Yesterday was Veteran’s Day and to many of us, apart from remembering the troops, that meant a holiday. I decided to spend it the way a holiday ought to be spent – sleeping late and polishing my poppy and going back to sleep.
It was a plastic poppy. From the gas station during a trip up north...
Things I have learned this week:
1) There is such a thing as too much chocolate.
2) If you’re not careful it is possible to unknowingly attach a club lock to a steering wheel in such a way that it slightly depresses the horn which in turn seriously depresses several of your neighbours when it proceeds to blast on and off all night resulting in a drained battery the next day and possibly many livid glares. Oops.
3) It is possible to find a soy based veggie burger that doesn’t taste like shit.
4) The new version of the old sci-fi eighties’ series “V” is jaw droppingly awful. Let me try to put it into words for you. It’s like when a hot band of pain flashes across your belly all of a sudden and you know you’ve eaten something bad and you groan and you rub your belly and you clear a path to the bathroom just in case your innards think about becoming outards while sweat starts to trickle from your hairline onto your clammy forehead and you can’t sit still because the pain feels like there’s a diseased elf filled with malice jabbing your gut repeatedly with a hot scythe, while his little accomplice bastard sits behind you kicking you hard in the lower back with steel-toe capped boots, and you feel queasy and uncomfortable and achey, and the bile is rising in your esophagus, ready to burst forth at any second in a fountain of puke, so you get up, breathing heavily and you clutch your abdomen and you hobble, painfully, slowly, muttering and grimacing towards the bathroom, tearing your pants off in blind panic and throwing yourself on the mercy of the porcelain throne and you sit there, sweating, aching, blasting noxious, toxic gases from your bum, aware suddenly that you were too panicked to close the door and now there’s a crowd of ten people you invited round for drinks, including your boss, all gathered around the bathroom door staring at you, anxiously inquiring if you’re ok, while you’re butt naked on the toilet and you think, “Nothing can be worse than this moment.”?
Yeah, well watch “V”. Surprise!
5) Lastly: Haiku are fun so go see Hunter over at Time Crook as he wrote a great car related entry filled with haiku, a few of which I even contributed, so go on over and check it out and while you’re there check out his whole blog because it’s full of dry humour, poignant thoughts and the sort of general awesomeness I can never hope to aspire to.
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
V's bad, but I don't know that it's "nasty shit" bad.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't get past plastic poppy. WTF is a plastic poppy. I'm too afraid to google the phrase. I've already gotten two warning about surfing for porn during work hours.
ReplyDeleteI thought V was bad but not that bad...ouch.
ReplyDeleteNow too much chocolate, that is never bad, or so I thought.
xx
You get a holiday for rememberance day!!! Over here they very cleverly made it REMEMBERANCE SUNDAY (see what they did there???.
ReplyDeleteI suppose having NO holiday means that we have to make a greater effort to mark the minute's silence at 11am onn the 11th of the 11th. Can't just sleep through it......
I remember the original "V."
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it was equally as bad and my underdeveloped child brain just didn't pick up on it. Entirely possible.
Thanks for contributing to the Haikuapalooza cause and for your (far too kind) endorsement over here. I think between your NASCAR haiku and my one about the Jesus fish, we alienated a pretty specific demographic. I expect Fox News to condemn it by mid-day.
Thanks again!
then what a fabulous growing week it is
ReplyDeleteI would have warned you not to watch V. Even though I like to believe ABC is the best network, relatively speaking, V was just a no no.
ReplyDeleteWow. You make "V" sound so bad I almost want to watch it now.
ReplyDeleteThings I learned this week:
ReplyDeleteSomeone actually eats soy-based veggie burgers.
wtf.
I take it you didn't life "V"?
ReplyDeleteWtf are you doing using a club in canada and north dakota?
ReplyDeleteAnd hey I always wanted to try a veggie burger.
Ed: Nope. I stand by it. It was THAT bad. Underdeveloped, over glossy, messy and stars Juliet from "Lost". Need I say more?
ReplyDeleteSid: Haha, they're not sinister. They're just what they say - plastic poppies that you're supposed to pin to your shirt in remembrance once a year. Everywhere sells them for a few cents.
Vodka: It was bad. It was like a dumbed down sci-fi movie with CGI. Yes it was. You just admit it.
Macy: I remember that. I remember Brownie parades on that day every year. Here there's a holiday. I like holidays!
Hunter: I've been watching the original the past week or so which is why I checked out the new version. I was so disappointed. And you're welcome!
Peachy: Hahaha.Correct. :)
SG: Then do it. And don't blame me when your brain rots and you get all indignant at the mess.
Moooooog: Well you sort of have a point but these ones were decent. Don't ever try the McDonalds or BK ones though. ARGH.
Eva: You know what? I didn't. You are very observant.
Mr. C: I think people have nothing much to do so car theft is big with the kids. :)
V wasnt THAT bad. Take the boss out of the crowd of people watching you go to the bathroom, then you have how bad it was. :)
ReplyDeleteWell then, I'm glad I missed it. I'd planned on watching it and forgot on the night it started. I have an aversion to watching a tv series if I miss the premiere.
ReplyDeleteYou still use the club?
ReplyDeleteHey, get with the times, lady
It's 2009!
HAIKU!
Is the4 veggie burger from a restaurant? I hope to find a frozen one in the supermarket that doesn't taste icky.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm going to give V a chance, maybe it will get better.
The human representation of the alien chick was kind of hot, but I lost interest after 20 minutes.
ReplyDeleteSo disappointing about too much chocolate and V. I would like to hear the chocolate story tho! But hooray for the soy veggie burger! Which one do you speak of? I must know...it's a compulsion of mine to try them all. Hearts and bear hugs to you!
