Thursday, July 25, 2013
Today work was out to kill me. It often is on Thursdays. It's some cosmic law made by some colossal knobhead.
I don't know why Thursdays particularly, but they are always busy, stressful, tiring and leave you muttering to yourself on the bus afterwards and rolling your eyes like someone who's got a weekend pass from an asylum. Obviously by "you" I'm being loose here. I mean ME. By lunchtime on Thursdays I'm usually cursing inside my head and wondering if I have a wine strong enough to cancel it all when I finally make it home.
To make matters worse, THIS Thursday - today - it was raining heavily enough to sail to work. That might be a touch dramatic but you get the picture. RAIN. And warm too. Too warm to wear a coat. I had no normal formal work type of umbrella but managed to find an old transparent plastic thing - the kind that comes right down over your face like a giant plastic tent-bubble. It was emblazoned with the words I "HEART" LONDON on front. It might have well have announced "I am a tremendous douchebowl". I have no idea where this monstrosity came from. I have no feelings about London either way. Mostly I want it to shut the hell up and send me its weather.
I had two choices - lose my dryness or lose my dignity. Thankfully dryness won out because, plastic tackbrella in hand, I got outside to find that some plebian fuckwad had moved the entire bus shelter, leaving only a pathetic pole in its place with a bus stop sign nailed on. What the actual feck? WHO MOVES THE BUS SHELTER ON THE RAINIEST DAY OF THE YEAR?
Who moves a bus shelter at all?
So I stood there in the pouring rain, in my damp work pants and little cardigan and big fuck-off, "I AM NOT ON TOP OF MATTERS", umbrella straight from 1979, and said a bad, bad word. Then I planned to immediately eat some cake upon arrival at work and felt better.
The end.
Not really. What I'm saying here is Thursday is a huge asshole and I am not friends with it. Hope your Thursdays were/are better? I'm off now to maybe open that wine...
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Hot and Royal
Wednesday, July 24th, 2013 - Alive And Kicking
There are times when you are actually blindsided by things you didn't expect. Like getting all enthused and excited about recommencing blogging with gusto; with boring everyone senseless with stupid swear words and thoughts no one cared about to begin with; with your latest works of art or embarrassing stories - only to find out that your fingers have no idea what to do to make the words come out, the second you sit down at the keyboard. And you ask yourself, "Jesus eff Christ, Veg, has it really been that long, you cretin?" And the answer is always "Yes. Yes it has."
But here I am typing nonsense anyway, and I have no idea what, because I have no plan I'm just seeing what happens when I make my fingers dance. So you know, be prepared for some yawning.
Did you know we've had a heatwave for the past three weeks? Because we have! Seriously, don't pass out cold. No rain till yesterday and even then I was chill about it. "You go ahead and rain, dude." Today the nice weather is back. It's like a beautiful dream.
Of course a heatwave here really means "Meh, it's a lot nicer than usual". The hottest day we had was about 29 degrees (about 85 degrees F) so you can see, this is just a normal warm day anywhere else on Earth. For us, however, it's a goddamn, world-melting, lavafest where everyone sweats and complains a lot about the sweating, the lack of air conditioning, the store being out of ice pops, how your butt cheeks feel slippery (really) and all the news can talk about is HOW HOT IT IS. Because even though we've cursed the rain every single day for a year, we don't really know what to complain about without it.
Except, then the royals had the audacity to interrupt this good cheer by birthing a future king to steal attention away from our heatwave. Me, me, me, thanks a lot royals. I'm not sure I care about royal stuff but hell, good luck to them and their new royal child, who I don't mean to be mean but, I hope looks like his mom. It's just that in the boy side of that family they seem to give birth to adorably blonde, tousled, cute little imps, who age into frightening gargoyles with no hair.
In further proof of just how darn awesome I am, in a work poll this week I correctly forecast two of his names and my colleague nailed the third. We rule!
I was still hoping for "Joffrey" though...
There are times when you are actually blindsided by things you didn't expect. Like getting all enthused and excited about recommencing blogging with gusto; with boring everyone senseless with stupid swear words and thoughts no one cared about to begin with; with your latest works of art or embarrassing stories - only to find out that your fingers have no idea what to do to make the words come out, the second you sit down at the keyboard. And you ask yourself, "Jesus eff Christ, Veg, has it really been that long, you cretin?" And the answer is always "Yes. Yes it has."
But here I am typing nonsense anyway, and I have no idea what, because I have no plan I'm just seeing what happens when I make my fingers dance. So you know, be prepared for some yawning.
