Ok, things seem to be fairly finished now and working regarding the new spanky layout. It’s sort of “in your face” isn’t it? Just how I like it, baby. It works in Chrome and Firefox anyway. If it looks like a giant unicorn took a rainbow coloured dump on your screen, you’re probably using an old version of Internet Explorer, in which case, you should get a browser that doesn’t suck the joy out of the universe, loser.
I bet you use AOL too, you sick bastard.
Onto the meaty part (that’s what she said!)
I read something really alarming today. I read that Hollywood is thinking of remaking “Rosemary’s Baby”. At first, I couldn’t believe anyone thought it necessary to remake such a classic movie, but then I punched myself in the face for my blind stupidity, because of course someone was going to remake it. Someone always remakes classic movies and makes a mockery of them, because somewhere in Hollywood, sits some over-stuffed executive who thinks people can’t cope with any piece of film more than ten years old, therefore, sets about producing lame new versions full of special effects and pretty people who can’t act and destroying everything that actually made the original, work.
Plus I don’t get it – there are thousands of talented, starving screenwriters out there producing wonderfully creative material, so why do we have to continuously remake movies that already exist? Why people? It boils my giblets, it really does.
Also, I heard Michael Bay is going to be the one making it. I’ll let that sink in for a second. Michael Bay wants to remake “Rosemary’s Baby”. No, I’m not shitting you. I wish I was. I guess in this new version, Rosemary’s going to have enormous tits and explode at some point.
The exploding part might not be such a bad idea, since I also read that Lindsay Lohan is in talks to play the Mia Farrow character. Once I stopped laughing (because really, if you can you think of a less appropriate actress to portray an innocent, sympathetic and pure newlywed than la Lohan, I’d like to hear it) I figured they must be remaking it as a comedy or something. Unless I missed the part in the original where Rosemary pretended to be a lesbian, had a war with her crazy father, went to rehab, snorted coke off an anorexic himbo’s ribs, swigged vodka like water, shagged half of America and threw tantrums because she couldn’t get into clubs without waiting in line.
The only part I can buy about the idea of Lohan as Rosemary is, I can totally see her pregnant with Satan’s child.
The site looks rad, yo! well done.
ReplyDeleteRemember when LiLo was a promising, young actress? So very, very sad...
Yeah dude, remember? So much promise. All cute and redheady and freckled? So long ago. When's the last time she did anything worthy?
ReplyDeleteI'm lovin' the site! What I'm NOT lovin' is Lohan. WHY THE F*CK IS SHE STILL AROUND????????? WHO HIRES HER???
ReplyDeleteSeriously.
Ok. I'm done.
P.S. I'm NOT loving the vomit pic though. There. I said it. You KNOW I have issues with the vomit.
I want to see Justin Beiber playing the baby.
ReplyDeleteJules: Whoa, calm down there missus.:) She's there as a reminder of how not to live your life. And my old icon refused to work on half the blogs I visited so I changed it. Maybe I'll change it again. You made me paranoid now, beeyatch.
ReplyDeleteLibby: That sounds seventeen kinds of perverted to me, ma'am. But you know, you keep your fantasies alive, that's what I say. :)
VODKA!!!! YES!!! That is WAY more my style!!! YES!!! And I thank you! Big kisses! SMOOCH!
ReplyDeleteDon't say I never do nothin' for you. Except talk in double negatives.
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to the upcoming Godfather remake due out this summer starring Samuel L. Jackson as Vito Corleone and Zac Efron as his son, Michael.
ReplyDeleteThat would be awesome. So long as they completely change it so that Sam can talk in seventies jive talk and Zac can sing his part.
ReplyDeleteRe: Godfather remake, Don't Samuel L Jackson and Zac Efron then have to switch bodies at some point? I think mandatory body-switching is in Zac's contract now. That would be AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, Zac jive talking and wearing big lapels would be sweet! Pitch that immediately.
ReplyDeleteThe new look is cool.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I came here expecting boobies.
Instead, you burned my eyeballs with a pic of that hellcat LiLo.
You bitch, you.
Ha! My work here is done! :)
ReplyDeleteSorry man.
LMAO! Great post!
ReplyDeleteThey are going to totally ruin all the top drawer special effects in the remake of 'Clash of the Titans'. Is nothing sacred???
ReplyDeleteThe news in your post was a total punch in the nuts. I hope Polanski sleeps with Bay's underage daughter in retaliation. (Lest anyone get tweaked, that is a joke.)
ReplyDeleteMichael Bay does "Rosemary's Baby?" Sweet fuck, that sounds like a South Park episode.
ReplyDeleteDiggin' the new layout.
