Tuesday, November 1st, 2011 - Las Dias de los Muertos, cerveza por favor!
I've come to realize that the main holidays I like tend to be the evil ones like Halloween or Day of the Dead, where you have a valid excuse to drink liquor like it's going out of style and scare the everloving crap out of little kids without seeming like a mean, crotchety, old sourpuss. But I ask you this. When else can you chase an eight year old crybaby in a pink tutu off your lawn, while swathed in black robes, wielding a scythe and hissing, "I am coming for your soul, girl child!" and not have an angry mob with burning torches on your doorstep, demanding you "step outside"? Huh?
Not that I did that of course. Not lately anyway.
In a public service announcement may I suggest to you that people don't like on Halloween when you have no candy and offer them pickled onions instead.
So I carved me a couple of pumpkins for Halloween, as I was having some people who are related to me round for dinner and I thought evil, glowing demon-faces would make great table decor. Am I the only one who finds pumpkin lanterns soothing? No? Yes? I love them. And okay, maybe it's a LITTLE sad that I spent my Saturday night sitting on my floor carving pumpkins, watching "X-Factor" and drinking wine all on my own, but you know what? Go ahead and sue me. I had a stinking good time.
I did carve a second pumpkin but he went hideously, horribly wrong in an atrocity of Kardashian proportions and ended up looking more mentally challenged than actually scary so sorry...no photos of him. I want you people to sleep tonight.
Also, people keep suggesting (okay, two people, shut up) I should think about participating in Na No Wri Mo, however, I've successfully avoided it for years now and don't see any sign of me changing this year. I mean why would you want to write a novel in a month? What kind of novel would that even BE? Surely novels deserve quality? Editing? Rewrites and reworkings and scene changes and character development and...I don't know...a modicum of SENSE? Can you do that in a month? I don't know. I have problems doing that in a two minute blog entry. Can you imagine 50,000 words of the nonsense in this blog? Because if I did Na No Wri Mo, guess what? That's what you'd get.
Good luck though, if you're attempting it. Me, I'll just continue spewing out sporadic nonsense like someone with Tourette's.
In other news, I require some good smells. Someone recommend me some.
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
Not surprising.
ReplyDeleteWitches love Halloween.
Well, all that love sure wore off fast, Eddie boy. I am...devastated.
ReplyDeleteDamn... why didn't I think of the pickled onions and Grim Reaper combo to scare off candy-seeking brats? To be fair they don't come round here much.... not after that time I dished out healthy apples instead of chocs! Or maybe it's because I can't be arsed to carve out a pumpkin and stick it glowing on the doorstep... thereby serving notice that you're contributing to the dental profession's collective wealth.
ReplyDeleteBah humbug! Oh no.. that's Christmas...
Awesome pumpkin. I worked on Halloween night. Good times.
ReplyDeleteYeah c'mon! Halloween is about fear and eating and drinking and horror movies and adult things. Or I could have made that rule up. Either way, I'm abiding by it. :)
ReplyDeleteAmanda: Well, that blows! Unless your work involved tips of a giant variety then maybe....but....no. :)
ReplyDeleteEven I got a little tired of the munchkins "trick or treating." I don't mind the little ones so much, but once they reach the age of twelve, I say get a job and buy your own candy!
ReplyDeleteEva: Ha, yes, do you ever get stray 16 year olds showing up just because they want candy? Please. NO CANDY FOR YOU! Go get some vodka like other 16 year olds and hang out under the underpass. (don't really!)
ReplyDelete"...hang out under the underpass..." Uh, not finished with that bottle of wine yet? Wouldn't that be overpass or flyover? Come to think of it you should write a novel. It would be great fun poking holes in it.
ReplyDeletesmell - nutmeg?
People keep suggesting I do NaNoWriMo too. Sorry people. It took me five years to write my first novel. I plan on slimming that down for the next one, maybe six months to a year, but a month? Nope. Not gonna happen. It would be sucktacular.