Did you know we've had a heatwave for the past three weeks? Because we have! Seriously, don't pass out cold. No rain till yesterday and even then I was chill about it. "You go ahead and rain, dude." Today the nice weather is back. It's like a beautiful dream.
Of course a heatwave here really means "Meh, it's a lot nicer than usual". The hottest day we had was about 29 degrees (about 85 degrees F) so you can see, this is just a normal warm day anywhere else on Earth. For us, however, it's a goddamn, world-melting, lavafest where everyone sweats and complains a lot about the sweating, the lack of air conditioning, the store being out of ice pops, how your butt cheeks feel slippery (really) and all the news can talk about is HOW HOT IT IS. Because even though we've cursed the rain every single day for a year, we don't really know what to complain about without it.
Except, then the royals had the audacity to interrupt this good cheer by birthing a future king to steal attention away from our heatwave. Me, me, me, thanks a lot royals. I'm not sure I care about royal stuff but hell, good luck to them and their new royal child, who I don't mean to be mean but, I hope looks like his mom. It's just that in the boy side of that family they seem to give birth to adorably blonde, tousled, cute little imps, who age into frightening gargoyles with no hair.
In further proof of just how darn awesome I am, in a work poll this week I correctly forecast two of his names and my colleague nailed the third. We rule!
I was still hoping for "Joffrey" though...
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Yup
I have eyestrain so badly at the moment I look like I am constantly smelling the inside of a sumo wrestler's butt gear. Diaper. G-towel. Whatever that thing is called that doesn't hide any of their ass quiver at all . I've been doing these reports that take all of my time and have me squinting at scientific data in tiny wee type on a spreadsheet all day long and my peepers have decided enough is enough. Combined with the super early start and the fact I am ridiculous at getting to bed anywhere close to early, weekdays are just a blur of puffy eyes and frowning till I can get home to my little warm place, eat some cheese and not say another word till next morning. My eyes look like Daryl in "The Walking Dead".
Well, not like him per se, that would be weird. But like his eyes.
Daryl is kind of dirty hot isn't he? Ladies? No? Suit your damn selves.
I'm also enjoying the fact it's almost April and has snowed the last few days, blowing an icy, bitter hell wind right in my poor defenceless face (We spell it with a "c" you can get over it), which is just what you want when you've just tumbled out of your warm, multi-blanketed bed into some sort of frigid city wasteland at 5:50am. This paragraph was sarcastic. In case you were fooled. I don't enjoy it one tiny iota and neither should you.
Changing the subject entirely, my phone has the loudest text notification I've ever heard. It just went off unexpectedly making me throw peanuts in my cleavage accidentally and I wouldn't be surprised if I stamped the inside of my pants with an umber raspberry, I got such a fright.
You're welcome.
Tell me about you.
Well, not like him per se, that would be weird. But like his eyes.
Daryl is kind of dirty hot isn't he? Ladies? No? Suit your damn selves.
I'm also enjoying the fact it's almost April and has snowed the last few days, blowing an icy, bitter hell wind right in my poor defenceless face (We spell it with a "c" you can get over it), which is just what you want when you've just tumbled out of your warm, multi-blanketed bed into some sort of frigid city wasteland at 5:50am. This paragraph was sarcastic. In case you were fooled. I don't enjoy it one tiny iota and neither should you.
Changing the subject entirely, my phone has the loudest text notification I've ever heard. It just went off unexpectedly making me throw peanuts in my cleavage accidentally and I wouldn't be surprised if I stamped the inside of my pants with an umber raspberry, I got such a fright.
You're welcome.
Tell me about you.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Then There's This...
Wednesday, January 17th 2013
Awwww yes! The sun is shining and turns out there IS a world out there.
I hope you are all well? I'm not at work today, but I AM hard at work, procrastinating. Not just anyone can procrastinate at my lordly levels, I'll have you know. It takes practice. Routine. Coffee fueled marathons of staring blankly at things, while hoping they take care of themselves. They don't. Yet still I live in hope.
I have developed a tickly cough. I am not sick in any way (except maybe the part of my brain that weaves elaborate tales and talks to animals) I just have this cough. And also, my hair is too long again. And I haven't touched it with a brush today. And I have bags under my eyes. And there's a rumour I might still be wearing pajamas. And starting lots of sentences with "and".
But there are good things!
1) I have commenced on the second draft of my NaNoWriMo 2012 project, after a month of not going near the thing and a complete rewrite is underway as well as some big changes. Obviously this is good for ME, not necessarily YOU. Sorry to be misleading.
