Today is my birthday and I am planning on mainlining cake, possibly snorting it with a straw and then rolling around in the remains, while muttering things like “Come to mama!” and “Oh yeah baby!” and “I love you, cake.” Just try and stop me. I aim to eat a piece for every last one of you. There will also be other treats and I might bust out my big pants for afterwards just to be safe.
So yes, I just came on here to boast and leave you with a haiku that justifies my behaviour.
One must eat the cake
Fill ones belly to the brim
Lie on bed and groan
In case I don’t get to say it on time, happy birthday RED for tomorrow. Later! I’m off to eat lunch in public, and it may or may not include copious amounts of bacon.
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
Happy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteYour Haiku makes a lot of sense, because it is a "must." I concur.
I immediately picture you eating carrot cake do to your color scheme and name.
Thank you!
ReplyDeleteActually it's a mammoth two-flavoured cheesecake, but I wouldn't mind carrot cake either. There might be some Red Velvet cake in my future also. Oh yeah. Might as well wear sweats.
A very Happy Birthday to you, VA! I'm really liking your sunset paintings.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mr. Guy! I'm enjoying painting them. Time for a change though. :)
ReplyDeleteHap, hap, hap, happy birthday. Lang may yur lum reek and aw tha'. Wouldn't you rather have some nice high tea or some Equi's ice cream? Enjoy your birthday and go for the bacon.
ReplyDeleteUh huh. Can you really see me doing high tea? Although, CREAM TEAS maybe. Scones, yum.
ReplyDeleteMy lum does nothing BUT reek, Madame. Maybe I need to employ a chimney sweep? :)
Happy birthday you
ReplyDeleteEnjoy cake and many snacks
Then awake, big pants
Hey, Veg, party on! Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday. Have a big piece of cake for me ... i love cake
ReplyDeleteWishing you a very happy birthday! I applaud your use of haiku to express the gravitas of cake eating.
ReplyDeleteOh, and whore paintings are great, just be sure to call them 'tasteful nudes' to maintain your artistic integrity. ;)
happy b-day and have a piece of cake for me!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! :-)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday dear Vegetable Assassin....Happy Birthday to you!
ReplyDeleteMan, I hope your birthday is a good as my singing :)
I hope you had a happy birthday, sweetheart, and had a piece of cake for me too. A small piece, but one made from dreams of ambrosia and orgasms.
ReplyDeleteHope you had a great cake-filled birthday. Love your painting...so you're a great writer and a great artist? That's fair.
ReplyDeleteHey, you admitted to the day after all! I wasn't sure you would. Happy birthday!
ReplyDelete(And I think I forgot to tell you last time that I love the sunset paintings ... but I do. Very cool!)
Awww, we share a birthday! I've read your blogs before and I suspected you were awesome. But I'm sure now. Everyone born on this day is awesome! I may have had too much cake myself. Little sugar highs keep me happy. Anyway, love your sunset. And I hope you're serious about the Eastern European whore series. I love whores!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Happy birthday.... go ahead, make it your day. :) Let not cakes nor bacon stand in your way! Haha!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! I really like the Parisian painting. Not only are your paintings very good, but as we see more of them it's obvious that you have a distinctive style, too. You're a mature artist, if not a mature person ;)
ReplyDeleteHAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! may all your cake related dreams come true. also, the dreams about winning the lottery and such. because i'm just that generous :)
ReplyDeleteEva: Party on? I think so. I have partied!
ReplyDeleteVodka: Consider it done. A BIIIIG piece.
Hunter: Haha, yes, the haiku adequately expresses everything I think! And yes, tasteful nudes. That's it.
UberG:
Thank you I sure did
Enjoyed snacks up the wazoo
...not literally
Sarah: Again, done! I need to undo my belt a few notches now, can I blame you?
Jeney: Thank you!
Suze: I'm not sure anything's that good dude...
Simon: Ambrosia and orgasms. That sounds like a Radiohead album! :) Thanks.
Lesinfin: Well you must be an effing fantastic human if we share a birthday. I'm pretty sure it means we are godlike or something! It's just that no one knows it yet. But they will. Oh yes, they will. Hope your birthday was half as awesome as mine (or more than half, whatever!). Happy birthday!
Brutalism: Cake filled - check. Count on me for that. Thank you for the compliment too although you're obviously high. :) But I'll take it.
Inky: I know, normally I'm not inclined to even mention it but this year I was all "Bah, let the world shower me with greetings!" I'm very insecure.
San: Thank you. And I didn't. I had both things. And a Bellini. And a margarita. Then it gets hazy...
Words: Thank you for the back handed compliment, fucker. :)
Becky: Aw thank you. And fuck yes, regarding the lottery. Please!
