Thursday, July 7th, 2011 – Can your eyeballs sweat?
Hey, did you know William and Kate are in Canada? Really! You’d never know because the media haven’t mentioned it ONE TIME, they’ve been so under the radar and stealth. OR NOT. Holy shit, I hope they have a nice time and all but honestly, I’m sick to death of hearing about what Kate’s wearing today and how it affects global warming or the price of tomatoes or whatever. Kate’s wearing “slacks” (she’s 75 and into polyester, clearly) therefore, guess what we’ll be seeing in high streets next season? Hopefully they come with cyanide capsules for that critical moment the buyer realizes they’ve been duped by some royal advertising and the shame takes over.
There. Got that off my chest. My cleavage is now unhindered by royal restraints. (what?)
Anyway, it must kind of suck to have the media watching every move you make and not giving a shit about what you’re up to, just what you’re wearing today. Does she ever just want to throw on some old jeans with holes in the knees, yank her greasy hair into a pony tail and wear a t-shirt with a coffee stain on the front? I’d be the worst royal ever. I’d be all, “Get that fucking camera out of my face, unless you want it rammed up your ass. And pass me a Pabst Blue Ribbon, reporter scum!” right before wiping my nose on my sleeve.
Heh. Maybe. Like I’d ever drink that Pabst shit.
I finally got around to some things I’d been meaning to for ages:
1) I saw “Bridesmaids” at last, albeit hesitantly, because, in my opinion, when a comedy gets a lot of hype and praise, it rarely lives up to these dizzying heights when I see it, leaving me confused. But I laughed my ass off because it was indeed that rare commodity in film – a romcom that doesn’t suck and actually has some “com” along with the “rom”. If I were Jennifer Aniston or Kate Hudson right now, I’d be ashamed of myself and my stupid movies because those people have given romcoms and chick flicks the terrible reputation they have now for being the stale, unfunny, unrealistic, fluff that they are. People keep saying “Bridesmaids” is the female “The Hangover” but they’re wrong. “Bridesmaids” is better. Plus it also proved something I’ve been saying since “The IT Crowd” – Chris O’Dowd might be an odd-looking, awkward Irishman but he is a SEXY, odd-looking, awkward Irishman. Oh yes, people laughed at me THEN..
.
2) I finally got me a Wacom drawing tablet so I can now do my fantastically sophisticated illustrations without looking like they were drawn by someone with stage 3 Parkinson’s. No more mouse drawing for me, no Sir. New gadgets kick ass. Plus now, if I’m so inclined, I can scribble really unfunny slogans in my own handwriting, all over celebrity photos, gatecrash a few parties, have hissyfits and call myself Perez Hilton!
Alright, I’m off to get some coffee to wake the hell up and then I’m going to get busy. Note: I typed “busty” at first there, but decided getting busty wasn’t the best use of my time today, sorry. I need to be able to see my feet!
Apologies for the lameocity (I made that up, it’s good no?) of this entry, but there’s a reason for it. I suck.
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So. People have nudged me about my total ineptness at updating this thing and they are correct. It's just, I don't have a life reall...
The Royals. You think it's bad over there, you should try living in the UK...oh yes you did and emigrated.
ReplyDeleteIt's one reason I don't bother with newspapers anymore.
I can't say I think Chris O'Dowd is sexy, but he IS funny, especially in the IT crownd. 'Have you tried turning it off and one again.'
Enjoy your busty...busy day.
Aw c'mon Martin, he's sexy. In a sweet, odd looking, totally cute way. :) I love the "IT Crowd". I might have to rewatch those soon. Just for fun you understand. Not for any nefarious oogling purposes.
ReplyDeleteLoved the Wacom tablets. I had so much fun doing digital art back in the day. One could pull off some pretty darn cool stuff! Not that I was particularly good at drawing...
ReplyDeleteYeah Lord, I'm looking forward to some drawing and design work made easier! So nice to have control as opposed to using the mouse to draw. EXCELLENT!
ReplyDeleteI loved Bridesmaids! It was hilariously funny!
ReplyDeleteIt was! I was actually guffawing out loud. So seldom happens in a movie these days. :)
ReplyDelete“Get that fucking camera out of my face, unless you want it rammed up your ass. And pass me a fucking Pabst Blue Ribbon, reporter scum!”
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure Sarah Ferguson said that every now and then.
The real question: Did you get a second Wacom tablet to do a giveaway? And by "giveaway" I mean send to me with one of those Cadbury Twisted bars that I know you're hoarding.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell a lie. I care a whole lot about what Kate is wearing. I check people.com daily.
ReplyDeleteNow, time to go get busty!
