Everyone’s sure obsessed by “followers”, have you noticed? People have hundreds of followers. And those are just the ones that show up in the sidebar using the Blogger Following option. Which I don’t use. Because I’m special.
Special Ed.
Me, I follow 130 blogs on my Reader yet I don’t count towards anyone’s “followers”. Thanks Blogger. Thanks a lot.
See you reading right now? Yes, you! I probably follow your blog and you don’t even know it. Am I creeping you out now? I’m totally stalking you.
I see people every day trolling for followers like it’s a sign of their self worth and it kind of reminds me of the kid at school who handed out candy because he wanted to be popular. It’s strangely fascinating.
Me, I don’t have many followers and that’s really ok. I looked today precisely for this post and I have 26 followers on my main blog here. But you know what, they’re 26
QUALITY followers. I mean I’d rather have 26 freaking awesome, creative, fabulous followers than 200 bargain basement followers, with cooties, you know? When I get my pimped out Airstream? All 26 of you magnificent beasts are invited to help me christen it with debauchery.
Hmmm. Wait a minute though. My Google Reader stats tells me I have 97 people actually subscribed to the
shite quality prose that I write. Isn’t that crazy? So actually I have 97 quality, awesome, creative, fabulous followers. I’m not sure I can fit 97 people in an Airstream. The debauchery will have to spill out into the yard! Bring your own chairs. And beer.
*note - I now appear to have guilted 2 of you guys into becoming followers and am at 28. I can achieve my dream of my own private Waco, sooner than anticipated! Unless you're totally fucking with me to mess up my figures. Jezebels.
I wonder who came up with the term “followers” and didn’t find it totally creepy? They couldn’t just have gone with “blog buddies” or “friends” or “interested parties”?
So hi followers! I’m like Charles Manson. Only without the beard. Or the murder in my heart. Or a penis. Or the crazy eyes.
OK, I have the crazy eyes…
i LOVE cooties! isn't it weird how that whole "readers" vs "future cult members" goes? it's like people who want their little facey to be up there and people who want to read the schnitzle. (ps me? i'm just a whore. i utilize the "favorite droppy downy.")
ReplyDeleteHaha, sometimes I'm so delighted that you don't speak English as we know it. Actually ALL the time. I'm a Reader whore. It's the worst kind because you can stalk everyone silently and stealthily. I stalk you too missy. Don't go getting complacent.
ReplyDeleteI never HAVE figured out how to tell if I have followers or not... I don't get comments, but I get hits on my blog.
ReplyDeleteOf course, the Russian spambots are after me (paranoid much) and Wordpress makes it hard for me to tell what's going on...
I don''t use the Following thing either. I just put anyone I want to read in my sidebar, so I'm effectively following them even if I don't show up as a follower.
ReplyDeleteYay ninja stealth!
I have followers though. I think I'll call them... Disciples.
; )
Ok, so you commented on someone else's blog or someone was nice enough to pimp you out on their blog that I follow, ectera, ectera. In any case I found you someway, somehow, and yes, oh yes, I am glad.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite thing about crazy eyes is directing them at someone while you creepily sing to them.
I also aspire one dat to be a quality follower. Do you have, like a check list or something? That might be helpful in my quest.
Pam: Haha, oh on Wordpress I'm not sure how you go about these things either. I know on Blogger it just tells you. It's like "HA, lame ass. Only 26!" 26 awesome people though. My Reader has a little thing that tells me all the subscriptions. Plus you could be on a bunch of blogrolls and that wouldn't show up either. You're probably like Jesus and don't even know it.
ReplyDeleteSoda: I don't even use a blogroll anymore. It's all on my Reader. Haha, disciples. You're like a ROLE MODEL FOR COOL.
As a matter of interest, how many times since you've been in the US has someone said to you, "That's not a knife. THAT'S a knife!"
Lola: I do indeed have a check list. You need to present me with a giant cupcake to be added. Or ok, if you become one of those dreaded followers, you're just assumed to be cool as shit therefore, by default, one of the gang. Jesus, now I sound like I'M pimping for followers. Haha.
ReplyDeleteReader is the best thing ever and I have God to thank for it.
ReplyDeleteLike a picture of a cupcake? Or an actual baked good? Because believe me if I did some baking, that might put me on the same serial killer watch list as my baking tendencies are rather homicidal at best.
