Of Mice And (Wo)Men, Part Trois

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010, some ungodly hour of the morning

Something mously is stirring...


Baxter:  Well hello!
Me:  Oh for fuck’s sake, you are kidding me.
Baxter:  Did you miss me?  It’s been a while, huh? 
Me: Tell me I’m having a bad dream.
Baxter: You’re having a bad dream.
Me: Thank the lord!
Baxter:  Not really.  I’m back.  I decided to give you some space for a while.  You were getting a little psychotic there and I was feeling a little unwelcome.
Me: No shit. 
Baxter: I see you are still employing the old duct tape hole-plugging method.  It amuses me greatly.
Me:  You’re never going away are you?
Baxter:  Hmmm.  Not really, no.
Me: I might get a cat.  A really big cat with an attitude.
Baxter:   Now, do you really think that’s wise?
Me:  How’d you mean?
Baxter:  Well,  I don’t want to be negative or anything but, cats need nourishment.….and look what you did to that plant.
Me:  Yeah well…this cat would be eating mouse.
Baxter: Oh touché my dear, touché!
Me:  Sigh.
Baxter: Anyway, I’m glad to be back.  I’ve missed the entertainment.  I’m happy to see you’re still hilarious.
Me: What the hell are you talking about now?
Baxter:  That thing you do.
Me: ?
Baxter:  You know.  The thing.  Where you wear the sports bra and the funny pants.  Where you throw your arms in the air and suffer some sort of seizure.
Me: What?  You mean ZUMBA? 
Baxter: Is that what that was.  I just thought you were unwell.  You had a terrifying painful look on your face.
Me: THAT IS MY SEXY FACE!
Baxter:  Oh dear.
Me: You utter fucker.
Baxter: Well there’s that other thing you do.  The one when you lie on the floor in funny positions.  That scared me also.  Maybelline was watching on video.  She almost dialed 911.  She thought your innards were imploding.
Me: What. The. Fuck?
Baxter:  You were down there on the ground, with your limbs flailing all over the place and a look on your face like death was near.
Me:  I was doing YOGA!
Baxter: You were?  Oh.  I am sorry. 
Me: I hate you.
Baxter: You know, I’m pretty sure yoga is supposed to be peaceful and meditative.
Me: I am fucking peaceful and meditative!
Baxter:  Well I don’t want to say you’re mistaken.  But generally yoga doesn’t call for people to yell “No way is my leg going there, motherfucker!”
Me:  It is the way I do it, mouse.   Maybe you should just go away and stop spying on me.
Baxter:  Well I’m going now actually because it’s past my bedtime, as you are aware. But I just wanted to alert you to my return.  In case you missed me.  Or were lonely.  Or distressed.
Me:  I am now, you little, long-tailed, hoity toity tool.
Baxter:  I’m going to ignore that.  See you tonight!

See here for Part Deux
And here is the first part.