ReplyDeleteI love halloween and glowing pumpkins...though I was broke and bahumbuggery this year. Next year I'm breaking out the dremel and carving six!
Gasp! I love the Jack Skellington pumpkin! He's fantastic. I had 76 trick-or-treaters and had to turn the light off when I ran out of candy. Some of them were very big kids, but they were all friendly and polite and cheerful and wearing costumes. Only one guy showed up without a costume. He said he was getting candy for his niece because she peed her pants and had to go home. I have him an extra-big handful for that story. Creativity should be rewarded!
ReplyDeleteAnd if it makes you feel better, I've been spending my evenings watching old X-files reruns on Netflix, drinking peppermint tea and painting plastic nerf guns. So...your night? Pretty much sounds like a wild party to me.
We had no trick or treaters round here. Bit lame really.
ReplyDeleteBut Jack sure looks good!
*stuffs more chocolate in mouth*
I forgot. It's NoMoBlo time of the year. Thank you for making the decision to abstain. I am forever grateful.
ReplyDeleteLisle: Well now you're just hurting my head. It just exploded with all those thoughts. Over, under, fucked if I know. We called them "underpasses" growing up. Those tunnelly things that make a path go under a road. So you're under the road. UNDER pass? No? I'm right. Don't even TRY to argue.
ReplyDeleteCharlie: See there's my point. You spent all that time on your new book and you wrote and rewrote and fixed and changed and documented it on your blog and well...you can't do that justice in a month, I don't care who you are. I've almost a mind to do it just to prove my point. :)
Steph: Dude. Really? Can I come round. I can be in NS in like...hours! X-Files and if I can drink coffee instead of tea I'll be happy. Really. Even Horton's. Seriously. Also, Jack thanks you.
Roses: I haven't had chocolate in ages. I love chocolate but I never think to actually buy it. Now I want it and it's your fault. I hope you feel suitably guilty, lady! :)
Ron: You're welcome. Seriously. I'm not sure on the "blo" part though. I'm sure there are many male folks out there who just perked up at that part...
OK, just to be clear. Nanowrimo isn't about writing a publishing-ready novel in 30 days. It's about writing a complete story arc, beginning to end, in a minimum of 50,000 words. And it's a First Draft. And it'll be crap, because First Drafts Are Shit.
ReplyDeleteProse quality is not a consideration; the idea is that you just WRITE. You don't edit, you don't go back and change anything, because such behaviours can bring the creative process to a standstill. And everyone has a couple of novels that got to chapter five and not beyond, because of that behaviour.
Nanowrimo doesn't let the perfect get in way of the good. Or even let the good get in the way of word count.
In Nanowrimo, you just WRITE. 50,000 words. Beginning, middle, end. The whole thing. And if you decide in chapter 3 that John's name needs to be Dave, you write "***John is now Dave; change in rewrite***" and carry on writing.
And on December 1st you put it away and don't look at it for at least a month. And then, when enough time has passed, you take it out and read it over and decide what works and what doesn't, and begin the process of revision.
Don't be scared of Nanowrimo. It's a fantastic kick in the arse, and very liberating to write without worrying about the quality of every word, phrase, clause. The sheer number of words written means that at least some of them won't actively suck, after all.
Stop it, W. Stop making SENSE. I like my fantasy bubble of ridiculousness. Hmmm. I could EASILY write 50,000 words in a month. Easily. I am very verbose if I try to be. But do I want to? I don't know. I have the attention span of plankton these days. Are you doing it?
ReplyDeletei'm sticking with marijuana in my comments and recommending it as a good smell as well.
ReplyDeleteYeah you've got it on the brain, Miss P. Hey each to their own method, I say. Me, I like wine. You prefer miss Mary Jo. I don't smoke it myself but hell I don't see the point in making it illegal when a person can get effed up on whisky any time they want. So yeah. Legalize that stuff!
ReplyDeleteBest smell in the world? Warm wet dog. And I don't care what anyone says....
