Well, I am certainly not doing well with this supposed "Seven Things" meme. So far I've written about one thing and then I totally ran out of things! Things eluded me, people. Until today.
Today I'm writing about Thing Number Two, "Astrophysics and the Process of Nucleosynthesis".
Ha, right. Look out your window. Do you see a flying pig? Well then. In that case I'm writing about "Why Ukuleles Are Cool".
So without further ado:
WHY UKULELES ARE COOL
Ukuleles are cool because they are hideously uncool. You don't see dudes dressed head to toe in leather, hair in eyes, smoldering at you over a cigarette, carrying a little, wee, fey mini-guitar now do you? No. That's because those dudes don't know a damn thing about cool. Sure, your old school cool might involve leather and lung cancer and looking like Ethan Hawke if he hadn't bathed in a month, but the new cool? Ukuleles my friends. Ukuleles are cool.
I'll tell you why. A uke is like a tiny guitar. It makes tiny guitar noises. Like taking a guitar, shrinking it (kind of like you used to do with chip packets and an oven), then forcing it to make cute noises. Plunk plunk plunkety plunk. That kind of thing.
Also, they come in all sorts of fun shapes and colours and sizes. Some are shaped like pineapples! How cool is that? If you said "really fucking cool, Veg" you'd be correct.
Others are shaped like mini Les Paul guitars or tiny Fender Strats. But those are for posers with tiny penises. Don't get your ass caught with one of those. I'm kidding, mine's actually the Les Paul shaped one. I'm so ashamed. No, I'm not.
Ask Jude and Elly how cool ukes are. They'll open their arms wide as a goddamn football field. Because they know. You don’t have to wear cable sweaters, mountain-man bushy beards and eat lentils to enjoy the ukulele.
I mean you can if you want…
As if all this wasn't enough evidence of the mondo-coolness of the ukulele, remember they're from Hawaii and anything that reeks of Hawaii is cool by default.
Well, okay, maybe not Dog the Bounty Hunter. I imagine he reeks of ball sweat, old leather and cabbage. I can’t see that tosser with a uke, can you? A NUKE maybe…
But on the other side of the coin there are pineapples, hibiscus flowers, mai tais, surfing, glorious beaches, "Lost" and ukuleles.
Happy Thursday, bra! (That’s like…Hawaiian talk you know. I wasn’t talking to my brassiere. Not this time.)
They do rock hard. They rock my socks.
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy a good pluck.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this edifying post. Long live the Ukubanjo!
Have a nice day, Boonie
"...Dog the Bounty Hunter. I imagine he reeks of ball sweat, old leather and cabbage"
ReplyDeleteI'M DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER?!
Yes, anything that reeks of Hawaii is cool fo' sure!
ReplyDeleteLove the ball sweat comment altough still trying to get that particular image out of my head...
Nice video and good of you to keep it classy... unlike me posting a naughty video of a dog on my blog today. Check it out and please tell me if it was too much.
Mahalo, The Empress
http://rantersbox.blogspot.com
Amanda: And those are some kick ass socks. There's a punny sort of foot thing going on there but I'm still too half asleep to find it.
ReplyDeleteBoonie: Hahaha, oh I say! But yes, long live the ukubanjo.
Moooooog: OH NO! :) Time for your own fragrance maybe?
Empress: Dirty dogs? I think I need that experience. Should I put down my coffee first? Will I even want it afterwards?
Doesn't Ethan Hawke always look like he hasn't bathed in a month?
ReplyDeleteLove that Israel song. It was on the playlist during dinner at our wedding reception.
That was actually quite beautiful! and cool!
ReplyDeleteOh thank you for this!!!! I totally have a ukulele story to tell and I'm going to link to this article. You will see when I write it why you just made me so happy!!! - G
ReplyDeleteUke uke uke uke UKE!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I wonder which one of us is more excited about your epic quest to procure a uke. I think it might be me. I've been plucking away all morning trying to get ready for tomorrow's vid. Woof.
oversized man.
ReplyDeleteundersized guitar.
Is something wrong with this picture?
Have you seen that awesome ukelele vid clip of the adorable little kid sort of singing "I'm Yours" with the itchy nose?
ReplyDeleteNormally, I'd say sticky little kids should be avoided at all costs, but this one seriously cracks me up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErMWX--UJZ4
My original comment disappeared. Sadness. Obviously it's because I had to come back to show you my next husband: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAg5KjnAhuU&feature=related
ReplyDeleteHunter: Yes. Yes he does. "Strung out" is how he looks. Hey, that's an appropriate phrase for a post about ukes!
ReplyDeleteEva: I assume you mean the song, not the stupid post, in which case I completely agree! :)
Georgina: I am already looking forward to it, so if you haven't already done it, DO IT!
