Today I believe my first thought was, "I wonder if there's a Mars Bar lurking in the fridge?"
Mars Bars are my current love. I grew up with them but they were tossed by the wayside years ago, in fickle favour of new, more interesting candy bars. But I think I was young, I was restless, I just had to sow my wild chocolate oats. Inevitably I came back to my old friend Mars.
Now normally, I can go months without chocolate, but occasionally I need it like oxygen. Mars Bars are at least as crucial as oxygen (and I bet there's a physicist out there who'll back me up on this and that physicist is probably a lady with PMS) with their caramelly, chocolatey, whatever-the-hell-that-other-part-is-y goodness.
Of course, a Milky Way will do in a pinch. It all depends where I am at the time. If I'm in the States a Milky Way is my usual option as really, it's pretty much a Mars Bar with a different name, even if it does taste a little different. If I'm in Canada I can get an actual Mars Bar. I'm a multi national, border-crossing machine on a regular basis so it could go either way. My garbage-can wrapper collection does not discriminate.
Note: For the record I also love British Milky Ways which are nothing like a Mars Bar at all. It's confusing isn't it? It's like chocolate is a whole other language! Thankfully I speak it fluently.
I have a bag of "fun size" Mars Bars in my fridge, or as I always call them "Disappointingly Small Sized" Mars Bars. I don't think the people at Mars really get the point of "fun" AT ALL. If I buy a chocolate bar called "Fun Size", I'm expecting something the approximate length of a wrestler's arm and twice as thick and it should, ideally, be able to mix me a margarita and fly me to the Caribbean.
You know, I actually came on here to say something legitimately of interest and now I've been sidetracked by chocolate and I can't remember what it was... If it comes back to me I'll let you know. I'd hate to think you were all unable to get to sleep tonight from worrying about it.
Apparently there is a shoppe ins Scotland that serves deep-fried Mars Bars. I'm a Snickers Chick myself. - G
ReplyDeleteYes, there was this myth around for years about deep fried Mars Bars and Scotland which, being from Scotland myself I have to dispute. I have never once seen a deep fried Mars Bar there UNTIL those rumours started and people kept mentioning them. In fact, the first one I heard of in real life was in Brooklyn, NY! It sounds nasty to me. Who ate a Mars and thought "You know what this needs to make it REALLY good? FRYING!" :)
ReplyDeleteDo they have nougat in them? If so, I cannot condone them (and yes, that is based solely on my hatred of the word "nougat" -- it's almost as bad as "viscous." Have you ever heard anything described as "viscous" that is in any way appealing?). Bounty bars rock. Me and Saddam Hussein share that opinion, apparently.
ReplyDeleteMmmm, chocolate. Maybe by 'fun size' they mean the entire bag?
ReplyDeleteBrutey: You know what? I think they DO call that other part "nougat" but it clearly is NOT nougat. Nougat is nasty, chewy stuff usually with nuts in it. This is heavenly, whipped, chocolatey STUFF. Much superior to nougat. I also like Bounty bars, particularly the red one (dark chocolate). Shit, now I want one of those. Thank you SO much. I may have to go get one.
ReplyDeleteAmanda: That can be the ONLY explanation. It is encouraging me to eat the entire bag. You know, they have fun sized CARAMEL Mars now. Extra caramel means extra happy me.
Milky Way has a new version now that is all chewy caramel covered with milk chocolate! It's very good!
ReplyDeleteOh you know what, I believe I've seen that! But not yet tried it. But rest assured I WILL. I believe I just salivated on my shirt.
ReplyDelete"I'm expecting something the approximate length of a wrestler's arm and twice as thick"
ReplyDeleteIt's like you are axpecting to see me naked.
Dude if you're only the length and thickness of a wrestler's arm, your COCK must be TINY.
ReplyDeletehmmm, let's see....fun.....well, fun size would be better than no size at all, doncha think?
ReplyDeleteEven half a fun size would be better than nothing at all in an emergency.
I should know, I've had those emergencies...