ReplyDeleteGreat pumpkin btw.
Isn't it weird though, how all wet dogs smell the same? There's just a generic 'wet dog' smell. It's recognizable anywhere. Are you missing the wet dog smell, dude? :(
ReplyDeleteLimes, lots of them cut up, preferably in tequila is a pretty awesome smell.
ReplyDeleteNow you KNOW I'm not going to argue with THAT, Miz Tumbleweed....
ReplyDeleteI have often thought that clean dry dogs' paws smell like peanut butter. It's not a tumour. It's not a tumour at all.
ReplyDeleteLove your pumpkin. And that is totally a euphemism.
Sarah xxx
You raunchy Australians! And I have TWO euphemistic pumpkins! :)
ReplyDeleteSitting by myself carving a pumpkin and drinking wine sounds fabulous. I'm envious.
ReplyDeleteSalti: Well you could've joined me, lady. It was just me, wine, pumpkins, bad music and mellowness ensued. Still, you'd have to have made a bit of a trip...
ReplyDeleteI say every holiday falls under the "...valid excuse to drink liquor like it's going out of style". There's eggnog with bourbon on Christmas, Margaritas for Cinco Day Mayo, Vodka Valentine's day, Jose Cuervo Columbus Day, Absinthe Arbor Day, Flaming Sambuca Flag Day, Wine Wednesdays. I could go on and on.
ReplyDeleteI so admire your dedication to the cause, C., but uh...I have a feeling - and call my cynical here - that you made some of those up. :) And God bless you for it. If I believed in God. It's complicated.
ReplyDeleteSome smells for your consideration: The Macallan single malt whisky, gasoline, a good cigar, baking bread, your own farts, Subway (when you're hungry), sex.
ReplyDeleteNot sure you'll be able to find any Febreeze in those scents, but they always bring a smile to my face.
Thanks (I think!). I have to tell you right now, I LOVE the smell of gasoline. OMG heaven. Gasoline and Kiwi Shoe Polish in those puck shaped tins. LOVE!
ReplyDeleteCan I substitute the whisky for tequila? I know it goes against my Scottishness but still. Tequila.
Nice carving work there. For smells... vanilla or fresh baked cake?
ReplyDeleteI like Halloween too now, at a party in Austin on Saturday there was too much drinking and I met a Helen Hunt look-a-like. (Not in that order lest you doubt the trueness of my sculpural eye)
Helen is attractive, I don't care what you guys say.
You can get in a costume and scare kids on Christmas too. It's what that Santa Claus character does.
ReplyDeleteWell you saucy devil, Tex! Is it wrong that I now require GOSSIP about "Helen"? :) As for vanilla and fresh baked cake, thanks for that because I am now STARVING and I want cake. Nothing new there I suppose...
ReplyDeleteRahul: I'm behind any holiday that allows you to scare little humans senseless, so naturally, I drink to YOU, my friend!
ReplyDeleteFor fun, try trick-or-treating on Nov 1 and see if people are as friendly at the doors.
ReplyDeleteYou could always nablopomo instead. I meant to make sept my nanowrimo. But it turns out I was too fat to write. True story. Maybe I'll try again in Jan. Kids are self sufficient at 3 mos, right?
ReplyDeleteTrick or treating is particularly effective when you do it at midnight. In someone's bedroom. In June.
ReplyDeleteThey're never expecting it.
Also, fresh toasted wet dog?
ReplyDeleteYou just keep writing your nonsense on this blog and leave the real writing to us amateurs. :)
ReplyDeletePersonnally, I always spend Saturday night carving pumpkins, watching X-Rated and drinking wine all on my own.
ReplyDeleteWait, what?
Jack is awesome. Girl, you can rock a butcher knife. :)
I'm not all that fond of kids anymore, but I do enjoy halloween. that pumpkin is what we call a charlie brown... as in the tree.
ReplyDeleteHope you are doing well!