2) Also it's actually almost light when I get to work in the morning now, after a "30 Days of Night" scenario (thankfully minus any rabid Danny Huston vampire types!) where I barely saw daylight at all for a month or so.
3) Dogimo has a new Stranger Lido episode up and well...I just fucking love The Stranger Lido to death, so you should go read that and the nine earlier episodes too and see if you don't just fall in love with TSL too. I might just be weird. You decide. (don't) I also have Boz Scaggs' "Lido Shuffle" stuck in my head now, so eff YOU, guy.
4) Greek yogurt with honey, how come that isn't the elixir that heals the world? I think I may have discovered this fact, get right on that, Middle Eastern leaders and reality show divas.
5) I added three of my latest paintings to the sidebar. Some of you have already seen them, most of you have not. Almost all of you don't give a shit. Ha! Yes, two of them are Airstreams, AND???
Okay, on reflection that's not a LOT of good things, but it's a start. I mean it's only January, for crying out loud. And I apologize for all the profanity but well. I don't really care either. I'm foul mouthed, I deal with it.
Awwww yes! The sun is shining and turns out there IS a world out there.
I hope you are all well? I'm not at work today, but I AM hard at work, procrastinating. Not just anyone can procrastinate at my lordly levels, I'll have you know. It takes practice. Routine. Coffee fueled marathons of staring blankly at things, while hoping they take care of themselves. They don't. Yet still I live in hope.
I have developed a tickly cough. I am not sick in any way (except maybe the part of my brain that weaves elaborate tales and talks to animals) I just have this cough. And also, my hair is too long again. And I haven't touched it with a brush today. And I have bags under my eyes. And there's a rumour I might still be wearing pajamas. And starting lots of sentences with "and".
But there are good things!
1) I have commenced on the second draft of my NaNoWriMo 2012 project, after a month of not going near the thing and a complete rewrite is underway as well as some big changes. Obviously this is good for ME, not necessarily YOU. Sorry to be misleading.
2) Also it's actually almost light when I get to work in the morning now, after a "30 Days of Night" scenario (thankfully minus any rabid Danny Huston vampire types!) where I barely saw daylight at all for a month or so.
3) Dogimo has a new Stranger Lido episode up and well...I just fucking love The Stranger Lido to death, so you should go read that and the nine earlier episodes too and see if you don't just fall in love with TSL too. I might just be weird. You decide. (don't) I also have Boz Scaggs' "Lido Shuffle" stuck in my head now, so eff YOU, guy.
4) Greek yogurt with honey, how come that isn't the elixir that heals the world? I think I may have discovered this fact, get right on that, Middle Eastern leaders and reality show divas.
5) I added three of my latest paintings to the sidebar. Some of you have already seen them, most of you have not. Almost all of you don't give a shit. Ha! Yes, two of them are Airstreams, AND???
Okay, on reflection that's not a LOT of good things, but it's a start. I mean it's only January, for crying out loud. And I apologize for all the profanity but well. I don't really care either. I'm foul mouthed, I deal with it.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Interlopers
Monday, January 14th, 2013
Well helloooooooooooo.
Did I scare you? Because I hope so! Happy new year. What's that? Yes, I'm still here, lurking furtively and sometimes wearing pants. I hope you are all well during my hiatus, I'd hate to think you were floundering in the murky depths of psychosis or something.
Me? Why thanks for asking. I'm fine. Enjoying a glass of wine even though it's rose and I'm generally a red wine girl after years of denouncing wine as a "poncey" drink because I clearly only ever drank wines that were appreciated by the types of people who live under bridges. My sister has introduced me to some wines that actually do NOT double as paint stripper and my palate has been redefined into something more classy. Still, I got the rose from a colleague at work for some stuff I was helping out with, because some people are just that nice and it would be rude not to try it. And it's pretty tasty!
Other than the wine, I'm okay. Still poor, still "enjoying" the rain (does anyone enjoy rain, I'd like to meet that rare animal), still full of intent to be less lazy and write more. Still talking to myself, but who doesn't? You should be so well adjusted! Still cursing at having to get up at six am and go out in the dark and cold to earn money. Which totally makes me sound like a prostitute (I'm not).
What are you all up to, assuming any of you are still there? Because whether you're there or not, I'm rejoining my effort to write an essay on every state in the USA, you have been warned.
Also, unsettling news, I may have reconsidered my opinion that the Oxford Comma is an evil grammar interloper and, instead, accepted it into my bosom. I hate myself a little bit. But it makes so much sense. I will tell you this, however. I will never, intentionally, put ONE space after a period. (edit: I now do this too. I am ashamed)
Well helloooooooooooo.
