November: Now With Stuff

Because I'm bored and somewhat kind of heart, (and totally lazy) here is a little repost from a couple of years ago that I wrote in honour of November, which tends to be a bit of a nothingy month.  I never do reposts and usually I’m sort of staunchly against them but hey, whatever.  I made a few edits, therefore, it’s almost new. 

You can pay me later. I accept food stamps and naked photos.

• According to Morrissey and his fey hair, November "spawned a monster in the shape of this child"! I wonder if Morrissey was born in November because, if so it would go a ways to explaining THIS photo of someone's dad going to the Bingo Hall Social.
  
  
• November 5th, we Brits celebrate "Guy Fawkes Night". Mr. Fawkes was some dude who, with a bunch of Catholics, tried to blow up parliament with gunpowder, back in the olden days and given the fact he had a ton of it he failed miserably and ended up executed by the Protestants.
  
  I imagine the night of the "incident" went something like this.
  "Are these gunpowder kegs in position? Yes? OK then. Light the thingy then on the count of 'one' run like your knackers are on fire. Which they will be if you don't pay attention to that last point! Wait... What do you mean you 'didn't bring any matches?'"
  
  Now we remember his "lack of win" by letting off fireworks, roasting marshmallows on a bonfire and setting scarecrows on fire. Don't knock it till you've tried it.
  
  
• Allegedly, it is somewhat customary for humans of the male persuasion in Melbourne, Australia to grow a big, furry moustache during the month of November. This is apparently known as "Movember" for "moustache" and "November".
  
  
• In Finland, November is celebrated as "Month of the Dead". That's a whole month of death. Take that Mexico. And let me tell you from the experience of one particularly blurry night in Helsinki, the Fins know how to throw a fucking celebration. Those people drink like prohibition is just over the horizon and barrelling towards them at the speed of light. And I'm from Scotland so you know, don't go thinking the irony of that statement is lost on me! So ..don't go to Finland in November. As well as your balls freezing off you're liable to get iced in another way. Just saying.
  
  
• In Croatia, November is known as "studeni" which apparently means "cold one". I'm not sure if they are referencing the weather, Betty Draper, a stiff (Hi Finland!) or they want another hit of Karlovačko. Regarding Karlovačko? I imbibed that very Croatian beer while sitting in a square in Split once (at least I think it was square, it was spinning a lot at the time). For two days afterwards I thought I was the Russian prime minister. That stuff is dangerous. They say it's only twelve percent proof, but twelve percent of what, that's what I want to know..
  
  
• November is the most boring month of the year because I can find almost nothing interesting that happened during it, probably because everyone's getting either hammered or murdered. Even Wikipedia was like, "Dude, that is SO all I have, go find a life or something, please!"

All this stupidity however, is cancelled out by the mere fact that November is the month of my birth and so to all you fellow November babies of awesomeness, I dedicate this to you.