Elly: UKE! Yay, a new uke entry? Awesome! As for that guy in the video, disturbing in so many ways, yet admirable at the same time. He does however reek of living in his mom's basement a touch. :) If I have that song in my head all day I will hunt you down young lady.
Mom: Hahahaha! Now you mention it, that is a funny combo. He does play that tiny thing well though for such a huge, sausage fingered man!
Cranki: Oh man. That is ADORABLE and normally I avoid them too. He kicks ass. I giggled all the way through. That kid's a pro.
Ukes are awesome. You can't hear one and not immediately start craving some sort of frozen tropical drink. And, you know me, I like anything that gives me an excuse to drink.
ReplyDeleteAh yes, brother Izy singing Over the rainbow. Sometimes I listen to that when I want the world to get all better. But then the world bitch-slaps me and let's me know it will take more than a cool Uke to make it all good.
ReplyDeleteYou know what else is new cool?
ReplyDeleteBanjos.
For reals.
Becks: Agreed! And drinks with umbrellas and fruit in them are just even more reason to enjoy the uke. I can make anything about cake or booze.
ReplyDeleteSkypop: I actually love the "Rainbow/Wonderful World" medley even more but I couldn't find a decent video for that. Plus this video is so damn nice and emotional and a fitting tribute to the guy.
Miss Y: Hmm. I'm still out on banjos. I'm not at all convinced that they're not on the redneck side of things, although I love plenty bands who use them. I need to make a decision on this, clearly.
I don't mind ukelele's since they are associated with Hawaii and Pineapples like you said, bra.
ReplyDeleteEven though it's so silly looking because of it's size, I'd play a ukelele over that stupid "lute" thing with the leaves around it anyday!
Yeah man, lutes are all Greensleaves and medieval knights and gay dancing. :) Ukes are organic and all about sunshine, surf and drinking too much liquor. Bring it!
ReplyDeleteWhy Veggie is cool: because she not only knows how to spell ukulele, she writes about them.
ReplyDeleteYou're my fav.
Dude, I am just so KICK. ASS.
ReplyDeleteOf course I had to look up how to spell "hemorrhoids" the other day and again right there. I can never spell that damn word. Luckily I don't have hemorroids or I'd be up shit creek.
P.S. I can't spell dia...dio...diarrhea either. (Yes, I looked it up)
Awesome!
ReplyDeleteI hate to be all, I am gonna promote my blog on someone else's site, but did you ever see this post I did? It has an AMAZING uke performance. You'll LOVE it.
http://cinnamonandhoney.blogspot.com/2010/03/mondays-muse-while-my-ukulele-gently.html
very nice, good work by you! Dog the Bounty Hunter smells like ball sweat, old leather, cabbage and hair spray to keep the business end of his mullet in tip-top shape when apprehending criminals.
ReplyDeleteIt's up now! http://www.georginadollface.com/2010/09/firsts-on-fridays-musical-instrument.html
ReplyDeleteYou rock in so many ways! - G
Pro-ukuleles AND cookies? I can't help but follow you now.
ReplyDeleteRobin: You just know I am going to check that sucker out. If it's done right, the ukulele is perfect!
ReplyDeleteEvil. Twin: Well duh, yes. It's hard for one to be taken seriously by the criminal elite if one's mullet isn't up to scratch. I'm talking pristine, tip top condition here. You can't go around apprehending criminals with a modern hair do, nothing but an '80s flashback will do for the credibility stakes. And we all know Dog has THE perfect mullet. And dye job. I always wondered if he goes to the supermarket dressed like that?
Georgina: I am going there NOW!
Betty: I had no idea those two things qualified me so well. But sadly, that is how I roll. :) Hi!
ReplyDeleteHurrah! Delighted you've given in and turned to the dark side, Veg! Have you actually gotten your paws on one yet?
ReplyDelete@Mr C - Dead right, they DO look a little silly. But surely that asks the question as to what kind of guy he is as only a man who is really confident in his manhood and masculinity is happy to play one; they don't need some big cool guitar to prove anything. Whatcha reckon?
Jude: Well like he said, lutes are way sillier. :) No, you were correct about the lure of the uke for sure. As for guys, maybe it's that old chestnut: The smaller your instrument the bigger your uh...feet. Incidentally, you need to do some updating dude. Really. October? WTF?
ReplyDeleteI only got turned on to the uke when I saw the ukele orchestra of Great Briain (I couldn't choose a Youtube link I liked best).
ReplyDeletebut uke + Elvis ...wow!!
Well the question is, Lu, were they HOT?
ReplyDeleteUkuleles are ok. Madonlins...not so much. I have a video of my balding Uncle Bruce playing a mandolin at our Christmas dinner and singing Dead Skunk in the middle of the road.
ReplyDeleteIf that's cool (It's funny. I didn't say it wasn't FUNNY.), I'll...eat something I wouldn't normally eat.