Did I scare you? Because I hope so! Happy new year. What's that? Yes, I'm still here, lurking furtively and sometimes wearing pants. I hope you are all well during my hiatus, I'd hate to think you were floundering in the murky depths of psychosis or something.
Me? Why thanks for asking. I'm fine. Enjoying a glass of wine even though it's rose and I'm generally a red wine girl after years of denouncing wine as a "poncey" drink because I clearly only ever drank wines that were appreciated by the types of people who live under bridges. My sister has introduced me to some wines that actually do NOT double as paint stripper and my palate has been redefined into something more classy. Still, I got the rose from a colleague at work for some stuff I was helping out with, because some people are just that nice and it would be rude not to try it. And it's pretty tasty!
Other than the wine, I'm okay. Still poor, still "enjoying" the rain (does anyone enjoy rain, I'd like to meet that rare animal), still full of intent to be less lazy and write more. Still talking to myself, but who doesn't? You should be so well adjusted! Still cursing at having to get up at six am and go out in the dark and cold to earn money. Which totally makes me sound like a prostitute (I'm not).
What are you all up to, assuming any of you are still there? Because whether you're there or not, I'm rejoining my effort to write an essay on every state in the USA, you have been warned.
Also, unsettling news, I may have reconsidered my opinion that the Oxford Comma is an evil grammar interloper and, instead, accepted it into my bosom. I hate myself a little bit. But it makes so much sense. I will tell you this, however. I will never, intentionally, put ONE space after a period. (edit: I now do this too. I am ashamed)
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Office Demons
Tuesday, April 11th, 2012 - I have ranted about nothing, again.
Well I'm recovered from the pestilence of doom and even the demon cough has dissipated enough for me to not splutter every time I talk so I'm thinking that's a win for me! Please don't argue. It does not become you.
Today I'm decidedly mellow despite elements of the universe conspiring to make me feel otherwise, such as the security guard at work, who I fantasize about garrotting (usually when he's standing two feet in front of me yakking for fifteen days straight about some mundane information regarding his insurance company or the vibrations from the clutch pedal of his car - both true stories). The fact he can manage a clutch is a little difficult for me to wrap my mind around since he had a problem one day twisting the lid off a coffee can which turned out to be the pry off kind, favoured by half wits who twist for ten minutes and wonder why nothing is happening.
Also, it was Nescafe. Bleuuuuuuuuurgh.
Anyway, I've never met a person so full of monotony as this guy. And I've met ME! And I've sat through a movie where two French dudes talk about a violin for two hours, so I know boredom. I can feel my eyes glaze the second he opens his mouth and I desperately wish there was something sharp nearby to stab myself in the ears with, to make it stop.
Today, as I was entering numbers into a database and cursing quietly to myself like a crotchety old geezer with Tourette's, I had to listen to mainstream top 40 radio. Is it called top 40 radio these days? I have no idea. Nor do I care. The kids probably call it Mega Dance Supah Fresh Tunes or something equally ridiculous and hideous now. Anyway, it's non-stop, all day, auto tuned nightmares of songs that all sound exactly the same, where a robot is clearly torturing a small animal. On rotation. All. Day. It was making me quite furious because really, who listens to that shit of their own accord other than brain dead morons with fake tans and big hair (and that's just the dudes). No one else seems to mind it. Me, I scowl a lot and envision myself walking calmly up to it and smashing the shit out of it with a sledgehammer, before smoothing down my hair and calmly returning to my desk. It annoys me that in an office environment people force their taste on you just in the name of a little office atmosphere. It's unnecessary and offensive to my ears, which have better taste than to listen to fucking Rhianna all day. If I wanted to hear unpleasant sounds that make my toes curl, I'd stick pins in the security guy for five hours and listen to him squeal.
There, I've said my piece.
Gosh I'm cross.
Then I came home and had a lamb style veggie burger and all was suddenly right in my tiny, one room world. Except those burgers made me produce a noise from my bottom that sounded a lot like Alan Rickman whining. Sort of haughty and nasal.
You're welcome.
Well I'm recovered from the pestilence of doom and even the demon cough has dissipated enough for me to not splutter every time I talk so I'm thinking that's a win for me! Please don't argue. It does not become you.
Today I'm decidedly mellow despite elements of the universe conspiring to make me feel otherwise, such as the security guard at work, who I fantasize about garrotting (usually when he's standing two feet in front of me yakking for fifteen days straight about some mundane information regarding his insurance company or the vibrations from the clutch pedal of his car - both true stories). The fact he can manage a clutch is a little difficult for me to wrap my mind around since he had a problem one day twisting the lid off a coffee can which turned out to be the pry off kind, favoured by half wits who twist for ten minutes and wonder why nothing is happening.
