You know there's a difference between being introverted and being anti-social. That's what I tell myself. I don't consider myself anti-social - I get on with people, I have friends, I'm fine at conversations and small talk if the need arises, I like hanging out with small groups of friends at a bar or wherever. I just prefer not to go out in large groups, partying or clubbing or doing fantastically extroverted loud things with lots of people or groups because I don't have any particular love for it and I don't see the need.
Therefore, I don't see why people are all up in your grill in public places because they think that it's socially okay to quiz you like a Jeopardy contestant. Take the laundry room. I'm totally fine with saying "good evening" or polite claptrap about the weather, or the holidays - just enough for the wait not to be cloaked in a silent stew of awkwardness. But I don't know what gets into some people who seem to think that occupying the same space at the same time stipulates they can get all kinds of familiar. What's your name? Where are you from? What apartment do you live in? Have you lived here long? What do you do?
DIE IN A FIRE, that's what I do. I just met you, dude, while I'm washing my smalls, you can't ask me anything personal.
I'm not sure how to deal with such over abundant questions I don't feel like answering from someone I don't even know. I thought maybe I'd try one of these:
1) Pretend to be Bulgarian or something and speak some made up language.
2) Stare at him without blinking, like a serial killer, not saying a word.
3) Shout, "MY NAME IS VEG WHO ARE YOU, THANKS FOR ASKING" at the top of my lungs so that he gets confused and runs away in horror.
4) Say, "Do you want to put my underwear on your head?"
What is the proper etiquette for such things? I'm not sure I'm qualified.
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
These all seem like perfectly good solutions to me. You could also just lie down in the fetal position until they walk away.
ReplyDeleteSmile, nod, and then ignore them.
ReplyDeleteI usually do one word answers until they give up. Tends to work very well with the typical dumb conversation.
ReplyDeleteTry just staring without saying anything until the person leaves the room! ALso, yes. Wtf, I don't have a job because it gives me the fine ability to stand around answering questions and being silently demanded to pose them myself, because I don't care about your relatives or what you do in your spare time. Unless it's archaeology, then I'm interested. Also, you should stay the heck out of my life, and it's none of your beeswax why we don't have any kids or when I am planning to get my driver's license.
ReplyDeleteYou need to wear sunglasses 24/7. That's way, you can pull them down your nose a little, look over the top scornfully, and then push them back up.
ReplyDeleteOr wear earbuds. They don't have to be connected to anything.
I would suggest you fake sign language, but that dude at Nelson Mandela's funeral beat you to it. So just answer in interpretive dance.
I'm left with questions now. What is your counter if the person in particular does, in fact, want to put your underwear on his/her head? Suppose that was the endgame all along & you just helped him/her cut to the chase.
ReplyDeleteGASP!!! What if he/she asks to wear one unwashed ones???
I always think in worst case scenarios... which is why I usually opt for awkward silence.
I always turn to the invisible person on my shoulder and ask him questions about my new friend.
ReplyDelete"This person wants us to share information! What should we do this time? (wait for answer) No! Not that again! There was too much blood to clean up last time..."
Ha, you people are WARPED!
ReplyDeleteEva: This would be the polite response. Am I polite? Jury is out.
Lord: That was my actual method. Wish I'd thought of something more memorable though.
Wynn: Hahaha well it sounds like you've had experience of this. I mean who hasn't, really?
Scope: Well there you go. Why didn't I think of that. I am so damn cool that sunglasses should have been EXPECTED. That actually presents so much opportunity my mind is buzzing...
Vinny: You know, I hadn't thought of that. I didn't think it through if the guy actually WAS some sort of perv. I can't be having that. I need a comeback other than a kick in the knackers.
Skypop: Hahahaha, I would do that. Except I'm laughing just thinking about doing that. I'm a terrible giggler. But man, it's funny.
Christian: I spend the rest of the day in that position though so for a change I'd rather be a little more upright. :)
ReplyDeletePass on #4 - omg the guy might eagerly say yes. Faking some foreign language is good and could be fun. You could select a word he said and pretend it means something awful in your language. Or just bring bleach next time and spill a little.
ReplyDeleteA year or two I went to the local pub to see my favorite regional band play. After they were done for the night I stuck around to talk to the bar owner (I do his website for him and needed to talk to him about some of the details). I was all sorts of happy to see the lead singer/guitarist plop down at the bar next to me.
ReplyDelete"Hey, great show!" I said, rather drunkenly. "I've seen you guys play quite a few times. I always enjoy it."
"Good," he said, smiling. "I'm glad you like it. Um... I'm happy to sit here and have a beer with you, but please don't expect me to talk."
To me that was the perfect way to avoid awkwardness in that situation.
Bill: Yes, I could look offended, yell some random made up phrase and slap him right across the face. Hahaa! Awesome.
ReplyDeleteChris: LOL. Well he had his own technique I guess! Being out in a bar with a beer I'd be all talkative no doubt. Just not in a normal everyday conversation with a manic questioner. Those are maddening.
It's funny the misperception people have of introverts. I've taken the tests for one job and that was my outcome. All, but one friend*, were shocked. They think introverts=anti social and I'm not that. However, I definitely hate events where I'm forced to wear a name tag. I have plenty of friends and am friendly, I just get shy in large groups of people I've never met.
ReplyDelete*My friend recommended the book Quiet to me and when I asked why she told me it's because you're an introvert. I've downloaded the book and will be reading shortly.
Happy Holidays.
I think an endless loop of "I know you are but what am I?" might cure this? I feel your pain!
ReplyDeleteCrap, I HATE small talk at the best of times, especially with strangers and near-strangers, so I feel your pain!
ReplyDeleteI'd tell people I'm on probation after twenty years in the slammer for murder, then ask if there are any jobs at their place of work.
ReplyDeleteDammit, Scope stole my answer. Earbuds. Pretend you can't hear the Chatty Cathys.
ReplyDeleteCora, just one more example of how we think alike. :-)
ReplyDeleteSorry for the late and lame response you last few guys! Been away, now back, mountain of laundry to do and laziness to overcome, ha! Happy new year!
ReplyDeleteA difference between introverted and antisocial? Huh. Yeah, I do believe there is. People who keep to themselves and think they're fucken cool are antisocial, but people who keep to themselves and think they're not cool are just introverted.
ReplyDeleteOften enough, both are mistaken on how cool they are.
I'm pretty sure there's a difference between extrovert and sociopath, too. Let me think about that one.
Meanwhile of course, there's the practical question of how to respond! I like to reassure the personal questioner with a friendly expression and a lot of head nods. Then suddenly - HI FIVE! Or at least, offer one.
Remember: look at the elbow as you're going in for a high five. Perfect resounding full contact slap every time.