You don't go around saying "Hi, I'm Scots." Never. SCOTTISH. If it's not Scottish it's crap. Ask Dreich or Macy or Madame de Farge or Paula or anyone distinguished like that. Scottish. Philostine! :)
Mrs. Beer: Yes. Yes, I drank beer as a tribute to you. Now you can cure my tiny headache I still have.
Eric: I suspected as much, Tex. It explains A LOT.
Li: I bet shiny things get you too? I know it. I'm still laughing at the BJs thing from your blog today. That was awesome!
Skypapa: Now you mention it, I HAVE peed more than normal. I'm usually somewhat of a camel and have to pee twice a day and that's it. Damn lite beer. Also "lite" is spelling for people who don't respect the English language, ok America? OK.
Danny: No. You would NOT like that. Believe me. A small amount of beer is ok. More than that, a squirrel takes over. An evil squirrel. I'm good man, yourself?
Jules: Seriously, I could not handle the alcohol today I handled at 17. I was a party machine then. Two beers now and I'm about to fall into a coma. It's pathetic! :)
I have so missed your hilarious posts. Hubby was sad to hear that you now keep your top on.
ReplyDeleteI do like the paintings! So don't be calling me no pigfucker!
I would never dream of calling such a distinguished injurer of parts such a vile name. :) Tell hubby I'm doing the world a favour. Truly.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, wuuuuut? You so rarely drink these days?! I don't even know you anymore! Who are you! ;)
ReplyDeleteLove the new paintings, as always!
I know dude, I know. I must get my cocktail groove back on and celebrate summer in style, right? :)
ReplyDelete"I can knock one or two out in an evening!" that's what she said! booyeah!
ReplyDeletealso, beaches are for winners. finally, i would like a video recording that you post on your website (or as the kids are calling them a "vlog") showcasing your sexy lady voice. athankyou!
Firstly madam, I knew someone would find that line dirty, secondly, that fact it is YOU is not surprising and lastly re: vlogging? THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. :)
ReplyDeleteThere is never a valid argument against beer, sweetie unless it's "Put down that beer and drink this tequila, then feel free to take off your pants."
ReplyDeleteThe Captain says hi and not to worry, the rash went away in about three days.
I kid. Or do I?
Phew. I thought I had the chicken pox!
ReplyDeleteSeriously though. Shut up.
The very idea of Groundskeeper Willie and Gerard Butler having a baby together is freaking me out, bigtime...
ReplyDeleteYou know, now you mention it...it's horrible. It'd be a big, ginger, bearded, incoherent baby that likes getting hammered, punching paparazzi and dating Hollywood skanks. :)
ReplyDelete...and I don't HAVE a beard.
ReplyDeleteHi there....I just found you over from Eva in Maine and I've just spent the last 15 minutes cracking up.
ReplyDeleteSomething I needed after a day with 12 year olds all over the place....2 days before the end of school.
Oh honey, you poor thing. What you NEED is a margarita and a foot rub. And a baby sitter in another state for a day. :) Ha! Welcome!
ReplyDeleteI try to avoid the calories of beer and stick to shots. At least, that's what I tell my friends, but really I'm just addicted to shots.
ReplyDeleteOoooohhhhh... I so want to think that the New Yorkish type one was inspired by meeeeee but that would be a little crazy and a tad arrogant, now wouldn't it?
ReplyDeleteOh, eff it. It's always about me, isn't it? :)
Living Shallow: That's a good plan. Although I always view it as a shot is your calories CONDENSED into a tiny measure. :) Although I also go by the rule that margaritas are calorie free and good for you because there's fruit involved, so maybe I'm not qualified to judge.
ReplyDeleteRobin: Well, you go on and be the muse and I'll go along with it. It'll be our secret.
Huh?
ReplyDeleteIt's 9:30am and I've just spent several minutes with my mouth open watching a chap la,la,la his way through a 1960's melody!!!??...presume that's NOT you...is it???
....Whatever! Yeah! This is the blog for me...