Also, it was Nescafe. Bleuuuuuuuuurgh.
Anyway, I've never met a person so full of monotony as this guy. And I've met ME! And I've sat through a movie where two French dudes talk about a violin for two hours, so I know boredom. I can feel my eyes glaze the second he opens his mouth and I desperately wish there was something sharp nearby to stab myself in the ears with, to make it stop.
Today, as I was entering numbers into a database and cursing quietly to myself like a crotchety old geezer with Tourette's, I had to listen to mainstream top 40 radio. Is it called top 40 radio these days? I have no idea. Nor do I care. The kids probably call it Mega Dance Supah Fresh Tunes or something equally ridiculous and hideous now. Anyway, it's non-stop, all day, auto tuned nightmares of songs that all sound exactly the same, where a robot is clearly torturing a small animal. On rotation. All. Day. It was making me quite furious because really, who listens to that shit of their own accord other than brain dead morons with fake tans and big hair (and that's just the dudes). No one else seems to mind it. Me, I scowl a lot and envision myself walking calmly up to it and smashing the shit out of it with a sledgehammer, before smoothing down my hair and calmly returning to my desk. It annoys me that in an office environment people force their taste on you just in the name of a little office atmosphere. It's unnecessary and offensive to my ears, which have better taste than to listen to fucking Rhianna all day. If I wanted to hear unpleasant sounds that make my toes curl, I'd stick pins in the security guy for five hours and listen to him squeal.
There, I've said my piece.
Gosh I'm cross.
Then I came home and had a lamb style veggie burger and all was suddenly right in my tiny, one room world. Except those burgers made me produce a noise from my bottom that sounded a lot like Alan Rickman whining. Sort of haughty and nasal.
You're welcome.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Neither Influenza nor Sunshine Can Kill Me
Monday, April 2nd, 2012, I am the fool
Unimportant stuff has happened you guys. Spring has been here for a short visit (nine days, woo!!!) and brought with it nice warm, sunny 20 degree C. temperatures that make you think of lovely, pleasant, non me-like things, like ducks and daffodils, bare legs and frozen summer drinks on the balcony. Ah yes. Optimism, I remember that thing.
Naturally, today, day ten, it's raining and grey. Hello. It was nice though, while it lasted. I let the sunlight near my delicate translucent lady skin, I didn't melt (or sparkle) and it was good. Sniff.
As well as enjoying the fake spring, as some of you know, I have had the flu. Actually the flu came first and stayed longer than the goddamn spring snap. And was a whole lot less pleasant with full days of sleep, incoherence, not eating, barely breathing and rasping like I swallowed a car engine from 1945. That lasted a full two weeks in all and reminded me why I'm happy I'm never sick (hardly) and why I like to be on my own and comatose when I am. Bliss. Sleep like an idiot for days then wake up feeling better. It works. The first day I ventured out after the pestilence, I squinted at the sky, groaned a lot and was exhausted in five minutes (probably from all the groaning).
This week I'm almost back to fighting fit and have some chocolate and so, I conclude, I will live.
Well this was an interesting return. Naturally, I have no idea what you reprobates have been up to...
Unimportant stuff has happened you guys. Spring has been here for a short visit (nine days, woo!!!) and brought with it nice warm, sunny 20 degree C. temperatures that make you think of lovely, pleasant, non me-like things, like ducks and daffodils, bare legs and frozen summer drinks on the balcony. Ah yes. Optimism, I remember that thing.
Naturally, today, day ten, it's raining and grey. Hello. It was nice though, while it lasted. I let the sunlight near my delicate translucent lady skin, I didn't melt (or sparkle) and it was good. Sniff.
As well as enjoying the fake spring, as some of you know, I have had the flu. Actually the flu came first and stayed longer than the goddamn spring snap. And was a whole lot less pleasant with full days of sleep, incoherence, not eating, barely breathing and rasping like I swallowed a car engine from 1945. That lasted a full two weeks in all and reminded me why I'm happy I'm never sick (hardly) and why I like to be on my own and comatose when I am. Bliss. Sleep like an idiot for days then wake up feeling better. It works. The first day I ventured out after the pestilence, I squinted at the sky, groaned a lot and was exhausted in five minutes (probably from all the groaning).
This week I'm almost back to fighting fit and have some chocolate and so, I conclude, I will live.
Well this was an interesting return. Naturally, I have no idea what you reprobates have been up to...
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