Cora: I'm pretty sure you're right! Feisty ginger people of the world unite! As you know. :)
ReplyDeleteJoshua: You bet your ass I'm hoarding them. Hell yes. Delicious. As for the tablet, you're on your own sonny. But I can thoroughly recommend!
Jules: You just go on with your bad trashy self, ladyfriend. :)
CBC News just gave an update. According to Heather Hiscox, Kate's stool was binding well this morning, but it appears Williams was a touch runny, possibly given to the airplane coffee. I'll let you know if there's more information.
ReplyDeleteThe finished by stating the obvious.
ReplyDeleteHa!
But, at least you kept my attention by making references to your boobs at least twice.
Yes, but what did you wear to Bridesmaids? And was your hair shiny when you went?
ReplyDelete:-) Like you'd drink Pabst.
ReplyDeleteWhy I oughta...
:-)
Pearl
William played STREET HOCKEY! And he didn't get any goals at all! (giggle, guffaw) And Kate didn't play, but she DID drop the orange ball! These royals are Just Like Us. Canada will love them forever. Except Quebec.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to 'oogle' Mr O'Dowd, feel free. Who's gonna know? I like rewatching them, as do my kids. Having worked in IT most of my adult life I can sadly relate to most of what happens.
ReplyDeleteTo live in Canada and not know that William and Kate came over for tea is practically impossible. You can't avoid any news about the Royals. Even if you live in the middle of a Canadian forest.
ReplyDeleteJennifer Aniston makes my stomach hurt. I can't understand why, with all her money and clout, she can't just make a good movie. A movie that doesn't involve a toolbag co-star the same recycled plot 1000 times over.
ReplyDeleteMost Romantic Comedies should be killed upon birth.
That sounds harsh. I know. But believe me. I'm right.
Bridesmaids made me laugh so hard I went into the embarrassing cackling rooster laugh with a snort thrown in here and there. Good stuff.
ReplyDeleteY'all missin' a trick over there, the idea is forget what Kate is wearing and roll like WILL!! thats what I do and I get LOADS of posh tushie!......ok I will one day.
ReplyDeleteby the way Have you watched 'Machete' with your man Danny Trejo, a Tarrentinoesque bloodfest with some big names and LiLo getting her puppies out for the lads. Got to be better than 'Bridesmaids'
Most of the people in western countries who admirer that skinny Kate are probably amazed, because their hamburger loving fat asses have never looked like that.
ReplyDeleteI noticed another comment mentioning the designated bad girl royal - Fergie but she getting old so maybe they could use a new one.
ReplyDeleteGood to hear you let the girls breathe a little. I just can't imagine wearing restraining clothes all day. The thought of handcuffs, ankle shackles, keeps me on the straight and narrow.
Like your reporter comment but that beer sucks as bad as Labatts.
I'm not a "royal" follower, but what I do hear, almost always relates to her clothing. All I can think about is how William's dad looked JUST like William when he was young. Let's just say he lost ALL of his handsome looks as he aged. She has had plenty of advance warning. As the future queen, maybe she doesn't care. Or maybe she already has a plan to have him poisoned and take over the throne herself...
ReplyDeleteSo you start off mentioning having unhindered cleavage and wind it up talking about being busty...
ReplyDeleteI'd almost suspect that some subliminal messaging was in progress here.
I always wear what Kate has worn the previous day.
ReplyDeleteWait, wha???
Illustration idea!! Yourself as a royal, holding a PBR in one hand and a big block of cheese in the other, wearing flannel PJ pants and one of those paper crowns from Burger King.
ReplyDeleteI knew the Royals were in Canada because it was mentioned on some random news feed. So there! hah!
ReplyDeleteI loved the irishman in Bridesmaids. I thought he was sooooo hot and wanted one of my own.
Ah, Bridesmaids. I LOVED it.
ReplyDeleteMr. Johnson: Thank God for them. I was wondering. I mean I worry she isn't getting enough fibre on her world trips. Honestly the media are only one short step away from reporting that shit. Literally! :)
ReplyDeleteEd: Well one needs to throw boobs into the mix to keep the interest of the brain cell deficient little boys.
Mandy: Hahaha, actually, my hair was atrocious, unwashed, looked like I'd slept in a hedge and greasy (I'm trying to give it a break from all the washing business while I'm off for a few days!) so thanks for asking. I wore a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans. I looked like I was about to burgle the place. OK? It was a late show, no one was supposed to BE there.
Pearl: AS IF! Dude, I drink anything that's frosty and handy, no fear. :)
Stephanie: I KNOW! He totally did. He's SO ONE OF US! As for Quebec, they don't like anyone. Mais non, mademoiselle.