ReplyDeletefollowers make me feel validated in my paranoia. On another note, I was going to your blog with the specific intent to become a follower because I am bad about checking google reader.
ReplyDeleteRed: Hahahaha. eff you. :) Wait are we talking MY God or you know...THE God? Either way, funny.
ReplyDeleteLola: Well, obviously I prefer the real ones I mean the pictures are kinda tasteless, however, real ones are hard to mail so I'll settle for a MENTAL cupcake. And by that I don't mean one wielding a chainsaw and yelling "HOOOOO HAAA!"
Heh, my baking tendencies are an arrestable offense also, mostly.
Valerie: Haha, oops! Please be a follower. I want to be David Koresh. Have some Kool Aid. :) Google Reader is the only reason I remember anything, ever. So long as I only remember one thing, it's to check Reader. See I'm going to add you now if you're not on there already. Another person to stalk quietly.
ReplyDeleteWhat I feel would be a nice feature for Blogger to add is the ability to make invisible the images of those who can’t be arsed to leave a comment. I agree it does get a bit ridiculous to have about 90 followers, of whom only about 9–10 can actually be bloody well bothered to leave a comment.
ReplyDeleteHa, I don't mind lurkers truthfully, it just always surprises the hell out of me that there should be someone on my little list there that I don't know in some form. Some days I comment a lot and others I am a lazy-ass. But I always read. For example, I always read your blog but don't comment often because I feel I need my A game for certain blogs and most days I just don't have it. :)
ReplyDeleteMy mental cupcakes are quite scandalous- which are the ebst kind really! Sending one your way. Please step away from your computer.. as the results of the aformentioned mental cupcake are quite.. well unpredictable.
ReplyDeletei have one, right there on the right hand side of my blog. know why? because i LOVE TO BRAG!
ReplyDeleteYES! I AM POPULAR! FINALLY! MUAHAHAAA 31 PEOPLE LOVE ME!!! I'M AWESOME
Dude, the unpredictible ones are best. Will it explode with creamy goodness all over my face?
ReplyDeleteStrangely, that's not the first time I've asked that question. (drumcrash)
Miss C: Eff you and your 31 hellions, missy. :) Should I be competing? Do I need to go pay five people...no SIX...so I feel better about my lame self? HUH?
ReplyDeleteDude! I totally get you. I don't have the followers thing too....mainly cause I'm not a popularity whore. End of story.
ReplyDeleteGlad to find a likeminded non-popularity whore in this blogsphere.
And oh, I totally stalk you via Google Reader.
Yes! No popularity whores, let's all be SECRET STALKERS! :) I stalk you in GR too. What colour underwear are you wearing? Haha!
ReplyDeleteI have no followers. I have a few stalkers and quite a few kick ass "stopping by'ers" (shut up! It is SO a word!)
ReplyDeleteIf I had followers I'd feel like a cult or a religious leader. Then I'd have to beg my followers for money and cheat on my spouse and be seduced by satin. And don't forget the whole crying on TV repenting thing.
Meh, seems like an awful lot of work. Fuck followers.
Kim: Hahahaha! That comment was funny ANYWAY but the fact you said "seduced by SATIN" made my day. Because yes that soft, shiny shit is sexy. :):)
ReplyDeleteGawd, your graphics are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I am proud to be part of your cult. Uh, a follower.
Robin: That graphic took me ages and you're the only one who noticed. SNIFF! :) My desktop is littered with puzzling little photos of evil now. Haha! But thank you future party guest!
ReplyDeleteaw shit. Yeah. I meant to say satin. I like soft devils.
ReplyDeleteK: Satan - Now with Satin finish. :)
ReplyDeleteApplies better than eggshell.
ReplyDeleteBetter and with 50% more evil.
ReplyDeleteHow'd you know my fly was undone? Wait, I don't even have a zipper...WTF???? Anyway, I'm stalking, I mean following you now, so too bad. You're one of the popular kids and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm a first-born, so I need that ego-reinforcement. At least I'm clear about my neuroses. Your blog seriously rocks, btw, and this is coming from a rock and roll chick so it actually means something.
ReplyDeletePS: So glad you don't have a penis.
Haha, um...it's the secret webcam I have installed in your bathroom but shhhhhh! Don't tell the others. NO, I don't think 26 followers qualifies as the "popular kids" - obviously I'm way too cool for that nonsense. :) As a fellow rock n'roll chick I applaud you, crazy stalker. Now zip up and shut up!