Pigfucker and son of a fuck knocker...I've just learned some new phrases! Blogging buddies can come in sooooo useful...
ReplyDeleteBy the way, tag for you over at mine x
My mum was a fuck knocker.
ReplyDeleteYou should drink WINE. There are no valid arguments against wine.
ReplyDeleteAlso, when you said you ate a BT, I thought "Boston Terrier"! Because I have a Boston Terrier and I call him my BT, and frankly, I was going to be pissed if you ate my dog.
Love those paintings! You should drink and paint and move to the tropics. And thanks for keeping your top on.
ReplyDeleteCall me or email me the next time you drink beer. I want to hear you sound Scottish.
ReplyDeleteNow, about those cookies......
I love pretty colors! And shiny things! And thinking about making babies with Gerard Butler... wait, scratch that last one.
ReplyDelete; )
Lou: You found the LOLOLO guy? He's my internet celebrity boyfriend! He just doesn't know it yet. Isn't it awesome! :) Now he's hypnotized you, welcome! :)
ReplyDeleteMuummmmeeeeee: See, come to my swearing classes and you'll be prepared for any occasion, missy.
The Jules: That would explain SO MUCH! Ha!
Mmg: See the thing is I just have to LOOK at wine and I have a giant, glowing red moon for a face, so wine is sadly out. I curse wine and its aromas because I cannot drink it. Just pout and ignore and move on to the beer. As for Boston Terriers, I like dogs a lot, just not in a culinary sense... BT is safe.
Sarah: You're welcome. I like my bloggy buddies to NOT spork their eyes out. :)
Jules: Oh yes, you'd like that. And next day there'd I'd be on YouTube. No ma'am. No.
Soda: You want to scratch Gerard Butler? Is that a pervy sex game miss? Don't tell me, I might be traumatized.
Yes! Yes! Yes! It WAS Tony Slattery, utterly destroying his street cred by dressing up as a Mountie.
ReplyDeleteI really fancied him up till then too!!
PS There really is no good argument against real beer... only the "lite" dishwatery stuff.
Holy shit woman, I was just leaving YOU a comment when I got this. Scary. Stop that. And yes, I KNEW it was him. It's so long ago but I remember. It was back in the days he sidekicked (Ha!) Clive Anderson on his show. My memory is crazy. I can't remember what I had for dinner yesterday but I remember that.
ReplyDeleteLettuce is for rabbits. I like how you think. Though I've become more of a salad gal, at one point, lettuce is for rabbits was my mantra. See also, you don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! :)
ReplyDeleteSee the thing is, I like salads, just not lettuce. Lettuce free salad is where it's at. :) Well, I might allow some crispy crunchy lettuce...but that leafy soggy stuff? NO!
ReplyDeleteLabatt Lite is what I had. It obviously had mystery ingredients in it that were placed there by....someone to make me drunker. That's my excuse.
ReplyDeleteSorry Jules won the bag...maybe you can tempt her with some pretty cake and cocktails and she will give it to you! Thanks for the mention. :)
ReplyDeleteAwww I miss beer. In order to get in the best shape of my life, I've decided to cut out beer and bagels from my diet and have cut back on pastries.
ReplyDeleteAlso in reply to an old post, I drink cold beverages in my mug at work. Be afraid if you ever come to San Francisco. I can't have you exposing all my fellow serial killers.
Good for you, P. Seriously, check you out being all disciplined and fit and healthy. I don't drink beer a lot myself or indeed any alcohol really (what a pussy!), but I need to kick cheese in the head. But I can't. Because I love it. Sniff. Life is so hard.
ReplyDeleteI'm ignoring the beverages thing because it's traumatizing, ok? :)
Cheese and ice cream are the two things I refuse to give up.
ReplyDeleteSee, I could give up ice cream easy. I'm not a huge ice cream fan, but cheese? No way. One needs cheese. I could eat veggies all day long but there must be cheese to balance the equation. :)
ReplyDelete