Martin: Haha I know. Thanks though, I WILL OOGLE. I do. I have and I continue to. In a friendly platonic manner you understand.
Olga: Or a giant effing prairie! :) Like me. It's possible you could be living in a cave in the goddamn Yukon and know about it.
JM: She makes my EVERYTHING hurt, dude. She should be banned. BANNED. And no worries, I completely agree with you on romcoms. They need to DIE IN A FIRE. 'cept Bridesmaids. Of course.
ReplyDeleteSarah: Hahaha I did a few of those myself. Who wouldn't? An idiot.
Joe: Uh huh....Put the liquor down boy. Yes, I have seen Machete, though why Danny Trejo is "MY MAN" I have no fucking idea. Shudder. It's a great movie though. Cheesy, stupidly violent and hilariously cool. OK?
NP: Yes. One has to starve oneself to acquire the royal derriere. Sad but true. I'd rather have a grilled cheese sandwich and a coke now and then and screw that.
Lisle: Yes the girls need to breathe like a good wine. Or something.
Pat: Maybe! I mean look at the evidence? William and Catherine? Do you get more royal names than that? She's after Queen Catherine the fourteenth or whatever number of Catherine they're at. 3? 5? Whatever?
Vinny: It was so subliminal even I didn't pick up on it! :) I've now put on a sweatshirt and am hiding the twins from all the publicity...I would never do subliminal messaging dude. Don't you go BUY AN IPAD thinking I would.
OK that was lame.
Skypop: And you look stunning doing it dude. Yup. Yes Sir.
Martini: ...........Did my webcam just turn itself on, cos I swear you can see me.
Amanda: Hahaha, well Ireland has lots of them I hear. Go get one.
P: I knew you would! If you didn't you'd have to be shot!
Did I comment on here earlier? I can't remember. Old age and senility settling in.
ReplyDeleteI don't do rom-coms, but you're nearly convincing me to go see Bridesmaids.
Nearly.
I promise you it's funny! And more a decent comedy than a romcom. I'm a romcom hater and I liked it, for God's sake.
ReplyDeleteA cleavage should never be restrained! If not under a man (or womans, if that's what you prefer) weight, when he's over you and.. well let's not get carried away here.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the Wacom! So, that means.. that I have to stop drawing stuff now, right? Because I know you're better than me and we cleary are compared by readers. Or, you know, because I'm pouty because you're funnier than me (and lots of people).
Thanks for the tip on 'Bridesmaids'. We all know you have excellent taste so maybe I will go see the movie now, especially since that twat head Jennifer Aniston isn't in it...
ReplyDeleteHappy doodling with your new toy. Can't wait to see what sort of mischief you get up to!!
What a coincidence that I saw that tonight. F-no. Not 'Bridesmaids', the IT Crowd.
ReplyDeleteI hope you saw the extended/deleted Jon Hamm sex scene on the Interwebs. It's wonderfully ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteI think you just talked me into seeing Bridesmaids.
ReplyDeleteYou had me at "better than the Hangover".
More com than rom. If they put that in the movie poster I would have seen it twice. Instead I only saw it once. I don't know what my point was except I liked that line.
ReplyDeleteAlso do you think Prince William just goes to bed in a suit? Paparrazzi don't play.
Agree with Martin - you should live in the UK, its Kate every day. Used to be Diana, but somehow she had more of an edge to her. Yes the journos get sick of it because I was one, always trying to find a line in what they did. Apparently Kate's Wimbledon dress (UK pounds 700 sold out in eight minutes after she wore it. But you knew that right? Plus do that have one of those whoosy whatsit computer things for writing? Take the wobbles out of my words?
ReplyDeleteWell, there's gratitude! You do realise we all clubbed together with a quid a piece to send our Katie over to you?
ReplyDeleteYeah, yeah, yeah, okay, maybe we DID have an ulterier motive (like Martin said, it's a wee bit wearing having her parked over here, full-time), but still.. Just saying.
They're here in LA today, and I can't stop hearing about it even though I studiously avoid the local news! They better not make my Friday night drive home longer! *fist shake*
ReplyDeleteGotta run, I'm off to get busy with someone busty.
So about "Lameocity"... it's actually a word in urbandictionary.com.
ReplyDeleteHope all is well! =)
I really gotta go see Bridesmaids. I'll do that with all my extra time. haha.
ReplyDeletePS: What, pray tell, is wrong with Pabst? ;)
New follower...saw you over at Eva's.
He's totally cute! My dreamlover is Dylan Moran though, so that says a lot about what I seek in a man: dirty rotten Irish bastard alcoholic cynicism, mayhem and loathing, not 'cute'. So, Chris Thingy is all yours. Which is actually awesome, because we won't be fighing over him! But we both love an Oirishman. Say it out loud - it works.