I hate when someone makes a good point, Elenka. You are, of course, correct. But only JUST. I mean let's not even go there. Run out of Mars Bars? Shudder. Maybe they could just stick to the truth though. BITE SIZED. Not fun. :)
ReplyDeleteNow I'm all hungry. Grr.
ReplyDeleteShouldn't that be "AAARRRRRRRGH!" :)
ReplyDeleteDark chocolate in any and every thing baby!
ReplyDeleteYes, ma'am! You need one of THESE then. I can vouch for them. Saucy little temptresses.
ReplyDeleteFun size my ass! I can sit down and eat a whole bag of snickers/mars mix and I'm not even a chocolate junkies.
ReplyDeleteI would however, kill someone to protect a Laura Secord French Mint bar. Kill them dead.
You know, I bought some Laura Secord cherry chocolate singles recently. Like two little chocolates in a box. HEAVENLY. So I believe you! I do. Only I wouldn't protect them so much as devour them. I'm just saying.
ReplyDeleteWhy the eff do all these English-speaking countries gotta have the same name for different chocolate bars? Can't someone get it together for some unification here?
ReplyDeleteI vote for Veg for Chocolate Unifier in 2010!
That's a title I'd relish! So long as, in the name of unity, I get to sample as many of them as possible. I feel it's imperative to know your subject THOROUGHLY, you know? :)
ReplyDeleteHA! But the good thing about the FUN size Mars bar is that obviously it is TOO SMALL TO HAVE ANY CALORIES.
ReplyDeleteYou can eat loads and loads and loads of them.
You know, when I read that then, the Hallelujah Chorus started playing and the WHOLE ROOM LIT UP! Because, OMG, you are right. That is absolutely IT. The "FUN" means "GUILT FREE". Dude, you made my weekend. I'm now going to go buy five more bags of those and eat nothing else for a week.
ReplyDeleteYeah, that "kiddie sized" crap shouldn't even be made. Fun sized, my arse.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with the big bars though (the ONLY problem) is, your ARSE ends up "FUN" sized. :)
ReplyDeleteI keep my chocolate bars in the freezer. In theory, it stops me from eating 20 fun-sizers in under 30 seconds. In reality, it leads to some very expensive dental bills.
ReplyDeleteI do the same thing... go months without chocolate, then have a sudden craving that lasts about a month. Lately it's been Mounds. Dark chocolate and coconut... MMMMMM!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, my ass is definitely "lots of fun" sized.
ReplyDeleteI keep Crunchie bars in my freezer. Even if I don't eat one for months, I feel better knowing they are there.
ReplyDeleteAnd Milky Way is a sad, sad, Mars alternative.
theoretically, mars bars are a dummed down version of snickers. then take caramel away from mars bars and you have milky ways!
ReplyDeletei grade awesomeness by quantity.
You realise "a Mars a day, helps you work rest and play" (or so the Aussie ads used to tell me). So really you should eat them more often. I like to think of those little ones as a daily vitamin pill, filled with sunshine and happiness.
ReplyDeleteElly: I nearly ALWAYS eat my Mars Bars from the freezer. I love them hard (that's what SHE said!) :)
ReplyDeleteCatLady: You know, I've never had a Mounds bar. I've always seen then and never bought one. This must be rectified. :)
Libby: I like the Midnight Milky Ways. But Mars Bars are just a touch better!
Pee: Mars are a SUPERIOR version to Snickers, missy. I like Snickers too but me and nuts and chocolate don't mix. Mars all the way.
Rusty: YES! We had that same motto. A Mars a day does indeed make you work rest and play. And fat. :)
Oh man, we had the same versions (and slogans, it seems like!) as the British, in Australia. The Milky Way was the snack that wouldn't ruin your appetite. For that reason and also I think they cost about 30 cents, I can forgive their skimpiness.
ReplyDeleteAnd also can I just complain about the way Americans say nougat: nou-gutt instead of nougahhhh? It makes it sound gross instead of soft and tasty.
PS - I must have the all-caramel Milky Way Eva mentioned! NOW!!!