Happy birthday! I LOVE cake. Send me some cake, bitch!
ReplyDeleteWell see, miss B. it's made with fresh cream so it would get smooshed and stale if I did that therefore, I will just EAT it for you, ok? Yes, that is a satisfying compromise. A least for me. Ha. Thanks!!!
ReplyDeleteHAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Grab CAKE with both hands whilst you can. Go BIBLESS with reckless abandon..
ReplyDeletebut remember to check for nut allergy advice, never leave birthday candles burning unattended, and make sure birthday celebrations are overseen by an ADULT....
Maybe you should just bake a cake IN YOUR TUMMY. Great idea or what?!
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday. MY bday is coming up soon and I'm less concerned with cake. I just plan on rocking out HARD. Seriously I'm going to try and do everything I love. Like hiking, surfing and making out with strange men ...
ReplyDeleteVery happy Birthday
ReplyDeleteKate x
Happy birthday. Eat bacon and cake.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday.
ReplyDeleteI got you this comment.
Enjoy.
Yay! Cake orgy!
ReplyDeleteDo you paint with oils or acrylics? (or some other magical Canadian type of paint)
Happy Birthday my friend! If you're not sick of cake (as if that were even possible), my blog baked something nut-free for you.
ReplyDeleteI would have wished you Many Happy Returns sooner but I'm so broke that I'm having to ration my greetings ... oh, and I'm now using the lowest form of internet service available around here, which means I have to steal bandwidth during off-hours. Which makes me a limited commenter for the moment. Oh, and I swear I didn't see this until after I had responded to your comment on my latest and greatest (re: "bacon"). :D
ReplyDeleteMacy: Thanks missy. I decided it was quicker to just stick my whole head in the cake and eat my way out. And thanks for the warnings, mum.
ReplyDeleteMo: What an awesome idea. Except it would defeat the "eating" it part which is the fun bit, right?
Peachy: Thank you! I should have had a bacon cake. No. I shouldn't.
Moooooog: Ha, thanks! I'll treasure it always.
Sid: You party your pants off, girl. Just don't make out with strange men WHILE surfing. That can end badly...
Kate: Thank you! Happy and bloated.
Soda: Sick of cake? Is the apocalypse coming? Snort! :)
Oh and I use acrylics. I wish it were magic paint but no.
Kat: I'm always scared when you bake anything because I know it involves vaginas. And I am seldom disappointed. Thanks man!
DJ: Do you have that internet that's powered by two hamsters on a wheel? That sucks. Now I'm going to go check out what mocking nastiness you made of my comment.:)
Happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteHaha, you 'got' the candle comment made elsewheres. It does not surprise me. That is all.
I am nothing if not predictible! :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! :)
ReplyDeleteDon't overdo the cake - you need to save some room for jelly and ice-cream afterwards!
You know, I don't like ice cream all that much so pah to that. Extra cake!!!!
ReplyDeleteHappy late birthday!
ReplyDeleteCake and copious amounts of bacon = win.
It IS pretty hard to have a bad time with that equation, yes! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! Sorry I'm a day late and a dollar short. Which means, no, I didn't get you any money.
ReplyDeleteYou're always a dollar short, man. And a spanner short. Of a toolbox. If you get my meaning. Dullard. :)
ReplyDeleteBut thank you!
Lovely painting. You should give it to yourself as a birthday present.
ReplyDeleteHaha, that made me laugh. :) I'm not sure I want it, but thanks. HA!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday! I'm going to make a cake and eat the whole thing in honor of you!!!!
ReplyDeleteI must know what flavor cake it was. Please.
ReplyDeleteHAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
Yeeeeehaw!!! Happy Birthday Veggie!!!!!!!!!! Margaritas on me! Not sure if they'll ship well so I guess I'll just actually pour them on me. But it will be in honor of your bday!
ReplyDeleteJules: Thank you, I think I can allow it. This once. I'd do the same thing myself after all.
ReplyDeleteCora: It was cheesecake. Huge. One side was apple caramel and the other was raspberry chocolate. There is still an abundance of it in the fridge. Really.
Buffy: Haha yes, pour them on you. Sticky but you'll smell delightful and people will want to lick you.
Happy birthday again and thanks for the bday wishes! :)
ReplyDeletehappy belated birthday! i'm going to eat some cake in your honor (or is it honour) right now!
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday! I'm a few days late, but with the whole Canadian/American exchange rate being what it is, you could argue that I'm right on time.
ReplyDeleteRed: Thank you. I hope yours was fun. :)
ReplyDeleteClaire: Why thank you. As long as it's in my honour you can spell it any way you like.
Jon: Haha, that's awesome. I intend working that into every birthday I forget from now on, somehow. Depending on nationality. Thank you though! :)