ReplyDeleteThat's all I've got.
Sarah xxx
Thank GOD you clarified the Pabst comment. I was about to unfollow.
ReplyDeleteI DO have standards.
OK, you right. No I don't. I was just being a bitch.
I do have to ask, the whole "royals" thing ... WTF is the deal with that? People down here are getting a bit stupid with it as well, and I admit, it confuses the unholy hell out of me.
Maybe I've a bit too much commoner lameocity in my fat, western, hamburger ass, but I just can't get into the whole Kate ... sorry, Catherine .. thing. Saying she has an "edge" to her is like saying white bread with crust is edgier than white bread without. I kind of hope Harry marries a ginger with a taste for ukuleles and tequila. Now THAT would make for some interesting shit.
Camilla might even have a heart attack.
And wouldn't that just be tragic.
These two "royals" seem to be striving for as much normalcy as they'll be allowed, I'm guessing we'll get to see her in jeans eventually. Especially once they start breeding, she won't have time or patience to care as much about what she's wearing.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for the heads-up on Bridesmaids. I have the same problem with comedies, they're not funny, so getting the review from you means I might actually enjoy it. Good work dude.
Wynn: Uh huh. Let those cleavages out ladies! Be bouncy and proud. Or something...
ReplyDeleteEmpress: See it! And enjoy. And behave your bad, bad self.
Eric: Well. What a coincidence! Now see Bridesmaids and have a laugh, Tex, me old pal.
Beck: I did not but you can bet your sweet pattoot I'm going to go looking for it now. Thanks for providing me with the link, fucker.
Tracie: See? They should pay me a commission don't you think? Then I can buy us all margaritas? What a great plan, Veg! Thanks T.
Rahul: Dude, I'm not sure he goes to bed. I think they might all be androids. Someone turns them off at night and puts them in a big cupboard. No? It makes sense, don't you think?
Last Weekend: Wow. People have 700 pounds to spend on a dress just because she wore it on TV? People amaze me. Also, that last couple of sentences of yours, I sure wish they made sense because it sounded interesting! :)
Shrinky: Thank you. Seriously. Thanks. The whole of Canada probably is thanking you right now with gifts. It backfired though. you thought you'd get rid of them for a while but all you got was more news about the royals in Canada. Sorry! :)
Words: I hope you had tea with them, Francis, you proper gentleman. You could have cooked them one of your fabulous culinary delights. Then reported back to us. Also, hope the busty thing worked out dude. Respect!
Manager: Thank you for that, professor! :) I will sleep better for knowing it.
ReplyDeleteDawn: Um...:) Pabst is AWESOME. Truly. Awe. Some. Hell, I have nothing against it, I just felt like trashing a beer and it was right there for the picking.
Sarah: Dylan...ok. Whatever, lady. I saw him live years ago in the medieval days of the 1990s and he was good! So you'll enjoy I'm sure. Just behave. Don't tear ALL of his clothes off...
Chef: I am now taking the fifth on Pabst. Zip. And ...hold on a goddamn second. You want Harry to marry ME? WTF? Are you trying to kill me woman?
Gen: You WILL enjoy it, I'm sure. It's nicely lewd and great all at once. Great combo. :)
See and I was so upset when they chose Canada over Australia. I was psyched up for Kate Watch, I'd dyed my hair red, white and blue and even forwent a bath for a month just for the whole British experience. I did draw the line at the inbreeding so favoured by royals everywhere, but beside that I was so ready. And now I am left with having a life, not giving a shit and eating chocolate. Sucked in Canada. PS you'd be a great queen Veg. I'd even turn all pro-monarchy if you were next to wear the crown.
ReplyDeleteRusty: I'm sure. I'm sure you cried REAL TEARS. :) Ha. I would make a fantastic queen though, you got that right. I'd be all, "BRING ME BEER, FUCKERS" and you'd be all, "Yes ma'am, you are so cool" and I'd be all, "Damn straight, Skippy!" and we'd have a giant tequila party.
ReplyDeleteWow, you've actually heard of Chris O'Dowd? He was indeed a charmer. Where's he been hiding? You can tell that movie was written by women because they wrote a male character that everyone woman wants for their boyfriend. The one time I'm in favor of cloning.
ReplyDeleteYou're sounding like your fiesty self, Ms. Veggie. Hope your world is rockin' to a groovy beat.
Your friend,
ms py
Ah, this is why I choose to exercise/embarrass myself in the privacy of the home. Usually by cleaning, dancing, or dancecleaning.
ReplyDeletePS - We are fro buddies. Any minimal amount of activity turns my hair into the stuffs that should exist only in the confines of one's nightmare.