I don't understand all the remakes either. Exploding boobs my make it worth while to watch if it has Lindsay Lohan it it.
ReplyDeleteI can see I’m going to have to be the one to say “At first glance, I thought that was a penis pointing towards Lindsay’s mouth on the right side of the photo.” Because no one else will admit it, will they?
ReplyDeleteMomma: Merci madame.
ReplyDeleteEric: Yes. Top drawer. Yup.
Hunter: No, it isn't a joke. :)
Jennifer: OMG it absolutely does! You hit the nail on the head.
Melissa: This is also true.
Simon: I actually originally captioned it with something to do with that very thing! Finger penis! Always funny!
Great new site ;-)
ReplyDeleteCould do without the Lohan pic though....that just gave me indigestion!
Yeah, Lindsay's great if you're dieting, I hear. :)
ReplyDeleteBaysplosions!
ReplyDeleteThat is pretty much the worst, although I do wish someone would really make a movie of Thundercats.
Michael Bay short film on getting the mail. You can thank me later...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt9R_boH_pU
Nice new look, Veg. It is beneath me to comment on Lindsey Lohan, though.
ReplyDeleteSoda: I nominate, YOU for that. I do.
ReplyDeleteSkylersDaddeh: That is awesome. :) And I'd love to pull the double gun maneuver on my neighbours when they come in at 1:30am and slam the door. Grrrr. Joking. Mostly. Water pistols anyway.
Eva: Good girl. You're far too classy to comment. "Talk to my publicist!" says Eva.
i'm pretty sure lindsay lohan has sold her soul to the devil already, so it works.
ReplyDeletei heard they're re-making "laverne and shirley," too. WTF?
ACK! Lindsay Lohan as an innocent? I like your summary of reasons why she would be an ass-poor choice. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know I read the first line saying remake and my first thought was "please lord (or maybe it should be Satan in this case) not Lindsay, please lord not Lindsay". And I scroll down and what do I see freakin' Lindsay "ebola riddled skankmeister" Lohan. It's official the world has gone to hell.
ReplyDeleteI'm bummed I didn't get to see the vomit picture. Thanks a lot, Jules!
ReplyDeleteThe one I'm most upset about is the remake of Footloose? I mean, come on! No one touches the Bacon. NO ONE.
You didn't miss much with the vomit thing. Really. Also, I want an excuse every day to say "No one touches the bacon!" because it totally sounds vulgar.
ReplyDeleteI really thought I would see more airstream, but the layout still rocks. I would have to say that 50% of it being so awesome is still due to do S&C's epic illustration.
ReplyDeletei could say that i despise michael bay, but the truth is i kind of envy him. i mean, the man makes money off being a jerk, and when he loses it on set, he goes to his million dollar convertible and does wheelies till the pain subsides. fken a.
ReplyDeleteoh, lovely new layout by the way. firefox ftw!
It's like the after picture came before the before picture.
ReplyDeleteLindsay Lohan, shoot. I don't want to say anything bad about her. She could still pull a Robert Downey Jr. and next thing you know, she's a respectable acting veteran starring in well-received popcorny superhero movies and terrifically unfaithful adaptations of literary detective yarns.
I'm guessing she could be, like, Electrowoman or Dynagirl. And follow that up with the Nancy Drew Chronicles: The Later Cases.
Firstly, I'm hurt by that AOL comment. I'm not sure if you are aware, but I am partial to them, being that I still use their email because I'm too dumb to use my gmail account.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sick of these movie remakes. Dammit just leave the classics alone! How bout remaking the shitty ones and improve upon them (i.e. Showgirls) Lindsey Lohan?....Really? I guess whoever did casting is on crack too.
Lohan as Rosemary's Boobie? Sounds about right... bring on the green vomit.
ReplyDelete(Great new look you have here!)
I love Lindsey Lohan.
ReplyDeleteIntoxicated and unintelligible is my bread and butter.
About time you fixed up this joint, so that klassy people like myself can visit.
ReplyDeleteAladdin: This is true. She's halfway there already! Good point.
ReplyDeleteMainland: I know! That's putting it mildly. :)
Rusty: See, it's your fault entirely for thinking it. Now if it happens we can blame you. I actually thought it might be an April Fool's joke but then I figured it was way too subtle for a gossip site.
Mr. C: I know, Soda's illustration is da bomb (do the kids still say that, I don't know?) And this time round only gets a little tiny box to live in. But it will be revived some day believe me. I just needed a change.
P: Yeah he must be doing something right. Just keep his grubby hands off classic movies. Or get a different style of movie making.
