One Hot Mess

Hey, it’s the weekend (my weekend starts on Friday, I don’t know about yours). I’ve been crazy busy the last couple of days as all my spare time’s been used up painting a new giant canvas and playing cheesy playlists as I find cheesy songs fuel my painting process like the bejeezus. Or the Bee Gees!

Today I’m all sort of infuriated because I keep getting rubber shavings from my eraser in my white paint. They don’t add much to the painting at all.

You know, when I was at school erasers were called “rubbers”. I know! We said that out loud ALL THE TIME. Nowadays you’d get into all sorts of hot water asking an 8 year old if you can “borrow his rubber”, right? The sad thing is, he’d probably HAVE one. A condom I mean, not an eraser. Try to keep up here.

Talking of condoms, we used to call those, “johnny bags” and we spent many happy pre-pubescent hours sniggering about older boys who carried them in their wallets because oh my God, johnny bags were so DIRTY.

And then there was a big scandal in my school when I was about twelve because a gym teacher arrived to school early one morning and found the *bush outside the gym literally covered in hanging johnny bags! Just hanging from the bushy branches like mutant, latex leaves. I never did find out if they were used or not - because, let's face it, that's the first thing everyone was thinking - but by the time I got in there were, sadly, no hanging johnnies left to be seen.

 However, people were LIVID. You’d think we’d disembowelled a nun on school premises the way they went on. It’s only johnnies, people, jeeze, really.

*somewhere in there is a joke about a “bush” covered in “johnnies” but I’m too lazy to go find it.
Talking of condoms again, I once was out with my mother and her camera ran out of batteries when she was photographing some park or other and I accidentally said, “Oh it’s ok, I have a spare pack of Durex in my bag!” When I meant Duracell. Oops. Anyway…

I’m getting off subject here. Painting. I like painting and it relaxes me a lot except when I get eraser shavings embossed into the paint. And the little bristles from the paintbrush that you have to painstakingly pick out while mumbling things like, “Go fuck a cow you cocksucking little fucks!” and then it occurs to you that maybe expecting to do a professional grade painting using brushes you bought at the dollar store while you were looking for a rubber spatula, might not be the most genius idea you ever had.

So yes. I came on here to say I don’t even have a meme for you today, that’s how lame I am and I ended up posting this nonsense instead. However, if you’d like a nice, cool, refreshing beverage of the alcoholic persuasion this weekend, I think you should nip over HERE to Miss Buffy’s site where I am guest hosting a cocktail for her Cocktail Friday. Honestly Buffy is one of the most interesting people in the whole world! I believe it's written in stone somewhere. Her parents were bona fide hippy types and she’s a professional actress and bartender and once worked in an editorial capacity, at “HUSTLER” alongside one Larry Flynt. I mean really, how cool is that? Go check her out and while you're there, see if my cocktail makes your tastebuds swoon.

Toodaloo!