December 6th, 2017
There's a thing I've noticed and it's that people are giant, pulpy, slobby beings much of the time. I say this because it's astounding to me how many people don't mind their cars being stuffed full of crap.
Whenever I see such a vehicle, know that I am making judgments about you. Petty little snide judgments about your general level of stank and assessing my need for a Hazmat suit before entering. It always surprises me, because I thought it was a movie thing, where the teenage girl/boy has an old car and it's just a massive germ factory of wrong, filled with fast food wrappers and cups and general dismay. But I see it in real life too and not just from kids.
My own little run around car is ancient. It probably knew a few actual dinosaurs in its heyday, before I knew it, and it possibly once had square wheels, I'm not sure. But it is clean. I dust it regularly. I never leave trash in it. I have a canvas tote in the back to hold anything I need to stow or deal with temporarily. If I have a coffee in it (and I do, regularly) I take the cup out and throw it away immediately. I just thought everyone did. Turns out no, they do not, and I am some sort of OCD, maniac Martha Stewart. I'm not even an overly tidy person in general, sometimes I will procrastinate dusting my house for two weeks, and you do not want to see my underwear drawer, but man, the car thing is like a litmus test for insanity if you ask me.
Now the OUTSIDE is another matter. I have been in my current city for three years now and I have NEVER been to a car wash. You heard me. I have, however, washed it by hand maybe five times and it rains all winter, so you just shut up, it gets plenty of water cleaning manna. I live by the sea and it's windy a lot, and I have to park under a tree all the time, so it's never clean for more than a day. So what's the point in all that effort?
The Queen of Hyposcrisy has spoken.
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
I hate it when someone offers to drive when we're both going somewhere and then has to clear out the front seat, or take the dog-hair blanket off so I can sit down, or (worse) says, "excuse all the dog hair; my four gigantic mutts shed constantly." Hey, let's take MY car. I have no kids and no hairy pets, and my car is both clean AND tidy.
ReplyDeleteI am with you, sister, judging!
Hahaha, TOTALLY. I mean I get miffed when my little fleece blanket in the back seat isn't folded but scrunched up in a ball, so maybe I'm a bit ocd after all....:)
ReplyDeleteI can not believe how EXACTLY this is precisely what I was just thinking.
ReplyDeleteDear Royal Majesty of Hyposcrisy,
ReplyDeleteI request your forgiveness in my less than clean car. I know it would be in a worse state of filth and grime if not for my wife with whom I share the vehicle. One item that my wife and I disagree on is the number of clean napkins (Starbucks, McDonalds, other places offering napkins) to have at the ready for those accidental spills.
But you certainly agree - better an empty cup on the car floor than on the shoulder of the road.
Lisle: We have another car that we share. My significant other thinks trash is invisible and I'm pretty sure would be driving around in it as long as he could see over the pile. I just refuse to even get in it till it's tidy. My little car though, I'm the only one in it usually and it is immaculate. It's my happy place. You risk your life if you leave trash in my old car. :) Oh about the napkins, our shared car has an abundance in the centre console. Also salt and pepper packets and the occasional condiment. Yep.
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