Dog: I can't tell if you're even being serious or not right now. Closet Lindsay fan? Maybe. I think she can act actually, or could. Maybe she WILL be back. Maybe.
J: Hahahaha! Sorry. I have an AOL aversion with their busy screens and censored crapiness. But since you're cool I'll let you off. Gmail just makes so much sense even if it's sort of ugly and plain. Make the switch, seriously. Make the "You've Got Mail" guy cry.
Cat Lady: Haha, if they call it Rosemary's Boobie she'd be appropriate. Sort of soft porno type thing. Otherwise, ick! No.
Moooooog: I almost added yesterday to the post saying "Of course when Moooooog gets here he'll announce his intentions to do La Lohan and try to shame me. Not working buddy.
CDP: Yes ma'am. I consider myself chastised. The carpets are clean and the windows scrubbed, you may enter, Martha Stewart.
Hey Veg, you got some cool new digs now! Great look!
ReplyDeleteI am with you on remaking classic movies and dropping in insipid, no talent actresses like Lohan to fill the bill. Maybe we should re-shoot "The Godfather" too while we are at it. Adam Sandler could play Al Pacino's part and Sly Stallone could reprise Marlon Brando's role.
Dude, what a nasty scenario that would be! I'm shuddering right now. It's just the fact that most remakes are hideously disappointing and have been altered to feature insipid pretty teens in tank tops and no acting skills. It's so sad. SO SAD.
ReplyDeleteAdam Sandler indeed.
WTH? I post my comment prior to reading your post? It was so confusing. I got to the end, clicked to post comment and then WHAMMO found out I would have posted comment on wrong post. You would have mocked me. Well, you're going to mock me anyway because I don't know who Michael Bay is? Sadly, I do know who Lindsay Lohan is....
ReplyDeleteOkay, comment on remake - has hollywood gone mad? Didn't they learn with the remake of The Shining?
Let some classics stay classics....
Comment on the new blog look - loving it.
I'm pretty sure Lindsay IS the Devil's baby.
ReplyDeleteHoly moly, you are hilarious. The only thing Lohan has in common with Mia Farrow is her acting career has been "MIA" since The Parent Trap. And that was a probably one of the shittiest remakes of a movie that really shouldn't have been remade in the first place.
ReplyDeleteYep, that sounds like a class act remake - maybe it'll even be in 3D!! Yes, Lilo in 3D, while there are lots of explosions (for no reason) giving birth to baby Satan. Who wouldn't want to see that? This is why I want to work in Hollywood so I can make money on making bad remakes of movies while I LOLZ it to the bank.
ReplyDeleteI love your new layout! It's so simple and clean. Like the iPod of blog layouts.
ReplyDeleteAs for remakes, they get made because Hollywood, like any other business, is about covering your ass. And when a remake fails, they at least have reams of evidence that it shouldn't have. When a new idea fails, it just fails.
That said, this one sounds cartoonishly bad. Like it was an Onion story.
Little Ms. B: Me? Mock you? Surely not! :) Mocca you maybe. Mmmmm chocolate products. And Hollywood remade The Shining? For real? WHY?
ReplyDeleteCora: Good point miss. Have you SEEN her father? Holy shit...
Mrs. Beer: You have possibly the best name ever anywhere! And on top of that I agree with everything you said. Well, apart from that first part, because I'm a modest, humble person. Yep.
Pook: I can't imagine who wouldn't want to see that? Maybe a SANE person? :) Not that I know much about those.
Words: Haha the iPod of blog layouts. Fabulous. It needs to be updated less though, I feel.
As for the Hollywood stuff, BAH TO THAT. Take some risks movie industry. Dude, you're in the industry, go tell them I said to stop remaking shit. I'm sure they'll listen.
Veg Ass sad to say it's true. They remade the Shining but as a t.v. movie, several night event with Steven Weber and Rebecca De Mornay -- why would anyone mess with Jack?
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I thought the TV remake of The Shining was better than the movie. I'm a huge fan of Kubrick, but that is my least favorite of his movies.
ReplyDeleteI have not seen the remake. Obviously, since I'd never even heard of it. It seems a bizarre thing to do to such a well known movie. But I sort of want to see it now out of morbid curiosity. Better? Now I'm really intrigued.
ReplyDeleteLohan bought two of my poison rings years ago. But they're way too small to carry the amount of "stuff" she needs, so I don't worry about it. She needs, like, a minivan to haul her stash.
ReplyDeleteThe 1970s wow, that's like when Jesus was born. You should of picked vanishing point, now there's a good film.
ReplyDeleteLooks awesome. You need a button. I had to make one for you for my site until you get one. :)
ReplyDelete