ReplyDelete1. I simply don't believe you about a good tasting veggie burger.
ReplyDelete2. "V" is horrendous. The pilot was merely mediocre, and I thought it might be okay. But the second episode made me alternate between sleepiness and anger.
Mr. Mad Cats: Haha, ok then. But it was pretty dreadful, right?
ReplyDeleteOWO: I have the same aversion. No point jumping in later and going "WTF?" Although I saw the pilot of "V" and I still said "WTF?"
Beck:
I am quite retro
The big club terrifies thieves
With its phallicness
Soda: Nope it's a supermarket no name brand actually and really not bad at all. Although have you tried Amy's? They're my favourite of all. Esp. the Texas Burger they make. YUM!
Eric: Yeah, there was no suspense and everything happened too fast. It was like half way through the episode there was already a resistance and the aliens were established. That whole show should've been about a build up and tiny sinister things happening and culminated with the arrival of the ships as a cliffhanger to the pilot but instead it was boring and messy. MEH.
Buffy: It's not that interesting a story man. It involved pms and quieting it by dosing it with chocolate as it asked. Lots and lots. :)
Words: 1) HA!
2) It was taking an old show that had a decent premise and remaking it and the idea was a good one but of course they effed it up. It could have been great. Instead it was special effects with a lame attempt at story. Why reveal the "good" aliens living among us in the first episode? Surely that's shock material for later? BAH!
Really? A soy veggie burger that doesn't taste like shit? What brand?
ReplyDeleteI had the worst veggie burger of my life yesterday. It was Amy's brand on sale for like 90 cents for a box of four - that ought to have been a fucking sign, right? 90 cents? Talk about quality. Anywho.... I was so traumatized by the flavor, I ended up throwing the whole lot away. Nasty.
I want my 90 cents back. And my taste buds.
That's crazy because Amy's are my favourite brand of all. They're expensive though so those must've really been bad for that price! :) ICK!
ReplyDeleteEven though we get no holiday because we do Rememberance Sunday, you're still supposed to do a minute (or two) of silence at 11am on the 11th November.
ReplyDeleteOur entire office did except one team. We got to listen to an indepth discussion about thunking java classes for two minutes whilst everyone glared at them. They 'didn't know' apparently. Doesn't happen every year or anything....
They're remaking V???? Whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? I bet it can't be as bad as the Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard I saw last night. It made the Vinnie Jones version look like a cinematic masterpiece....
LMAO!!! I sooooooo agree with you about V. I wrote about that in my blog for tomorrow. That show sucks serious donkey dink.
ReplyDeleteSquirrel: Yes! And badly. I mean it makes the original look....GOOD!
ReplyDeleteCass: Hahaha. I spent all that time being verbose and you summed it up in one line. It sucks serious donkey dink. :)
wait... did you like the v? or not? you didn't take a stance on public naked toilet evacuation so it's a little unclear.
ReplyDeletei can never do the haiku. mabes i'm just sucky at poems in general.
I used to make my own veggie burgers with soy from scratch but now I don't care enough and just buy the frozen black bean ones. If you put enough mustard and onions on them they taste fine.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Some Guy - I wasn't planning to watch V, but now I might check it out for the gobbling.
Too much chocolate sucks.
ReplyDeleteI think it's safe to say I will be avoiding V.
ReplyDeleteBeckster: Haha, yes I LOVED it. :) Or not. I am the haiku queen. I suck at regular poetry but haiku are easy and amuse me.
ReplyDeleteLady: I used to once up on a time as well but now I'm too lazy and buy the frozen kind. :) One of my fave v/burgers is from Burger King in the UK - they do a spicy beanburger. I've eaten them since my teens. YUM. Whenever I'm home I have to indulge.
Jules: Usually I'd have to disagree but you are right. It can be unpleasant.
Hannah: Yes. I suggest you do. It's disappointing and glossy. If I wanted to see Juliet from "Lost" running around with her bitchface on well...I'd watch "Lost" I guess.
I have to say that the older version of 'V' is just tragic. Surely nothing can compare to the ghastliness of it. Not even your eloquent description can make me change my mind. I remember watching it and thinking that surely there had to be something better to life than this.
ReplyDeleteThing is, Madame, you'd see it in a whole different light if you saw the NEW version. That's how bad the new version is.
ReplyDelete(2) is a tough lesson to learn. But very, very funny!
ReplyDeleteI wish you would stop beating around the bush, Veggie. Did you like the new V or did you not??
ReplyDeleteThe old version was on sci-fi channel a couple weeks ago. It's bad, but I still enjoyed it. Like, it's so bad it hits the end of the universe of bad and enters a black hole and comes out the other side in a parallel universe where it's kind of enjoyable.
I got that V feeling from just watching the trailer things- for once common sense prevailed and I have thus far avoided it.
ReplyDeleteps- my poppy stabbed me. Twice. Do you think it's karma?
Mo: Damn right! NO more club is the motto. Damn horn.
ReplyDeleteSteamy: I'm undecided. Really. (No)
The old version at least has a plot and revels in its cheese, whereas the new version just sort of plods along looking pretty and achieving nothing. Horrible!
Kim: Poppies can be vicious. Stabby little plastic things. :)
#2 made me feel slightly better about the incident I wrote about in my blog the other day. But then I realized I was naked and you weren't. So it made me feel shame all over again. Although, if a combination between my embarrassing moment and yours could possibly have been had, it might just cause the blogosphere to implode due to the sheer awesomeness of it.
ReplyDeleteI didn't think V was that bad. Because television like The Hills still exists. But nice imagery on that!
Hahaha! The world is not ready for that incident, my dear. And it never will be.
ReplyDeleteV was that bad. But I refuse to even admit The Hills exists so you might have a point. V though. Wonderful idea, pulled off really terribly.