Also, in case you weren't aware, the Mars chocolate candy company is completely fucking nuts:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.cracked.com/article_18616_5-bitter-truths-about-chocolate.html
Soda: Me too. Caramel...mmmmmmm. In the UK when I was little we called it "NUGGET" like gold, which is pretty horrible too. :) NOUGAAAAAH sounds posh.
ReplyDeleteSteve: If I paid attention to every nasty thing said about chocolate I'd cry. I actually am a Cracked subscriber and I don't even remember that article. Interesting. Esp. since I love Cadbury's and Mars. Hate Hershey though. I never touch that stuff. Damn, why can't chocolate just give in and be GOOD for you?
A girl after my own (chocolate) heart. I'll fight you for the last king size!
ReplyDeleteWell young man, you best bring your very best A game for it will be a megafight with that prize at stake. :)
ReplyDeleteP.S. Dollarama have the double packs for a buck. Kick Ass!
I was getting all confuddled about Milky Way chocolate until you and your chocolate wisdom explained that in Britain they DO NOT taste the same. I think I want to move to your margarita, chocolate heaven.
ReplyDeleteHang on, so American 'Mily Way's are the same as Mars Bars?
ReplyDeleteDo they have British stylee Milky Ways too? What're they called?
And the REAL question I have is have you ever had a 'Moro'? Everyone I've ever known to be introduced to them swear they are chocolate bar heaven.
We should start a chocolate bar exchange programme!! Good god, I'm a genius!
great, so now all i can think about is how lovely a Mars Bar would be right now.
ReplyDeleteAnd what is the deal with 'fun' sized? What is 'fun' about a chocolate bar you can eat in one bite?
E.D.: Haha, do it! Chocolate hypnotism. Yummmmm.....
ReplyDeleteJude: Yes! Milky Ways in the U.S. are similar to Mars Bars. There's nothing I've found in North America like a UK Milky Way. I love UK Milky Ways with their white delicious centres... Good God a chocolate exchange. What a fantastic idea. Unless you get inundated with Hershey. I've never met a non American person yet who actually LIKES Hershey. It's so different.
Heather: Exactly my point! They need to be the size of France to constitute "FUN". :)
Best thing is a Mars Bar fresh from the fridge. Just nibble the chocolate off and then eat the cold caramel and chew away happily. Yum Yum Yum.
ReplyDeleteOh absolutely from the fridge! They have to be cold for full effect. Better still, in my opinion, from the freezer when they're rock hard. :) I like 'em chewy.
ReplyDeleteWeirdly, I only like Mars Bars if I take one and slice it up into tiny little slices and eat it that way. Is that weird?
ReplyDeleteNo! No it isn't. I'll tell you why. When I was in the Brownies (shut up!) we used to go camping and we'd have Mars Bars in the coolers among the ice, then we'd take them out at night and slice them up like that. They just tasted EVEN MORE AWESOME like that somehow. :) Or maybe you're just a dainty lady?
ReplyDeleteChrist no, I've tasted Hershey - I'm not entirely sure what it is but its certainly not chocolate.
ReplyDeleteLash me over your address and I'll send you some moros and catch bars - Irish chocolate heaven. Trust me.
Oh you little chocolate angel. :) WHat exactly ARE Moros? Or Catch Bars? For real.
ReplyDeleteLife in Mars is definitely better than life on Earth.Does anyone out there manufacture vodka I can keep in my pocket, like, one-gulp size vodka?
ReplyDeleteYou know, that's why some god invented the hip flask! A nice couple of shots in a cute silver skinny container. PERFECT!
ReplyDeleteI regard the term "fun size" exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteFun my tan, mexican arse.
RIGHT? We need to ban that term unless it refers to something that's actually FUN.
ReplyDeleteYou can go months? I can go hours without chocolate... and my ass shows that!
ReplyDeleteHaha. No I really can. I will go months without even thinking about it, then I have to have it every day for weeks. Chocolate is a bitch.
ReplyDeleteA piece of this post was chosen for our cool blog.
ReplyDeleteWe only have the hippest of the snippets. So by default you're hip. No lame stuff. Unless you think we're lame. We promise we're not. We like twizzlers!
Yeah you guys are full of the cool. Thanks man! :)
ReplyDelete