ReplyDeleteI like lurking in the shadow of your blog... Muhahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteOf course, I read you blog for the articles... Really!
Hahahahaha! Maybe I should post some porno cartoons or something so you can say that statement with a straight face again. Thing is dude. You're not a lurker if I know you're there. :)
ReplyDeleteI try to ignore the amount of traffic my blog receives and instead focus all my energy on delivering the kind of high-quality content my readers have come to expect.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm not surprised you ignore traffic when you're busy directing and starring in video masterpieces. I mean there are only so many hours in a day, right?
ReplyDeleteYour God...not THE God :)
ReplyDeleteHere was me thinking you were going all religious. :)
ReplyDeleteOne time someone left me a list of followers. Practically everyone in the entire city, businesses and people. Had lots of numbers though.
ReplyDeleteWow. Was the list yellow and divided into lots and lots of pages? :) You must be special too.
ReplyDeleteTwitter did a clean up and deleted a handful of my followers. My life is over. I am a failure if I don't +100s of followers. Oh. No.
ReplyDeletePS.
I don't want you think I'm some creeper. Found your link while Mr. C was pimpin' out his house guests.
Haha, yes I figured. I was just leaving YOU a comment on your Mr. C. entry when I got this one. Now I'm freaked out. We were simulaneously stalking each other!
ReplyDeleteI follow blogs but I am shitty at leaving comments on them. And then I feel hurt if people don't comment on, and follow, my blog. I am an awful hypocrite.
ReplyDeleteI have to say though, you are one of the finest commenters in the whole of the blogosphere. I'm sure you waste the kernel of excellent blog posts in their own right just commenting on my dross. And I love you for it.
OOOOH I get it, it's Friday night and you are trashed! :) No, you see, what I do is I go along and I rant like an imbecile and then forget the whole point I was trying to make. I like to think it's endearing rather than batshit crazy but I'm not so sure. Hee.
ReplyDeleteI have 27 followers to your 26, so nyah nyah!
ReplyDeleteBut in all seriousness, I use Reader too, so I don't follow anyone's blog. It makes me feel good that 27 people have decided to follow mine anyway. The whole reciprocal following thing feels a bit seamy to me, anyway. It's more than enough just to write down your thoughts and know that a person or two appreciates them.
Come clean, lady. Crazy eyes is not the only thing you share with Mr. Manson. Which is why you wear bangs and relate to Harry Potter.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, I would follow you to the ends of the earth, so who's stalking whom?
Wow, those were too many comments to read. Really, do some of my "followers" have cooties? Bummer.
ReplyDeleteI tried to figure out how to change the title. You can add a catchy enticement, but the word follow always appears. A non blogger friend asked me if I was the Messiah.
Gotta run. I'm gonna go troll through your followers and see if I can whore myself enough to get them to come my way.
hahahaha! I can't imagine what could have inspired this fabulous post. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm soooo baking you an Airstream cake for the big trailer party!
Oh Veg, I am one of those awesome Reader stalkers of yours... But am happy to declare my minion-like devotion to the Veg Assassin goodness publicly via 'following' if you so choose.
ReplyDeleteI umm-ed and aah-ed over the 'Follower' shit for so long before I finally caved and added it to my blog. It seemed like an easy way for people to subscribe, but I feel like a fucktard for having that dumbass thing on there, ya know? I honestly don't care how many people read my blog (harsh as that may seem), and it grates a little bit whenever I read about people obsessing over it. Let it go, people. Just write. That's why we love you, not because 20,379 other people do!
That said, I like 'following' people who have the option publicly displayed, as I love to support other bloggers and let them know that someone is reading and cares about them and their writing. It can really encourage a person to keep blogging if they know someone out there appreciates what they do.
Sorry, rambling over. To conclude: YOU ARE AWESOME. I'd follow you, lemming-like, off a cliff. Maybe.
I am late to comment on this. Why? Because I can't follow you! I have to manually type in your address on my blackberry a couple times a day to see.
ReplyDeleteYour right with quality of followers being more important. The followers on anyones blogs over 100 followers are usually only maybe 20-50 active ones at most. So many of them have stopped blogging. I've seen blogs with 400 followers and maybe 5 comments, but they've been blogging for so long most of the followers have long since stopped.
