More Stuff You Didn't Need To Know

Friday, July 2nd, 2010, hot, blustery afternoon, at home on a long weekend

Check me out, writing actual entries on Fridays, that don't involve memes!

Ha, fooled you. Today is totally going to be a meme. I always complain about the damn things yet I always do them regardless, because obviously, there is nothing I enjoy more than talking about myself ad nauseum. Or complaining. Or throwing darts at pictures of Tom Cruise's head.

This one was bestowed on me by the evil, but quite delightful Muummmmeeeeee who knows the world cannot possibly survive without knowing what makes me tick.

Where were you five years ago?

I was living in New York City, working in advertising and planning an exciting trip to the Keys with my sister. I'd wanted to go to Key West since I was about 12 years old and finally I was stoked to be doing it! So we flew down to Fort Lauderdale and drove down to the middle Keys, where we were staying a night before moving on to Key West the following day. It was beautiful and tranquil and the small hotel we stayed in that night had everything; a salt water pool, hammocks, cocktails...and a big, fucking hurricane called Rita. So the next morning instead of heading to Key West as planned, we got our asses evacuated and had to drive maniacally around Florida trying to outrun it, while improvising accommodation, dodging alligators and drowning our sorrows in extreme amounts of beer, pizza and my sister's legendary farts. Good times.

I still haven't been to Key West.

Where would you like to be five years from now?

In my Airstream, travelling around, free as a bird. Maybe we'd finally make it to Key West, who knows? Naturally, I'd have a totally mobile job, my Airstream would be custom fitted for all my needs (including a cocktail bar to match its retro decor) and I'd stay only in the most beautiful of spots, moving on when I needed a change. I'll be mysterious and admirable and adventurous, like that Dos Equis dude who claims to be "the most interesting man in the world", only unlike that guy, I'd look less like "the most dishevelled homeless guy in the world with 'the diabeetus'".

What's on your list to do today?

Let me see. I have to finish this damn meme. I then have to eat this grilled cheese sandwich, let some guy in to fix the dishwasher because I managed to slaughter its will to live, then I have to finish painting a Cylon (yes, another one!) for a friend of mine, package up some small paintings ready to ship to some other people and finish perfecting John Locke's nose, for my good buddy Red. Then I am making a big-assed batch of frozen margaritas for my joint Canada Day/4th of July party tomorrow, (can 2 people and a stuffed cow constitute a "party"?) and I might do some yoga.

What five snacks do you enjoy?

Well I have to say I enjoy potato chips a lot. The more bizarre the flavour, the better too. You're just never going to catch me buying Salt and Vinegar or Cheese and Onion flavour. This is where the UK outdoes the whole rest of the world. It has the best chips/crisps on Earth. With the best flavours. Every time I go over there I bring a suitcase just for fancy flavoured chips. Apart from chips I like red grapes. And devilled eggs. And chocolate dipped strawberries. And cupcakes. And I like cucumber drizzled in black pepper, salt and vinegar. And sweet pickles. And...oh wait, you said five? Well you got eight, because I provide value, baby. Value.

What would you do if you were a billionaire?

Probably the same answer as the five years from now thing. Airstream, travel, cocktail bar, hammock. Only maybe without the mobile job - I'd just paint and craft full time and sell those for fun. Wouldn't that be nice? And I'd pay off my debts and my family's mortgages and get a better car or truck to pull my Airstream and I would be almost worry free. People tell you money can't buy you happiness, but they can pucker up and kiss my pattoot. Money might not buy you happiness but I just bet it comes pretty damn close.

I'm not going to nominate anyone for this meme, but feel free to take it and abuse the shit out of it with your own answers. In fact, I encourage it. Have a happy fourth of July, America. And a perfectly adequate weekend to the rest of you too. Ha.