This morning, in an uncharacteristic fit of wanting to accomplish things, I started my day at the local gas station, trying to inflate my tires (or "tyres" if you're British), which is just everyone's favourite task ever, am I right? (snort) My tires were looking sad AF and I'd been procrastinating doing it for ages, because oh my god, so boring.
I realized I hadn't put air in the things since 2015. Did I hear a collective gasp of horror? Last time I inflated the tires I proceeded to drive 2,000 KM over prairies and mountains on them, and I've been driving on them ever since. The tires I mean, not the mountains.
Anyway, I'd just got this funky new pressure gauge with a digital light up screen and everything, better than the old pencil gauge I used to have that you couldn't even read the markings on so you had to pretty much just fervently hope that you didn't make anything over-inflate, explode, and blow your head off. Surely that kind of thing happens every day! Dramatic? Me?
To make matters worse, a gale was blowing my hair all around my head like temperamental hairy flames, while all that bending over was making my jeans sag and giving me an attractive builders butt crack. And of course, the air compressor quit as I was on the last tire. THE LAST TIRE. I'm pretty sure it's programmed to do this. You bastards. I wasn't coughing up another buck for one tire either so I gave it the invisible middle finger and hoped I'd gotten enough air in there before it stopped.
After this feat of endurance, I got some groceries to make a peach cobbler, procured a cup of coffee and drove down to the waterfront to drink it before driving home to commence workage. It was kind of half stormy, half nice out, look! Sorry about the angle, I was dangling precariously over the sea wall looking at all that driftwood.
Now I never once claimed this entry was interesting. So you can just shut up.
one of best tools I've ever purchased for our home was an electric air pump. I just used it the other day on the car tires. A low pressure warning light was annoyingly displaying on the instrument panel. This pump has lasted 30+ years. It's very loud but pumps car tires, bike tires, soccer balls, etc. Gas stations should offer free compressed air for their customers but I know many don't.
ReplyDeleteDid a logging operation lose its logs on the beach? Boating though that many logs would be a disaster.
Ummmm... 2015? When was the last time you had an oil change? If you took it to a place, they should have properly inflated your tyres.
ReplyDeleteI also have one of those little airpumps in the car, and it is like me, too loud and too slow, so I often use the service station across the street. Damn leaky aluminum rims.
Lisle: I'd love one for my bike and my car. Maybe one day I'll get around to it. Anything to not deal with the one at the gas station timing me. :)
ReplyDeleteScope: I last had an oil change in 2015 also, ha. I've been procrastinating that as well. Although to be fair I live on an island and don't exactly have to drive far often. I am going to do it soon though. I've maybe done 2000 miles since the last one.
Actually, that entry was a tour de force of narrative suspense and experimental antinarrative resolution! And I for one think ending it in midair like that was quite effective. You can get away with one of these now and again, because you've established a strong expectation of themes explored and points arrived-at. So periodically throwing us out one of these more experimental, nontraditional narrative structures - it's disorienting, it's refreshing, it gets us to question our expectations and laugh!
ReplyDeleteMind you, it would be a little on the cruel side to deliberately create specific expectation and thwart it. But that's not what you've done here; I didn't even know what I was expecting! We were just careering along, and I'm definitely strapped in and enjoying the loops, and then - POOF! The rollercoaster vanishes in such a way that you wonder "why did I think there was a rollercoaster?" Kinda postmodern or something.
Doesn't matter! No complaint can be made, since I enjoyed the ride. Deftly done.
Joe, you are a master of eloquent sarcasm and I salute you. :) Although tires are the epitome of interesting of course. I did enjoy your wordgasm.
ReplyDeleteAww! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteYou know, people often mistake my sincerity for sarcasm. It's something I enjoy a lot, though I'm not sure I should. But it just developed that way after years of getting wayyyy too into something I'm describing, to the point where it crossed some line in peoples' minds, like "Nobody would actually say this this way, would they? Must be some form of sarcasm." I think the fact it's rarely taken entirely seriously frees me to speak from the depths and reaches. If that makes any sense.
Now, I do recognize my high-falootin' "lit crit" approach is almost ALWAYS misplaced! Tonally, stylistically or whatever, it's pretty much never suited to the venue. Indeed, how could it be. But for what it's worth, I do actually mean the observations and overviews I lay out. I just recognize that it's probably a little ridiculous I (or anyone) would put it in such ways.
It's so freeing though! If the way you put something makes people think you're probably funnin', you can get away with saying everything you mean from the top of your head to the bottom of your heart. And they can't fucking touch you.
That's my sweet trick.
Not sure how I missed this post...
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't boring, I love your thought process.
You have to pay for air? Must be a Canadian thing. Pretty soon they'll be charging us for air we breath. To save money I'll cut my air consumption by holding my breath.
Pat: Yeah! They always used to be free but now it's a dollar and I can always get three and a bit wheels done before time runs out. I think they plan it this way. Grrrr. Every time. :)
ReplyDelete