I do agree too with not commenting if you can't put a decent effort into it at the time.
at first i was very creeped out about how that followers thing made blogger seem very social and cliquey, but i got over it. if someone actually takes the time to read something i wrote then why not put their shiney little icon up.
ReplyDeleteand i've been following your blog even without the widget there, because i love you and your funny pics that much :)
Yes, your graphic is fab. But you will burn in Blogger hellfire for it. I'll stand by with an extinguisher, just cos I like you so much. And I haven't even tried Google reader yet. I am such a techno dork.
ReplyDeleteIf you asked me to kill some vegetables for you, I would totally do it.
ReplyDeleteFirst, this is a riot with the entire commentary section. Secondly, the graphics? LOVE THEM. You have skills. Third, I just got an email from someone I dont know asking me about folowers? Dont ask me, ask them. And yes, the word followers is a bit cultish. Although, if you DO have crazy eyes..well...then.... LOL.
ReplyDeleteHa, I go off to the beach for the weekend and you all go comment nuts.
ReplyDeleteWords: Well I have 29 now so na na na na na. That's like...almost THIRTY. And only ten of them are me.
Baroness: Phew that was close. I thought you were commenting on my magnificent lady-beard.
Py: I'm sure YOUR followers have nothing but rainbows and unicorns surrounding them!
Kat: I'm sure I have no idea WHAT you mean. :):)
And OMIGODYES on the cake. Duh. (So long as it's nothing to do with Pam Anderson)
Teacup: I know, there's nothing wrong with the IDEA of knowing who's reading your blog - it's nice! It's just the whole craziness of people who suddenly are going all out to reel in "followers". It makes me laugh. It's like a popularity contest. I do enjoy having the crazy smart sassy people like you around though. With emphasis on crazy. Of course. Haha.
Mr. C: Yeah well thanks to your whiny ass I added the followers widget so people can sub. if they want to without doing anything intelligent like entering URLs. See what you made me do? SEE? :)
Lana: I think you might be the only one who does appreciate my pictures. well apart from me of course. I like them. But then I'm strange. Not that I'm implying YOU are strange...Ahem.
Madame: Oh Bring it, Blogger! You put a few serial killers on a graphic and people get their panties twisted up. :) Reader is equally lazy as any other method of "following". It just sounds intelligent. (it isn't)
Beck: I was going to make a Gokey joke (A Gokey Jokey if you will!) but I'll refrain. He might have the intelligence of a vegetable though.
Jenny: Feel free to polish my halo anytime! Hee. And you might have a point with the crazy eye thing. Damn. I didn't think that through at all.
You are awesome, that is why we stalk, I mean follow, you. I love me some funny redheads!
ReplyDeleteMiss Fancy: You are awesome! For my BIG BLOATED EGO! Haha.
ReplyDeleteHey. I don't subscribe to your blog and am neither a follower. I have your blog url memorised ... Why I needed to share this information with you I don't know.
ReplyDeleteIt's because you have a mind-blowingly good memory? Maybe it's just a sign of your giant awesomeness? :)
ReplyDeleteWell, its the least bit you can do for me since you did expose my identity!
ReplyDeleteYour identity? When was this? Oh are we referring to the "photo". :)
ReplyDeleteThis sucks, I can't follow you on my blackberry because I can't click the follow button from it. Oh and I'm on the border of canada right now! If I could just swim across this little river I'd be there to raise a maple leaf in you're honor.
ReplyDeleteLife is hard Mr. C. Don't cry!
ReplyDeleteI thought "raising a maple leaf" was a euphemism for what you do when confronted by those scantily clad female mounties?
OK, what convinced me to follow(?), hang about(?), lurk(?), slime about, was the lack of a penis thing, otherwise...outta here. Crazy eyes work for me though.
ReplyDeleteJ: Yeah, I don't think I'm ever going to grow a penis! The crazy eyes though, they're here to stay! :)
ReplyDeletei'm proud to be a follower even if you don't have a penis. maybe if you strapped one on you'd get more. ok, this comment is getting creepy rather than clever and witty.
ReplyDelete(where in google reader does it tell you how many are subscribed? i'm special too and don't get it but must know how popular i am.)
Claire: Hahahaha. Um....
ReplyDeleteI'll have to get back to you on the Reader thing because I forget myself now. Since that first time I saw it I can't for the life of me remember where I saw it. I'll let you know though.