Seacrest OUT!
Ukes are so cool, they should have worked one into "dueling banjos!"
ReplyDeleteThat version of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' is one of my all time favorite songs....
ReplyDeleteThey are cool, you only have to look at the Ukulele orchestra of Great Britain to know that. They embody cool.
ReplyDeleteI know. No excuse either; am a lazy article. I write for this group blog too though, been busier on that: www.antiroom.wordpress.com
ReplyDeleteIts amazing something so lovely sounding can come out of a man so big.
ReplyDeleteA good choice my friendly.
I love how you can even make the oddest of posts great to read.
Love and hate, anyway.
I've heard that Ukeleles are one of the top seven reasons why people like Kate Micucci, it might even be in my personal top three.
ReplyDeleteAlso cool for a similar effect are nylon strung acoustic guitars with just a smidgen of picking palm muting. Or if you want to go all symphonic, maybe pizzacato violin strings?
Yanno? I've never really thought much about the Ukelele.. Harmonicas yes. Maybe even the Triangle. But I think you're right. Ukelele's can be played by everyone! And now I want one.
ReplyDeleteI also can't spell the word Hemmoroids. I don't even feel like looking it up right now so I'm leaving it. So there.
I hate to say it, but even the considerable cool brought to bear by the Elvis association is more than wiped out by that insipid version of "Over The Rainbow". Ukuleles are not cool.
ReplyDeleteThat said, they are infinitely cooler than Ethan Hawke, showered or not.
Ukes are cute! I've been wanting to own an authentic hawaiian one.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I saw a Zumba advertisement in the paper today and you were the first one that popped in my head. The ad seems pretty convincing, I might actually go and try it.
Ms. OWO: Mandolins are ok they're just sort of reminiscent of ancient knights of ye olde table and Greensleaves and all that, much like lutes. But ukes are cool. And have a silly name. :) Also your family christmases sound scary in an awesome way.
ReplyDeletePat: Duelling ukejos! I'd be into that!
Jules: It's so nice. I like a lot of his stuff actually. All laid back sunny melancholy niceness.
Madame: I keep hearing about them, I need to go check that stuff out for real.
Jude: Hahaha, well come on, it's taken me five days to even respond to these comments. :)
Dan: I know! Large man, tiny guitar, soothing lovely music. And you are a flatterer young man. A flatterer. But you know, keep doing it...
Eric: It's funny you mention nylon strung acoustics. When i was a kid I had a nylon string spanish guitar that I always tried to make acoustic by putting acoustic or electric strings on. :) pimp out those geetars man!
Carissa: They are addictive, see? Now you'll dream about them and voila, you're hooked. :)
Words: You are clearly delusional dude, but as it's you I'll pretend you said 'hey Veg, I just hit my head on the stairs and no longer understand taste!' Hahahaha!
Except about Ethan Hawke. You are ok with that.
Cate: Agreed. Ukulele is just fun to say. UKES! :)
Apess: I'd love an authentic, beautiful woody Hawaiian one myself. I bet the sound from those is just beautiful!
as for the Zumba, I've been so lapse lately it's not funny. I need to start again and get gyrating my bon bon all over town. Or the bedroom, whatever. DO IT! It's fun and you can make an absolute ass of yourself yet work out doing it.
Fact: Ukuleles are small so that the person playing them doesn't die when someone inevitably smashes the instrument over the player's head and says, "Learn to play the guitar, you weird jackass."
ReplyDeleteFact.
You're a mean man, Johnson. Yet somehow you managed to wring sense out of that notion.
ReplyDeleteI never got the ukulele thing ..
ReplyDeleteNow accordians..those are badass
You know, accordians ARE pretty badass miss C. I can't play those though. AT all.
ReplyDeleteI want to play the ukeleli. How the hell do you spell that word? I give up. Anyways, props to you for attempting that ride. I've sworn off all rides after last year's state fair. I used to enjoy that sort of thing.. but now? I get off bruised and nauseous... and I'd rather be eating a corn dog.
ReplyDeleteDude, I say spell it any way you like. Really. :) And yes, play it, it's so much fun. We could all learn to play and go busking. How scar...I mean, how awesome would that be?
ReplyDeleteHow the hell did I miss this post?
ReplyDeleteUkuleles being talked about by Veggie Ass? And she approves? Can't believe it passed me by.
Anyhoo, in the unlikely event you read comments on your past posts, can I offer you some uke magic from Blighty:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXVdNKciP94
You know what, Senor The Jules? That was a) cool and b) like an acid flashback or something. Yet I bet Kurt Cobain would have approved. :) Hell I need to go cover something insane for a uke, now!
ReplyDeletei have a ukulele. i can prove it. NOW can i be your friend?
ReplyDeleteYou mean, you weren't BEFORE? WTF? :)
ReplyDelete